got up and went down to let dogs outside.
Laundry room covered in dog poop, vomit and Griffin had it all over his back.
He was in a panic running back and forth and the other little ones sitting in a scared little bunch.
I quickly let all dogs outside and cleaned up the room.
Griffin continued his panicked circles out in the snow.
I let everyone back inside and grabbed Griff and carried him to bathtub and cleaned him up.
I took him downstairs and he ran away from me terrified.
He's been doing that a lot lately, looking at me and running away like I'm some stranger he's never seen.
In tears I took him to work with me and left the others at home.
He ran around the back of the van and would come up between the seats and stare at me with big wide eyes.
We got to work and I let him outside.
He ran around stumbling into snow banks and banging into the fence.
I text my niece Lily, the one who has grown up with him and who he adored and she him.
I told her that I thought it might be time to let him go.
I didn't even give her details, I just asked if she would be OK with that.
She said that she wished that she could tell me NO!, Don't do it but...
she thought that he was already GONE.
She said that he no longer had any idea who she was and she agreed that it was probably best for him to let him go.
Everyone at work agreed.
But still, my heart feels like someone is squeezing it tight and won't let go.
I want to throw up.
I text my sister afterwards, after he was gone
and she replied back -
"He's not confused anymore. He can see his way out"
That helps me a bit, to think that he can finally see his way out.
But right now...I just can't stop crying.
I need to take a break...I'll be back later when I can think straight.
read here for more on Griffin:
(Old photo of him sleeping in Blue's old food bowl.)