First, the Secret...it's not really a secret because everyone that knows me outside of the my "blog world" already knows this but it's something that I keep close to my heart because it means so Much to me. It's power is So great that it's terrifying. I haven't talked about her before but since this post is about what's really important to me... met Ruby. Now I love my dog Blue, with all my heart, but Ruby was here first and while I have this "herd" of pets that are my family, she is truly my #1. She stays at home everyday in the comfort of her fellow little housemates. I really don't think she minds when I leave everyday with Blue. She settles down on her warm bed and I have no doubt that she spends her day napping or playing with the other little ones in the laundry room while we go to "work" to earn the money to keep her comfy. She is a Huge source of Happiness and she sleeps on the pillow next to me every night and she is the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning. I have to lift her down to the floor every morning and she tiptoes daintily down the stairs to be let out. She has the ability to bring me make me smile like nothing else. And this week I haven't felt like smiling.
This has been a VERY long week. It seemed like it would never end. I have been in one of the worst funks.
As many of you know, my Day Job consists of running the Boarding Area of a veterinarian clinic that I work at. On Monday I noticed that a little elderly boarder seemed to be breathing very heavy and to make a very long story short, he was going into heart failure and after rushing him up front to the veterinarian, he was resuscitated only to end up being put back down after we called the owner to see what medical measures that they wanted us to take....to say it broke my heart would be putting it lightly. Yes, I know that he had lived a long happy life (and some people might have to point out the fact that he was a DOG, but please don't even go there with me.)
So mid-week, on my day off I sought refuge on the computer, visiting blogs and websites in an effort to brighten my week. Well, my computer went down and I spent the day first on the phone with my service provider and then transferred to Microsoft where we spent the afternoon talking me through the computer lingo. It got very frustrating at times because there was a bit of a language problem between the tech support and myself. I swear that I am getting hard of hearing and the fact that I know ZERO about computers wasn't helping. So now I am up and running but in the process I've lost spell check on everything! So be prepared for some very ODD words!
Anyway, I really have been feeling out of sorts and trying to figure out my life. One of my friends thinks it's the weather. We had some sunshine for a few days and temps soared to the high 30's but now there's another Snow Alert for tonight with only 5-6 inches to come. It's supposed to be a "heavy" snow so that might eliminate some of the blowing.
I digress, so I'm feeling blue, sad, whatever and then I see that some of my blogger friends are taking time off, Georgina to slay some dragons and Magaly is in the hospital in a frantic effort to blessed with a miracle to allow her to have a child. Then I read about Renee, someone I was not fortunate to have found before this time, only to discover this amazing woman is approaching her final days here on Earth and the only slightly positive thing about it is that she could be released from her horrible pain. I've had many people in my life and most of my family go through cancer and it's always been cruel and unfair. Reading these posts made me feel ashamed to feel anything but postive about my own life. How dare I waste the energy on such negative feelings. I want to spend my days enjoying every moment.
I've been told that I create my own stress, but that was by someone that doesn't share the same interests as me. They don't create (it's too messy) they don't garden (it's too expensive) they don't have all the animals I do (it's too hairy) so I find it hard to listen to that advice. I do think that I am always thinking about how I can make some money, add to my income or find a new career. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get everything done and I find it so hard someitmes. I am so far into the hole, if I add all the ART supplies up. I feel like I should just forget it all and just do it as a hobby and stop trying to figure out a way to make a living at my art. That way I won't be tallying up everything. Sometimes I regret staying single, it would be nice to have some one cheering me on AND the financial support. But since I never found THE person and I know too many women that are unhappily married, well, I would rather be by myself. Better to struggle alone than to struggle with someone that keeps pulling you down under the water with them.
So, I surf around the blogs some more and I read about an artist who is whining because she was denied into a class. A class taught by the very artist that she has copied so completely that it's hard to tell the faces from her work to the other artist. I'm not talking about similar styles, I mean the faces are exact. But of course, if other people haven't been following the other artist's work, they won't have any idea of the art theft. So I start searching and I find someone who has copied down the faces of yet ANOTHER artist, this one being the creator of beautiful cloth dolls. I realize there are fines lines when it comes to admiring someone elses work and trying their techniques but when you paint the eyes, nose, mouths identical to the original artists... well, come on!
I find this all very discouraging. You struggle to become a success and original and if you do then people with no artistic morals steal from you. Whoa! , I'm back to being a downer, maybe I should just delete this whole post. I think maybe I'll just focus on creating and not so much making a living from it. I think I will spend time working on and decorating in my home and when Spring comes I will enjoy working in the garden and not feel like it's stealing time away from me trying to build an art/craft career. I need to step out of myself and enjoy this precious life and take joy in every moment because it passes much too quickly. The amount of money I make has no real effect on my happiness. If I can pay my bills and feed my animals, if I can take a deep healthy breath, then life is good and I control my own happiness.
