The UNIVERSE, BLUE and NO PHOTOS.

Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me to keep my mouth shut.

Saturday night and a couple of times Sunday morning, my laptop kept shutting down and going black.

I have no idea what's going on with it. Maybe it's just tired.

I was burning it up into the wee hours Saturday night

Yeah, maybe it just needed a rest.

Sunday I got a few things done on it and it seemed fine again

but then that night my wireless went out.

Still out all day and night Monday.

I tried unplugged and re-plugging and all sorts of things.

Nothing.

So here's a brief post from my work computer,

done while I'm on my non-smoking break

and sadly no photos.

(Thank god I still have a phone.)

I can still do Instagram and read and comment on Facebook.

But no posting with my photos off of my computer

and I can't get the hang of posting comments via my cell.

And....the plot has thickened.

Apparently the back stabbing of the other day is not an isolated incident.

Nope, going on for more than TWO years.

I've had people come to me and apologize for believing her in the past

and for "hating" me.

I'm told even the two new vets were "reserved" around me

because they believed me to be a "Pot-stirrer".

And here I was, pretty oblivious to it.

Just in my own little world.

Sure, I could "feel" that bad energy

and I've caught the look of narrowed eyes sometimes but...

I just went back to my boarders in a quandary.

Yep. Yep. Yep.

So, her confession turned things around.

That and the fact the I had to swear on my Blue's life.

Once again my dog was there for me.

Thank God for Blue

My best bud, my confidant, my hero.

(Blue's photo would be here if I had the ability to access it.)

Just goes to show what I've always known.

Dogs are better than most people

and Blue is better than them all.

ANONYMOUS comment, LYING and being INCREDIBLY SAD.

source

Anyone who monitors comments before publishing them probably has a lot of comments in their email from Anonymous.

It's kinda frightening how you can Google something and then you get some weird link in an email.

Not too long ago I Googled Tramadol. I actually just wanted to know that I was spelling it right.

(Tramadol is a pain medication used for dogs and I was sharing texts with someone and wanted to make sure of the spelling).

So, I've been getting strange anonymous comments on past posts in regards to Tramadol. I never click on them, I don't want a virus on my computer,
but sometimes the title of a particular post that I wrote, makes me want to go back and read it and see what I was writing about.

This morning the post that the comment linked to was:

http://oldblackcatboo.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-been-ugly-week.html

So I click on it and saw that it was from THREE years ago.

.............after reading it I thought, what the Hell is the matter with me?

Let me explain.

Thursday I was called into The Office.

Closed doors.

and told that apparently several people had said that I had looked at someone's paycheck and gone around the clinic and told everyone this person's wage.

I was in shock.

WTF? I mean Seriously.

Its always an effort for me to be "social" to some of these women and now this?

I did not do this thing, I was in shock and I quickly stated the I swore on Blue's life that it was not true.

ANYONE that knows me, knows that he is my most precious.

The fact that I could be fired over such a thing, made me sick.

and I do love my job.

I said to her that while I hadn't done this crime, I did know this person's wage because "Jane Doe" had come back to my work area for the specific reason to let me know that she had looked at the check on purpose and then said the wage.

So, without going into major detail, she was confronted again and AGAIN said she had heard it from ME.

Then apparently these OTHER people when asked again, said they had heard nothing from me but just from HER

and SHE had said I told her.

OK. Now I'm going to sound mean but I don't care.

This "Jane Doe" is a loud selfish little troll of a person that has no friends.

Everyone just puts up with her.

She is always repeating stories and embellishing them, inserting herself into them and making herself the hero.

Everything is always about HER.

When my one friend, a co-worker lost her little old dog and was so upset, she interrupted to say she knew exactly how she felt

because when HER dog had been sick and blah, blah blah.

Yeah, her dog had been sick and THEN got well and my friend's dog had DIED.

This same "Jane Doe" had also yelled across the clinic a very offense remark to my niece that was not true.

Supposedly she was talked to about that but there was never any apparent action taken and no apology.

So, because I am incredibly STUPID, I still talked to her and was kind to her.

Maybe it's because I always feel sorry for the Underdog?  or that I just try to consider the source and move past it.

But now I've had my integrity questioned and one thing I am NOT, is a liar.

I even stated such. In fact there have been times in my life where I got myself into trouble because I wouldn't lie.

So I was then asked if I was willing to do a meeting with "Jane Doe",  this woman, who I been a friend to

and the Doctor would moderate us.

I said "Gladly!".

The next day we meet and before we had begun "Jane Doe" said she wanted to first apologize to me

and then turned to tell the Doctor she was sorry she had lied to her.

We were kinda stunned that she finally admitted to it.

The Doctor was surprised as she had anticipated an ugly argument.

But I said that I was very hurt and that she had lost my trust.

To make a long story short, she was talking and laughing later in the afternoon.

and me?

I'm sorry but I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting.

I don't believe that I need to "forgive" for my own piece of mind and let it go.

This is a woman who loved on my Blue and who said if anything ever happened to me,

she would fix up her spare room for him to live in and now THIS?

She could have gotten me fired for her lie.

I have put up with a lot at this job, people who think I have it SO easy.

Yeah, I'd like to see them do my job day in and day out in all kinds of weather, dealing with dog poop stomped all over the kennel bars on the door and over the walls in the mornings and sometimes aggressive dogs and dogs who have so some many special needs.

I do this job week after week. Year after year and

These people grumble about the occasional dirty cage they must clean!

I have a lot of clients tell me that they only come and leave their pets because of me.

That if I wasn't there, they would find someone else.....and it's because I do TRULY love their animals.

I worry that if they go somewhere else, they won't be cared for properly.

and Of course I do have some wonderful days.

Days when I'm so happy being outside and caring for favored boarders.

To me, that's a balance but to others that's all they see and think it's easy.

This has hit me HARD.

It's weakened my spirit and made me question everything.

My life, my job, my future, where I live, everything.

And yet life goes on and that Troll walks around laughing her loud offensive laugh.

I can't leave this job

I have too much debt and I need the back-up of vet care for all my pets.

And... I have put so much time and energy into this.

I've gone from the old kennel at the old location where I dragged hoses up a hill

and had water buckets that would freeze and I was working in my winter coat.

Now at this new building, the work set up is so much better.

And I could be SO happy if I was just left alone.

On top of this, I turned 57 last week.

FIFTY-SEVEN. A friend of mine exclaimed that it's almost 60!

She kept saying that she couldn't believe I was so old and

told me I should be thankful that I didn't look it....

(I have some great friends don't I! )

and I don't feel like what I think 57 would be

but my life is certainly not as I had thought it would be at this point.

I didn't think I would be picking up dog poop with a knife in my back.

Yeah...lots to think about and figure out.

Sadly, nothing that could be done immediately.

I feel like a prisoner  digging a tunnel out with a spoon....

And several of my pets are very old.

Rosie is in sad shape...she's 15 and I don't want to think about that,

much less talk about it.

I guess maybe when most of them are gone

and I don't have to worry about caring financially for so many....

God, isn't that nice? That I have to think about them DYING to be free of this crap.

I'm so sad.

I could be happy doing what I do and doing things I love when I get home but,

to think that there was the possibility of people just thinking this about me and not being able to defend myself.

To lose my livelihood or have the Doctors just believe her and question my character and look down on me.

And then...I read the post that Anonymous left a comment on

from 3 years ago and remember that I was dealing with such mean hatefulness back then.

Truly, what the Hell is wrong with me?

I need to stop being complacent and figure this out.

But I'm NOT forgiving.

I'm not a Pollyanna or a Liar.

and to say I Forgive her would be a Lie.

source

Two VERY short videos of my ROADTRIP!

So I guess I took a blog break.

I didn't plan it, it just kinda happened.

I even have a lot to write about.

And lots of stuff not to write about.

By that I mean I went back to some of my old posts and read some
and I'm a broken record.

Yep, don't want to write the exact same thing I did last year

and the year before that and

Jeez. 

That's given me some pause.

Anyway...I had a birthday while I was gone.

Not really thrilled with getting older

but it's better than the alternative.

So, I can write about my thoughts on that...

but not today.

I also took a couple of days vacation...broken record again.

and then there's a dilemma of a dog needing a home, actually it's a pair of them

and I found a home for one but not the other.

I thought I had one but it fell through...

Another long sad story that I won't go into either.

Odd though, how it's breaking my heart

and the people that owned them just walked away.

Sigh.

But HEY! I went on a roadtrip!

Yep! the hermit climbed into a huge pick-up truck,

the kind you grab this handle thing and yank yourself into the air to get into

and rode along with a friend to Minnesota.

Illinois to Minnesota and back in a day.

To get a goat

or should I say a "kid".

My friend lives way out in the country and she recently adopted a baby billy goat

that had a broken leg (which she has been taking him to the vet for and he's almost 100% now)

and while acquiring this billy, a little white girl "doe" goat followed her husband around

and she came home with them too.

So apparently goats are like cats.

Once you get one, you need another

and another...

So now my friend owns 3 goats!

RED, WHITE and BOOM and a very short video of the FLOOD.

For the last 10 years there has been a Fourth of July celebration called
"Red, White and Boom".
They set off fireworks from a barge on the Mississippi so that both sides of the Quad Cities can enjoy it.
I live on the Illinois side but I work on the Iowa side of the river in Davenport, Iowa.
Due to the flooding they decided to set the fireworks off of the Centennial Bridge
but were unable to get permission from the D.O.T.
So it was cancelled. 
There were still many celebrations around the various towns,
to say nothing off all the illegal fireworks going off in the neighborhoods.
I stayed home with my stressed out dogs but I saw a few from my living room window.

I wanted to share this video that I came across of Davenport.
it's only 2 minutes and it focuses on downtown and the ballpark.
Under some of that water is the road that I usually drive on to get to work.
Yep, I've had to find a new route for the time being.
The last I've heard was that the river was 20 feet over flood stage.
But luckily it's been going down about a foot a day.
So here's the video, to give you a little idea of what it looks like where I live:


Quad Cities aerial flood footage from MotionSix Creative on Vimeo.

I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORD ...

aaaaaaah, I'm at a loss,

can't find the proper word.

A friend sent me an email the day after Ruby's passing while I was at work and asked me how I was doing  

and I answered back "FINE.... considering".

ok, THAT is not the right word, FINE... but,

I find grief is hard for other people to be around

so saying you are Fine is a good word.

I also told her that I just wishing I was at home

because it was exhausting to PRETEND to be OK.

source

She wrote back that she was sure that the people at work didn't expect me to pretend.

That they understood and were sympathetic.

I responded back to her that Yes, they were. 

That they all had been very kind and caring.

Very supportive. 

Very nice.

then I said...I guess that PRETEND wasn't the right word to use.

I couldn't find the right word to describe what I meant.

I wrote to her that I was searching for a word that meant

"Refraining from whimpering out-loud, non-stop".

source

Yeah, no reply to that email.

I told you, grief can be uncomfortable for other people.

So yeah, I'm fine.

source

And, in case you missed my thank you that I left on my prior post, 

TRULY...all the kind and compassionate comments/ condolences meant the world to me.

You are all the best.

XOXOXO

R. I. P. my little RUBY