Blue

Blue went to Heaven last night.

He could no longer breathe normally.

It had become constant gasping.

I had my vet release him to the next world.

My heart is broken and my life will never be the same.

But I was blessed to have had him in my life for so long.

Yesterday he was eleven years, 6 months and 3 weeks old.

As as bad as this is,

And although my heart hurts so much,

I would do it all again.

FOCUS on What's IMPORTANT

Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted.
It's the New Year and almost a month is gone.
I've been struggling with some things.
I really think I'm one of those people who needs sunshine in order to remain positive.
I've been trying to remember to put it out there into THE UNIVERSE
and while it seems so easy to do, it's not always for me.
I forget.
So, I'm writing this to remind myself and others that our thoughts
can really have an effect on our lives.

I HAVE been thinking POSITIVE about my Blue.
He's been calm and so far, so good.
That's my focus... on him doing good each day.

Then there's Katy.
Her previous mom calls weekly.
I kinda wish she'd stop but I don't have the heart to tell her to do so.
In our last conversation, I was sick and tired, seems like I'm always sick and tired lately BUT
I told her that while Katy WAS using the potty pads as I had told her before,
she was also using a spot under the kitchen table and close to the hutch.
AND another spot in the living room by the bookcase.
Since Katy is teeny tiny,  it's just a small little circle.
Still, it's PEE and I told her previous mom that she was now wearing a doggie diaper.
(and I left out the part where I had bought some special cleaner for dog urine.)

Her "previous mom" instantly told me how she had been so surprised when I had told her how Katy used the potty pads and didn't pee in the house because Katy had peed in HER house!...............
.........................................................

yeah.

Then she offered to take her back.
She said that she missed her
and that it wasn't that she WANTED her back but
she felt bad about her peeing in my house.
I told her to let me think about it, that I'd let her know.
She said for me to not feel bad if I wanted to give her back
and the cash she had gifted to me, that I could keep that, not to worry.
I was again caught off guard and said I'd think about it and let her know.

So I thought about it and I cleaned the areas and then I had an idea.
I have a lot of doggy beds and I put a small one on each of the "spots".
I watched Katy walk up to them and look at them and then she'd crawl into them and go to sleep.
So far, that's worked.
But to be honest, her favorite spot is Blue's bed and then this happened -

Yeah, I can't give her back.

I posted this photo on Instagram.
I'm on Instagram a lot.
I highly recommend it.
Many of my Blogger friends who have quit blogging, post over there now.
I also posted ALL my dog/cat photos that I'm working on.
If you aren't familiar with Instagram, people will "LIKE" your photos.
AND of ALL my photos the one of Blue and Katy has gotten the most likes!
LOL!

So anyway, that's some of the things going on.
There's been some work things too.
Things I thought had been resolved but I'm still working on.
Let's just say, good help is hard to find.

And other annoying little crap that is NOTHING in the grand scheme of things
but has the capacity to drive a person insane.
House stuff.
Things wearing out and needing repairs and me trying to figure out how to do them.
I know everyone deals with this kind of stuff but it gets exhausting dealing with it on my own.
Whine, whine, whine.
But I'm grateful that I have a home and that I have access to the Internet and YouTube.
I swear there's a video about EVERYTHING on Youtube.
Still, when you have to go to the Hardware Store for the same damn issue 3 times,
it gets tiring.
Yep, I need some cheese for all this whining!

OK, so...
Art related...
The place where I had my Art before and now will take my stuff on a commissioned basis,
is excited about my new stuff.
(I sent her a message and a link to my Instagram.)
I'm also doing the same ones for the clinic and I actually got my business cards made.
I'm currently working on larger prints with quotes.
So I'll do those up and put them at the clinic and then... forget about them.
Just replenish as needed.

Soon I will start on my dog/cat/horse stuffed animals
and I'll work on my house that seems to have decided to fall apart all at once.
AND in my lunacy, I'm going to work on packaging my Catmint that I have.
I'm thinking I can sell that at the clinic.

And maybe put it in an Etsy shop along with other cat related stuff.... maybe.

A Blogger friend sent me an email a while back about my passion, my purpose in life.
She didn't think my Art was my REAL passion but rather my taking in needy animals.
Rescuing.
She said something along the lines of how THAT was my purpose and
how everything else is extra.
I've thought about this for a long time.
How all my Art is animal related.
How the stuffed animals I want to make, how they will be made to look like little rescues.
How the books I want to write, about Kanga, and Jimmy and of course Blue,
are all about animals that someone at some point didn't want and how they are PERFECT.

Yep. I've been thinking a lot about just enjoying life
and not to stress so much and to stop being sick all the time.
(I'm sick again as I write this!)
Yep. Lots of thoughts.
Just trying to get my head on straight and keep it that way
and just dealing with life.

So... How has your first month gone?
How are YOU doing?
I know we need to have faith and focus on the GOOD and focus it into being.
I'm trying to do that with my small little life.
Focus on the things I can control and not let what I can't control overwhelm me.

and I'll just keep trying to be true to Myself and do what I feel I need to do.
Even if others don't understand.

ROAR

The other day I scheduled a meeting for my boarding staff.
We've never had a meeting with all the boarding staff and to make it possible for everyone to attend, it had to be scheduled for the end of the day.
That would make for a very long day and it would be really pushing it to expect all my dogs to "hold it".
Most of them are elderly and it's harder for them and I always leave down potty pads just in case they can't wait.
They are used to this but the only one who would refuse to use a potty pad is Blue.

That's a good thing I guess because I don't really want him going in the house!
So since I would be gone so long, I decided to take him to work with me.

I used to take him and Nora and Jimmy all the time but the last year or more, I haven't.
They seem to enjoy just sleeping the day away at home.

The last time Blue was at the clinic was when he had swallowed the sock and needed surgery.

Blue hates to have me trim his nails so I just don't.
Instead either Lily will stop by the house and do it or I take him to the clinic.
When other people do it, he gets excited and loves the attention.
With me, he'll "hide" under the kitchen table and grumble.

So I asked the girls to trim his nails and Lily and one of the other techs came back to boarding to do so.
He was so excited as he came out of the run and then he started to make a noise I have never heard before.
It was hoarse and gasping and his lower chest/tummy were sucking in and out in big extreme movements.

We rushed him up front and one of the vets hurried over to him and watched him and then put his hands on him. Finally the vet said it was his throat area.
We got Blue to calm down and his breathing got better.
The vet said to wait with the nail trim and let him calm down.
I took him back to my office area and laid a blanket out and he finally slept.

I went up front and the vet said that he thought it was Larnygeal Paralysis

If you click on that link it will detail it for you
and also here is more info - HERE

The vet said to Google it and I could find info on it about the causes and see video's of the operation that could be done to correct it.
He said to be 100% positive that Blue had this, he'd need to be heavily sedated and....
if he had it, he'd need an exceptional surgeon to do the surgery.

While this was going on, Doc was attending to his appointments.
I tend to go to Doc but he was busy.
Doc prides himself as exceptional but I don't remember him ever doing such a surgery.

And... Blue is a 11 year and 2 month old Great Dane.

So later, they girls came back and very calmly trimmed Blue's nails and everything was fine.

I moved Blue back to a run and then later, we had our meeting and he just slept.
After the meeting, everyone except my worker that I call "Mini-Me" was left and the clinic was closed and the rest of the staff was gone too.
I went back to get him and he got up and saw the leash and then he saw Mini-Me and got really excited and started gasping for air like crazy.
I thought his tongue was turning a bit blue but no one was there and also I know they'd just tell me to calm him down.
I loaded him up in my car and by the time we were a block away, he seemed fine again.

This got me to thinking, how in the mornings he'll come inside from his morning potty and make gagging noises.
I'm always annoyed because I assumed he ate a piece of poop.
I've caught some of the  dogs trying to each others poop and unless I stand at the door, someone will try. But with it being so cold and dark in the mornings, I can't always see what's going on while they are out there doing their business.

Now I'm thinking it was just his throat.
His excitement of waking up and rushing outside with the others.

So I Googled the Hell out of this condition
and read everything and then the next day at work as the vet was leaving to go to lunch
I stopped him and gave him an update.
He said there's a drug that might help with the inflammation and so I said I'd ask the techs to get me some and then he walked out the door.

Doc was also standing in the lunchroom. I felt kinda odd because I usually go to him but the other vet was there when it all happened so... I went to him.
I looked at Doc and said - "I read that if he doesn't get the operation, it could kill him"
and Doc, who is always game for surgery rubbed his face for a moment.
Then he said "And the operation could kill him too."

I said that "I'll just keep him calm and he'll be fine."
Doc pursed he lips and said nothing and I walked away to get the medication.

My friend the vet tech looked up Blue's account and I told her I already had Blue on Metacam and Dasuquin.
A few weeks back he had fallen down 3 times in a week.
It was always as he came to the bottom of the stairs or when he hurried around the corner.
The Dasuquin is a supplement and the Metacam is for pain and inflammation.
Since he's been taking these, he hasn't fallen again.
But Doc said if he was on Metacam, we didn't want to put him on the other drug.

Then this Saturday, the woman vet worked.
She asked about Blue and we talked a bit and she's going to do some more research.
She stopped by boarding as she was leaving and asked me to record what he does and what he sounds like on my phone, if he does it again at home.

So far this weekend, he's been pretty good.
Just random gagging noises.
But Saturday night he wouldn't eat his supper and just came over to my chair and laid his face on my lap.
I just stroked his face and tried not to cry.
I guess it's a blessing he can't hear, that his deafness could help keep him calm.
When the other dogs hear something and start barking, most of the time he's oblivious to the commotion.

Luckily he ate his breakfast like normal this morning
and now he sleeps.

I thought about how he always did that ROAR of a bark
and how that could have been a symptom of what was coming.
The research said that most people don't realize what's going on until it's progressed.

I oddly thought about my Dad.
I thought about how so many years ago he stopped by my house
and we were sitting there chatting when he suddenly pulled at his shirt and said
"Oh! Look what I got!"
I saw a patch on his chest and he said it was a nitroglycerin patch.
I started to cry and he said "No! It's a good thing" but I remember thinking how it wasn't.
How that patch told me he wouldn't be around forever.
Some people might think it's wrong to think of my dad while thinking of my dog.
But, I don't care.
My relationship with my Dad and animals is very intertwined and complicated.
So to me, it makes perfect sense.

On Monday, Dr. H, the woman vet will tell me what she thinks and what ideas she has for medication.
I will treasure every day and hopefully it is something that can be managed for a long time.

I wish I didn't love Blue so much.

THE GRUMPY OLD MAN TURNS ELEVEN

Today Blue turned ELEVEN!
I took this photo just before leaving the house this morning.
I used a couple of apps to make it more like a painting-

Yep, He's eleven and he is a grumpy old man.

The grumpiness has been building.
The occasional ROAR of irritation when someone is in his way
or laying his spot.

He's just low on patience.
He'll do that bark growl that sends the other dogs into a tizzy.
They jump up and bark at him
and he storms through the herd of them like an angry bull.

If anyone really gets in his face,
he'll grab ahold of them and slam them to the floor and hold them there
until they stop fighting and are totally submissive.

Years ago when Jimmy Chew was very young, he challenged Blue
and Blue body slammed him to the ground and held him by the throat.
Jimmy was so terrified that his anal glands expressed themselves.
Jimmy was fine, just wet with saliva but he never challenged him again.

Sometimes when Blue is really in a mood and is stomping around roaring
I can tell that Jimmy thinks he needs to protect me.
He doesn't, I'm the Alpha dog
but Jimmy will stand in front of me and face-off with Blue.
He will  bark with all his might as his whole body trembles in fear.
Yep, Jimmy can push my buttons and sometimes really frustrate the Hell out of me
but I know he's got my back.

Lately though, Blue's fuse has been super short.
The other day as the little ones ran through the kitchen for the laundry room to get their dinner,
Blue decided to walk out of the kitchen and into the living room.
I always feed Blue first, so it wasn't like he was hungry but
all the little dogs rushing past him, must have annoyed him
because I heard that ROAR
and then a horrible little scream.

It was my little Poppy.

She doesn't even weigh a full 5 pounds
and he had her down.
Now if it was one of the bigger dogs it would have just been a moment
of catch and release
but in this case, he caught her head and left a little small cut above her eye from his tooth.
I was there in a second
and of course I couldn't yell at him to STOP!
because he's deaf.
But I grabbed ahold of his head and neck and pulled him away
and he instantly ran and hid up the kitchen table.
He always hides there when he gets into trouble
because no one can see him there....

or so he thinks.

I realize that he's just being a cranky ass because if
he really meant business, she'd be dead.
But... it has me on hyper alert now.

I talked with Doc and because we just ran all sorts of blood-work tests
and did x-rays and everything on Blue when he was so ill,
we know there's nothing physically wrong with him except as Doc says -
He's a grumpy old man. That's what happens to us, we get grumpy."
I told him about Poppy and Doc said, "She's just a mouthful!"
and then he just shook his head and said "that's what can happen with a pack".

Without going into extreme detail about pack mentality,
I'll just say that I'm aware of that and that wasn't it.
It wasn't the group of them in some sort of frenzy
or them trying to weed out the weak
or one or more trying to take over the group.
They know I'm the leader.
There's no doubt of that.
Even Blue knows, that's why he hightails it to under the kitchen table.

Nope, it's just Blue doesn't really care about the other dogs.
They just mostly annoy him.
He's a people dog.
And if he sees Lily or my sister he jumps up and down in excitement.

Yep, I think I'm living with a "Lion" (who I love with all my heart)
and a houseful of "Lemurs" who like to run around and play
and get in the way of the Lion who just wants to sleep.

So I'm making sure to keep the lines of visual communication open with Blue and me.
That's always worked before.
He has always watched me to see what to do and not to do.
I just have to stay very attentive to him when he gets up and moves about.

As I type out this post, he's at my feet.
Not on the dog bed
or my BIG chair that he loves but on the wood floor.
I do adore this grumpy dog.
I brought birthday cupcakes in his honor to work

and wrote on the medical board for all to see that today was his Eleventh birthday
and I thanked everyone who made that possible!

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRUMPY OLD MAN!
I love you with all my heart
and I hope all the little ones just stay out of your way.

WHAT DOG?

Here's a funny thing I realized -

Someone asked me

"How's your dog doing?"

And I hesitated.

My dog?

I thought to myself.

What dog? Which dog? Oh wait! 

She meant how's BLUE doing!

Lol!

I forgot that he's a dog! 

And HE'S DOING GREAT!

He'll be getting his staples out this Friday.

It's like it never happened.

He's 100 % again.

And I can never thank everyone enough

For all the emotional support,

The positive thoughts, 

The healing energy sent his way

And the financial help for his major emergency surgery.

My heart is full

And my eyes flood with tears

Because of the help sent out to me and my Blue.

You are the best!

I'm truly blessed.

XOXOXOXO 

HE POOPED!

After several days...

Things are finally "moving" as they should!

And all is right with the world.

EMERGENCY SURGERY

Sorry that I'm so late on posting what happened with Blue.

And sorry for the length of this post.

It's been an exhausting few days. 

I brought Blue to work on Friday and he had finally pooped!
I was so happy but when they did another X-ray, while it showed that the barium had finally made its way into the intestines (It shows up white on X-ray ) there was also a big white blob still in his tummy.
The techs said to try to feed him and see if it would budge.
So he finally ate some canned food, the first food in a few days!

He went potty again, not much and it was runny.

Doc looked at the X-rays and there's definitely something that you could now see an outline of.

Maybe a wash rag or something is what he said.

He wanted to do another X-ray at noon, since Blue just had some canned food and then diarrhea.

To see if it moved any more.

He didn't want to do surgery quite yet since there's been a little bit of movement.

I tried to be calm but inside I was freaking out!
The night before I kept waking up and then I'd have to make sure he was ok.
In the morning, driving him to work, I totally lost it when he suddenly leaned his head over from the passenger seat and rested it in my shoulder.
I was having a really hard time being strong and thinking positive.

(Blue, resting between X-rays)

So after the X-Ray at noon, where they could see something in his belly but entering into his intestines, the tech said if Blue would eat, then see if maybe I could get him to eat enough to push it through.

So I gave him canned food and squirted cheese whiz on it and he ate quite a bit.
He seemed to be in good spirits and Doc thought we could give him the weekend to see if it would work it's way through.

It was really busy at work because on Fridays there are only two vets so Doc was double booked while the other vet, was doing an emergency exploratory surgery on someone else's dog. She started surgery at 1:30 and it wasn't finished until 4:30. They weren't sure what was inside the dog and it took quite a long while.

SO, about 3:30 or so I took Blue outside again to see if he'd poop.

He was walking slower and getting into the position to poop but nothing.

I could see his stomach ripple and kinda tremble.

But no poop.

I went in and told Doc and he was frowning and thinking and then said to take another X-ray.
So we did and it was obvious that Blue was in distress now.

He was breathing heavy and quivering.
The X-ray showed no change and Doc said Blue needed surgery.

We agreed to do it and not wait. 

Doc finished his appointments and the other vet finished up her surgery.
I helped the girls as they prepped him and when Doc came in, I left.

I've been in surgeries before but I couldn't handle seeing Blue cut into.

Lily came in to help.
So in 40 minutes. Start to finish, Doc cut him open, cut out some fat, cut his belly and pulled out a huge woolen thermal winter sock.
It was so big that it would never had gone through his intestines.
I was shocked.

Some of the other techs and the other vet started to make jokes about how socks disappear in the laundry and that's when it hit me.
I'd been so confused as to how he got socks when I haven't worn any since it was cold out.
But when my washer quit and I pulled it away from the wall, a lot of stuff had fallen behind it and there was some old dog food under there so I had run and got a dust pan as I shoo'd the dogs away.

I didn't want anyone eating that icky stuff.
I remember rags, wash cloths, and stuff and I bet there were socks!!!
He must gave gobbled them up as I shoved the washer out the door and down the steps!!!!
So I think that solves the mystery!

I must say that Doc can upset me at times, but he knows his stuff. I don't think Blue could have lasted 3 hours on the table.
Lily said it was the quickest surgery she's ever seen.

She said Doc just went in there and got it, double checked that there was nothing else, flushed it out and closed him up!

I couldn't take Blue home that night because he was out cold (and too big to carry although he's down to 140lbs) but I would get him in the morning.

My friend Katie, the vet tech, went in that night  to give him his injection, pain medication.
And to check on him.

She lives minutes away and I'm across the river in Illinois.

So she sent me photos while she tended to him.

Here's where he's just awake

and then another where he's turned around and he has an e-collar on.

I asked if he hated the collar and she replied that he was already snoring and the walls were rattling!
That's my boy!

So I went to bed and slept very restlessly.

In the morning I hurried downstairs to let the dogs outside to potty.

My cat Harry was in the kitchen.

I don't write as often about my cats but I have so many stories about Harry.

I have had him longer than any pet ever.

He is so special and I've tried to explain to people that he's not really a cat at all but a person trapped in a cat's body.

People always give me that "you are crazy" look but then they meet Harry and fall instantly in love.

You'd just have to meet him in person to understand but he's super important to me and I've had him for 17 years.

So this morning he was crying loudly and walking wobbly.

I ran to the basement for a cat carrier and scooped him up and rushed to the clinic.

I sent a message to the tech that was working that I was on the way with Harry.

I have to drive over a bridge to go from Illinois to Iowa.

I got to the Government Bridge and it was blocked off so I had to turn around and head for the Centinnenial Bridge.

Traffic was lined up because of a big tractor going across.

Apparently they were having a Tractor Show in the East Village.

So as I drove behind this tractor going 20 miles an hour, I lost it.

I was just sobbing.

Finally I arrived at the clinic.

We did several X-rays of Harry.

Luckily we found nothing.

Nothing broken.

No mass inside of him.

He wasn't blocked.

So they drew blood and while they ran his blood work I went back to Blue.

He had an accident over night and they had cleaned him up.

He wouldn't eat breakfast but that's not a surprise. 

I took him outside and he moved very slow and his back was hunched.

He was really sore.

I cleaned his bottom up and his tail.

Then I took him back to his run and gave him his pills.

Because of his size, he's got a handful of them.

Then I went back to check on Harry.

His bloodwork was fine.

The vet couldn't find any bruises or wounds and she checked him over thoroughly.

Doc stopped in and we asked him to give Harry an adjustment while he was there.

He said Harry's neck was really out bad.

He said it would be sore for a while after the adjustment.

The other vet had the tech give Harry a time released pain injection and then they gave me more pain medicine for him to have at home.

So....

I loaded up Harry in the car

And lined the passenger seat with bedding and went and got Blue.

He got into the car like an old person and I buckled him in.

When we got home, Blue took the 5 steps up to the house very slow and gingerly.

I guess we will be sleeping in the living room for a while.

He's not ready for all those steps to upstairs.

When he got inside the house, he just went and laid down in front of the fan.

I brought Harry in and he hid for a while but then came out and I held him as we all took a nap.

I must say, this has been an exhausting few days.

Usually I feel physically exhausted! LOL!

But now it's more mentally and emotionally.

Sorry for such a long post.

I just wanted to share what happened and get it all out of my head.

And finally,

a BIG HUGE THANK YOU

to everyone who sent positive healing thoughts and energy out for Blue.

And thank you for so much more than that too. The emails and the support and the HELP.

Truly, I'm blessed. 

XOXOXOXOXO 

Blue is sick.

Blue is sick.

He'd been kinda weird about his food,

meaning he'd smell it and not eat it all.

So I thought it was his food and then

He threw up a sock at lunch time yesterday

and then another at dinner.

Both socks were completely intact.

Not chewed, just swallowed.

Another odd thing is,

I haven't worn socks for months.

I gave him a while for his tummy to settle and then I gave him special canned food

and he threw that up.

Then he threw up 2 times before bed

And once during night

And twice in morning.

Once in my car and another time here at work.

They gave him an injection for vomiting etc. he won't eat canned, dry or treats. Now they are doing a barium series,

Which involves lots of X-rays.

They are also doing blood tests.

He might be a senior

But he's still a puppy to me

 I know it will all be OK.

Still, Blue and I would appreciate any good healing thoughts and energy that you could send his way.

Xoxo

UPDATE:

The last X-ray of the day showed that the barium had not moved past his stomach.
It should have gone through to his intestines hours before.
Therefore they say it must be a blockage of some sort
or an issue with his intestines not functioning as they should
and squeezing it through.
They are pretty sure there's a blockage.
If it hasn't passed through by the morning
they will do exploratory surgery.

I suppose that some might hesitate doing surgery on a Great Dane who's
almost 11.
But... I have no choice, I must have it done.
So PLEASE, everyone visualize whatever it is
passing through BLue's intestines.
Or him vomiting it up.
Whichever.
It just needs to get out of there!

SO MANY THINGS....

So many things have been going through my head this week.

So many blog posts that I want to write.

So many different topics.

So little time. 

Soon work will slow down 

(kids go back to school soon and families won't be taking vacations and leaving their dogs with me.)

and then I'll be able to write posts about everything I've been thinking about.

So, for now I will just share some of my photography that I first altered in the Aviary app and then the Prism app.

My dog - Jimmy Chew

Blue, of course

And my little Chihuahua, Twinkle

WATCH DOG

Rained this morning.

Really hard!

It was cool enough afterwards to open the windows for a while.

A few people started out for their morning walks before it started to heat up,

with no idea that they were being watched.

Life is Good!

I'm not sure how to explain this but I'll try.

Sometimes I think I block things from my mind.

I mean I'm not completely oblivious but I just refuse to think about it.

I can feel it floating around in my head.

In my subconscious and then peeking out into my conscious thought.

Do you know what I mean?

See, I knew I couldn't explain this right but... 

it's like having a dream and you know you are dreaming and then you wake up and for a moment that dream is still there, floating in the room and then you get up and go about your day and just forget what you dreamt.

So I noticed this marble size lump on Blue's back foot and when I brought him in for a nail trim,

Doc said he didn't think it was anything to worry about.

Then Blue was being grumpy.

It seemed like everything was irritating him.

So I got to thinking, I mean he's 10 years and 8 months old,

maybe he's feeling some aches and pains that seniors have.

So I talked with Doc and started him on a medication for pain and inflammation.

On a side note, one of the women at work whom I have mentioned before, made a comment to me.

She asked if I was trying to have the oldest Great Dane ever.

I didn't look at her but just replied, Yes! He'll be in the World Guinness Book of Records!

Doc didn't say anything and just went and got the pill bottle

but there was this weird jibe in the air.

Seriously, you don't want to know what I was thinking at the time

or what I wanted to say, when she said that.

So I got the pills and because of his size, the chewable pills would cost $60 a month.

They were flavored and he'd gobble them down with his meal.

He'd eat it first and look at me, like it was a treat. 

He'd come up to me and lean his head hard against my leg.

He'd look up at me as if to say 

"Another treat please".

But he'd still be grumpy at times and show his teeth sometimes when little dogs would bump into him as they played

or when I'd nudge him with my toe to move over or

When I'd try to clean around his eye-

Of course I'm Alpha, so I nipped that behavior in the bud right away!

Then my co-worker/friend went on vacation and left her two dogs to board with me.

As she was leaving she said to me that maybe I could ask Doc about the 2 lumps on her dog.

She was sure they were just fatty lumps but since they would be at the clinic anyway....

One of the lumps turned out to be Cancer. 

They called her and then did surgery and the good news is that the results came back with clean margins and they got it all.

But my friend said she felt bad because she almost hadn't had the lumps checked. 

So the end of last week, I searched all over Blue. He grumbled and ROARED!

Then I found another lump.

It wasn't just below the surface but deeper.

Below his rib cage and close to his tummy.

I took him to work Monday.

He was SO happy to go!

He loves riding in the car.

(Jimmy about had a heart attack as we left. Jimmy loves playing with my little dog Ricochet but he needs his Blue).

So we went to work.

I had an official appointment for later in the day at 4.

At 10:00 I couldn't handle it.

I noticed a cancellation at 11:30 so we took that appointment instead.

Years ago, Blue didn't like Doc and would jump and bark at him like crazy.

It was kinda embarrassing actually.

I think Blue was feeding off my energy at the time.

Now I think things are better. I feel like I'm treated with more respect now.

So on Monday Blue was happy to see him.

He was happy to see everyone!

Doc looked him over.

I told him about the pills having no real effect on him so we'd decided not to continue those.

I told him that Blue no longer had the skin irritation or the scratching and seemed to be doing really well on the grain-free food.

Blue is doing good at maintaining his weight and was still 145lbs.

Doc said he looked good.

Then I showed him the new lump and he aspirated it with a needle and it turned out to just be a fatty lump!

I swear I felt like someone took a huge wet backpack off of my back.

Suddenly I felt like I could stand straight again.

Then Doc gave him a chiro adjustment.

I asked if there was anything else?

So Doc got out his stethoscope and listened to Blue's heart.

He said - Sounds Good!

I thanked him and took Blue back to my area.

I swear, it was hard not to skip.

I felt so happy!

I felt like my head cleared suddenly and I could think!

It was like suddenly remembering a dream.

It was a good dream! A happy dream!

After work I loaded Blue up into the car 

and as happy as he had been to come, he was just as happy to be leaving.

I'd glance at him as I drove and he sat there, looking straight ahead.

We got to a stoplight and he leaned over and tried to lean his head on my shoulder.

I laughed and gently pushed him back into his seat.

Blue is healthy and

Life is Good.

FUNK

I'm in a funk.
I thought I had pulled myself out but... truth be told, no.
It's not because of Squeak, although his passing didn't help.
It's just...............

I need a change.
Or maybe just some sleep.
Or maybe just a new approach to life.

I seem to remember an episode of Seinfeld where George, whose life was always a major fail, decided to do the opposite of his natural instincts and suddenly everything started working for him.
Although I can't remember how it ultimately turned out for him, something must have gone wrong as he was back to his never-do-well life by the next episode.

But...
Yesterday when I got home from work it started to storm.
Really high winds, over 50 miles an hour and then hail.
The weather people on TV were intense.
They had their jackets off and their sleeves rolled up and they were showing diagrams on where to seek shelter in your home.
Last year we had a tornado in our region, something rather rare here
and they told us to seek a safe place.
At that time, I went to the basement door and walked down a couple of steps and sat there, holding 2 of my little dogs, Poppy and Ping.

I had motioned Blue to the doorway, I knew he'd never go down the steps, so he sat there along with Nora and Jimmy. I called to the others, I called to my cats...but mostly I called my cats Harry and Ghost.
Strange how I made my Sophie's Choice....
I remember that I had thought if I heard a "train" noise as they predict, I would just set the two little ones down on the icky basement floor and tug Blue as far down the stairs as I could.
I would think if I did that, some of the others would follow him down too.

But last night, curled up in my big chair covered in critters,
I watched the Tornado Warnings and thought about my Dad.
When there would be storms, he liked to open the garage door and sit in his lawn chair and watch.
He never ever was concerned. He never told us to go downstairs.
Of course, the downstairs in my childhood home was nicer than the whole of my home is now.
And MY current downstairs is dark, damp with cinder block walls and it's filled with stuff.
Stuff being old furniture, cat carriers, Rubbermaid containers full of more stuff.
I really didn't want to go down there.
So I pulled up my ottoman and stretched out my legs and more little ones crawled on top of me.
Blue was laying on the sofa

and Nora was pacing.
Nora was the only one that seemed concerned so I called for her to lay down next to the chair.
I figured we'd just wait and see.
I was so tired that I started to drift off to sleep.
I remember thinking just before I drifted off that I hoped the hail didn't dent my car
and that if nothing happened to us, that I needed to pitched the stuff in the basement
and repaint the walls, maybe put down a piece of sheet vinyl flooring...

So, I woke up and the threat had passed.
Apparently 5 tornadoes had touched down in several areas.
Down on the far end of my street, a tree had come down and brought down power lines and people were trapped inside a restaurant.
I was lucky that we still had power in my section of town.
I got up and threw a load of laundry into the washer.
I let the dogs out to potty and the night sky seemed eerie.
They hurried back in and we all went to bed.

I got up this morning and went to work and I cried.
Nothing big really happened or anything but I just cried.
I don't think I'm alone though.
Many people that I work with feel the same way.
And there's other people I know, outside of work, that feel like crying too.
About different things
Maybe it's just the time of year.

Maybe it's that I get home and only have a couple of hours
to clean the house, sort through and get rid of the clutter,
do the laundry, feed the dogs, groom the dogs,

scoop the poop and clean the litter boxes,
read the blogs and the books I want to read and
oh, create Art
and I need to get to bed and get some sleep.
Seems like I never have time to do what I want or the energy.
Maybe it's just that I feel overwhelmed.

Do you feel like that too?
Is it the weather? The time of year?
The horrible things in the News and on social media?
See,  I told you I was in a funk.
Sorry.

WHEW! I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER!

I must admit, I've been in a funk.

I suppose the fact that I didn't sell much at the Horse Expo
AND I haven't sold anything at the Art/Antique place, didn't help.
What was really getting to me though was, how I was living my life.

It was getting to me, working at the kennel, taking care of all the pets
and doing through the same thing each morning and evening at home.
In between I had spent every moment working on my Art for these 2 places
and then I suddenly felt as though I had taken 3 big leaps forward
and then slipped off the path and was stuck in the mud.

I try to be optimist and I know I have so many friends out there urging me on
to keep going
but suddenly I just wanted to come home and do nothing.
I wanted to unplug and relax.
I mostly stayed off Facebook and Instagram except to idly thumb through images on my phone.

I felt like my life was just repetition and not fun.

There are a few positives that happened.
There is a new woman veterinarian at the clinic.
I actually know her,  not very well, but she was at the first clinic that I worked at.
I worked very early mornings then and she would be coming in as I was leaving.
I'm not sure if she remembers me or not.
Right now she's taking over all of Doc's surgeries except the bone ones.
He said that he brought her in as part of his plan to scale back.
He wants to just attend to his long time clients who request him
and of course all of his clients that need chiropractic adjustments
and ultimately just do chiropractic care
but he said he's not going anywhere for a while.
I made the comment the other day to my vet tech friend that I plan on Blue being around for another 20 years and he turned and said he wouldn't be around THAT long (he's Blue's vet) and that he'd be retired by then... (Doc is 2 1/2 years older than I).

And talking about age.
I've hired a new boarding person because one of my workers will be graduating soon from college and moving to Portland, Oregon.
I think everyone was very surprised as to who I hired.
Before I hired him, I told Doc that I had an applicant who the girls said was OLD.
I said that he wasn't old and then I told Doc the year that the applicant had graduated High School.
Doc was startled and said that was the year HE graduated and I said,
Yeah! See he's not old!
Truth be told, they might be the same age but if you put them next to each other, you would never guess it.
Doc looks many years younger but I think he has a young mind frame and that makes a big difference.
SO I hired a man who's older.
He's still working full-time and he has a cat that he loves to talk about but he said he needed to fill his off time and and he misses having a dog
and he has a work ethic.
My niece was worried about a man doing the job, because sometimes men can be a bit rough or harsh with animals but one day as she was leaving work she spied him through the window and saw him playing with one of the cats with a toy and then he stopped and hugged the cat and then went on his way to the dog kennels.
Lily called me right afterwards and said she liked that guy.
So there's that.
Although once the college girl leaves, I'll be working 6 days a week... at least for a while.

So all this good stuff and I was still dragging my feet.
I started devising alternative career plans.
I thought about caring for dogs in my home, just smaller dogs
and marketing the fact that they would be in a home environment.
Then I realized I have a full plate right now, several are elderly and
then there's Blue.

So I discarded that idea.... at least for now. Maybe as a side job in retirement, but not NOW.

Then I decided to open a Cat Cafe.
A place where I'd serve, coffee and teas.
Smoothies and tasty treats.
I'd have big comfy chair where people could lounge and read or work on their laptops.
And there would be cats.
Sweet sociable cats, Cats to relieve stress and comfort.
Maybe a big screen in the back area and big floor cushions to lay on and have movie nights....
But after talking with my sister about all the expenses to furnish the place, the rent, the little kids that would want to come in and run after the cats and...
Yep, nixed that idea too.

I did have a great talk with my sister though.
We had met for our monthly breakfast get-together at my favorite family-owned breakfast joint.
I wish we could do that more often.
Afterwards I drove her by a house in the neighborhood we grew up in.
It's for sale and needs A LOT of work but sits on an acre of land.
On either side of it, sits big gorgeous homes and the property taxes would probably be at least 5K a year.
Yep, out of the question.
Then we drove by a house that I've always loved and is now for sale.
It's only four blocks down and one block over from me.
I said to her that I would probably be stupid to move so close to where I live right now.
She didn't think it was dumb, not if I was moving to something better.
So, anyway-
The house is small with a little breezeway going to the attached garage and a nice level backyard.
Usually my sister is pretty bland in her responses about houses I find but she loved this one.
She said that if there was an Open House the next day (Sunday) she would go with me!
She NEVER wants to go to Open Houses.
So I went home and looked it up and found that it was "Sale Pending".
Sigh, Oh well.... it's not like my own home to sale ready.
It needs many many repairs and major de-cluttering.

So... I went to the library.
I checked out a bunch of children's books and poured over the illustrations.
Suddenly I wanted to start drawing again.
I'm going to re-write my Kanga book and making it less wordy.
But I've got clear ideas in my head about it.

I'm then going to start on my Blue book(s).
One for any age and also a series for kids about some of his adventures.
And I can see it in my head!
I'm dropping my altered photos and moving forward on the illustrations.
I'm working on simple little cards and prints and putting them for sale on my blog
and Etsy.

I ordered a couple of books off of Amazon about
non-traditional retirement ideas and also about de-cluttering and why a person accumulates so much in the first place and can't let stuff go.

Then the weather turned and it suddenly was nice outside.
I worked outside for a bit and finally was able to breathe.
Literally and figuratively.
I had forgotten how much I missed working outside, it's garden therapy.
I texted my sister that maybe I'll grow and sell cut flowers!!!
She didn't respond but I think I wear her out with my grand schemes and ideas.
She's probably just waiting to see if I change my mind again!
But whatever!
At least I'm full of ideas and motivated again!

SATURDAY!

One week left until the Horse Expo!

So I'm just checking in!

I have gotten A LOT of my altered photography done and plan to work on horse illustrations today.

I posted that on Facebook and just got invited to come out to some stables for inspiration.

Gulp.

I'm such a hermit.

But I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and going!

I hope to catch up on my blog reading tonight. I miss you guys so much.

Also, work/my day job seems to be getting better!

There are some new developments that I hope will ultimately make life happier.

I must get busy but I will leave you with this photograph of Blue, that I just took.

I swear he's a cat in a dog's body!

He's slept all night, got up for breakfast and then goes back to sleep!