Heaven has another Angel Dog.

I had to let my perfect little dog Vera Wag go to Heaven this afternoon.
I was lucky to have her for the last 8 years of her life.
She turned 13 this year.
I thought I would have had longer with her
but she didn't want to eat and worse than that, she was giving me this "look".
My friend/co-worker Katie, the one who went back and took care of Blue after his surgery,
talked with me about Vera and how she was feeling.
She came back to boarding this morning and I was holding Vera and I was saying how Vera was giving me this pleading look.
I turned to her and found her crying and Katie said that maybe I needed to tell Vera it was OK to "go".
So I told Vera that it was OK, that she could go to Heaven and she just stared at me with big frightened eyes.

We had our monthly staff meeting today over the lunch hour and afterwards Lily came back to see Vera.
She walked into the run and knelt down next to her bed and just started crying.
"Why are you crying?!" I asked as I cried too.
Lily said that she could tell that Vera was ready.
That she wanted to go.
I told Lily I wasn't sure if I was ready for her to go yet and Lily got up and told me to call her if I needed her.
(She had the day off and left.)

Katie had left early for the day and I texted her and told her about Lily.
She answered back that she thought that Vera was trying to tell me something.
She thought Vera's eyes were trying to send me a message.
That she was ready.
As I was texting Katie, telling her that I needed to call Lily, Katie walked in the door.
She had come back to work to help me and Vera.

I called Lily and she came back too, in just mere minutes.

I'm so thankful to these two wonderful girls who helped me accept that it was time to end Vera's suffering.
As I held Vera, Katie commented how she could feel the bones in her back and there was nothing to her legs, just skin and bones and
Just the huge tumor that bloated her belly.
Vera's little face stared up at me and Katie said
"Can you see it? The way she's trying to tell you that she's ready?"
Through my tears I said Yes.
The three of us went outside and sat in the grass with Vera.
Katie gave her an injection to relax her
and then she went and got the vet, not Doc but the newer woman vet who helped me with Stretch.
She came outside and knelt down in the grass with us and released Vera from her tired and swollen body so that she could go to Heaven.
I thanked her and she told me she was so sorry and went back inside.

Then Lily commented that now Vera would be with Raini,
my little cat that passed at the beginning of the year.

Vera loved that cat.
Lily said "Now Raini can give Vera massages in Heaven".
(Raini loved to knead on the dogs, especially Vera.)
That made me cry even harder but then...the thought of them together started to bring me some peace.
I thanked Lily for that, and for being there
and I thanked Katie for returning and helping me.

I held Vera for a few moments more, but she was gone.
I handed her to Lily and she said she'd take care of her and I left to go home.
I cried as I drove, I know it was for the best but...
life is so damn unfair sometimes. 

Vera Wag

I have a lot of dogs.

Anyone who reads my blog knows that.

I mostly talk about my Blue or

Maybe about Jimmy Chew and whatever trouble he's got himself into.

I also don't talk about them all because I think it gets confusing and hard for people to keep track of everyone.

That doesn't mean that each and every one of them aren't special to me and hold a piece of my heart.

A sad fact too is that sometimes when they are absolutely perfect they might not get as much attention as the trouble makers.

"Good" dogs don't always make for the funniest of stories sometimes too.

Perfect is my little Vera.

(this is Vera in 2008 after she got all groomed up fancy)

I know that I wrote about her before but it's been a very long time ago.

She's of course another rescue.

A beautiful grey miniature poodle hidden under dirty matted hair.

She's the kind of dog that no matter what, would never bite.

She sits silently and patiently as she's groomed.

They have pulled a loose tooth with her wide awake and she just let them.

All she wants are snuggles and kisses in return.

So...

I went to shave Vera last Wednesday night.
I've been shaving the poodles like Serta sheep with skinny legs and fluffy bodies.
Because of that fluffiness I didn't realize that Vera's belly was extremely swollen and her back legs very puffy until I started shaving her.

I brought her into work me the next morning and they did X-rays
and then an ultrasound and they found a HUGE mass.
Too big to remove and most likely attached to one or more organs.
She's 13 years old.
Since she's still eating and running around and even still jumps up on the bed, they don't think she's in pain.
They say if she quits eating then it's time.

They also said she's losing some blood and there is probably some internal bleeding.
They said she might end up bleeding out sometime but that it's not a bad way to go.
Meaning she could just pass away some time.

I gotta say, sometimes it's really hard to focus on the positives and remain upbeat.

UPDATE

This Friday (today) her belly was as big as a basketball and her hind legs and hocks were triple their size.

I'm now giving her twice daily injections of Salix to get rid of all the fluid she's retaining.
She was so bloated that you could lay your hand on her belly and it would become moist.

I asked one of the vets how long she had.

She said it could be a day or it could be weeks.

I added "or months?"

But she sadly shook her head and said 

No, not months.

So...

I'm not asking for prayers or healing thoughts.

This is not something that is going to get better.

I hesitated even sharing this but...

I do share just about everything and...

well...if I didn't share I would feel like once again, Vera the perfect dog,
wouldn't get the attention she deserved.

If anything I guess I just want everyone to take a few extra moments out of their day
and hug and love on those who don't get their fair share.

Those who are so good that they don't get constant attention.

I know that's what I'll be doing in these final days.

NATIONAL DOG DAY.... Part TWO

This might be a first for me, to do TWO posts in ONE day!
But I posted this over on my Facebook account and thought I should share it here too.
Vera Wag... a little poodle who I adopted years and years ago and I never seem to talk about her here.

"National Dog Day....
Sometimes when you live in a family of several dogs and you are a perfect dog who never does anything wrong and you never get into anything and you are just quiet and very sweet... Well, you don't get talked about as much. Because of this fact, today Vera Wag is getting her photo put up for National Dog Day... AND she was adopted from the shelter folks! Proof positive that there are WONDERFUL dogs waiting for homes. It's not their fault that they had stupid original owners. I'm so lucky to have her in my family."