MY HOUSE

My home.

A port from life's daily storms.

Sometimes I will post tiny snippets of it

but I never share the whole thing.

Part of the reason is because I do want to keep it private but

mostly because it's far from being "done" and definitely doesn't measure up to the homes on my blog feed.

I'm slowly working on it but it's taking me forever.

It's due to lack of money and also time.

I work a physically demanding job and when I come home, I don't always feel like working on the house.

So it's taking me YEARS.

I know some people aren't concerned with such things 

but I'm obsessed with decor and design.

It's obviously not because I'm trying to impress people

because I basically don't let many people inside my home.

I know it's for myself, my own satisfaction and  the feeling of peace as I step inside the door to my private space.

Lately I feel like it's creating me stress.

Stress, because I've been a bit overwhelmed emotionally lately

(I'll share at a later date)

and it's been a struggle to just maintain order.

And also I'm having stress because I have a friend I recently reconnected with, after decades

and who wants to come to my home. 

I've said we should meet up for lunch but this friend is constantly requesting to meet Ghost

and Blue and....

asking how many pets I have 

and.....

I don't feel like it's mean spirited at all but it's freaking me out.

I've seen images of this person's home

and I'm thinking I could fit my house into the foyer of hers.

and...I don't want to be judged, critiqued or whatever.

I'm not saying she would necessarily judge me but we are now from two entirely different worlds.

This is my refuge, my safe place

and I don't need the pressure.

Some day I hope to have my house to a point that I won't be self conscious about every little thing

but it's not there yet.

I've tried to nicely convey my thoughts

and truly I don't understand why there is such a need to come here.

I've had been working hard on my home

but right now I just want to stop.

Relax and mess it up with art stuff.

It's nice that technology has enabled us to reconnect with people from our pasts

but hermits like me, are hermits for a reason.

That being said...

I love having people like my niece Lily over.

She comes over and flops down in my big chair and chats.

She opens my refrigerator and doesn't comment on the items inside but just grabs some cheese to munch on.

She eats the Halloween candy that's sitting on the shelf with my art supplies and

she looks at things I'm working on and gets excited.

She joins me on the patio and helps me scoop poop

and plays with my dogs.

She doesn't seem to notice that I still have sample paint colors painted on the wall in the kitchen

or that the bathroom still doesn't have the wallpaper done.

I've had other people who have come over and asked me to put my dogs outside

as they excitedly jump up. I've told them that my dogs are just happy to see them and will settle down in a minute

but I can feel my shoulders tense tight and I feel uncomfortably as their eyes scan around the room taking in the chaos.

I hear myself explaining how I'm doing laundry or working on a project or.....

The thing is, when you live in a teeny tiny house where when you walk in and you are instantly in the living room that turns into the kitchen that turns into the laundry room...

Well, yeah. It's all THERE

right in front of you.

Sigh....

So that's just a tiny bit of the stress that's been bugging me.

I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of defending why this or that isn't done.

I'm tired of saying I have no extra dollars.

I'm tired of having no energy.

I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me.

I'm tired of feeling like I must spend my time on projects on the home when I just want to work on my art/books.

and I'm REALLY tired of people asking how many pets I have and making jokes that I live in a zoo.

All my pets are very well cared for.

I make sure they have what they need even if it means I buy the special food for them and eat cereal for myself.

Besides, I love cereal.

It's easy for me to complain here but hard for me to convey that to the people who don't even realize how much their comments and requests stress me out.

So... I'm really thinking hard about how to deal with THIS

because I have some OTHER things going on that I have to figure out too.

My usual method is to pull out my big scissors and cut the ties, the strings that reach out to tie up my thoughts.

OK, I've got that off my chest!

and here's a photo I found over HERE.

Funny that I love white so much but this just jumped out and grabbed me.

It's how I truly want my home to be.

Warm, safe, comfortable and private....

and no concerns about keeping up with the Joneses, or whoever.

NO MORE DOGS! or CATS.

Thank god this week is over.

Of course it's just the beginning.

But Spring Break always hits hard at the kennel.

I had dogs and cats everywhere.

Friday morning as I was trying to get dogs outside and back in and feed and medicated,

several owners showed up to pick up their dogs early.

One of the receptionists offered to run the dogs up front for me.

She was racing back and forth and I was loading her up with their food and supplies 

and then another receptionist starting paging me.

She had more dogs coming in.

So the receptionist ran back more dogs and it was a mad house.

She finally stopped and looked at me and said

"I have no idea how you are able to do this every day!"

"Neither do I" I replied.

At the end of the day, my kennel worker showed up to take over.

She stated how tired she was of doing "all of this".

She does it four times a week

for 4 hours intervals.

I told her that I was tired too

and that I do it all week for 9 hours shifts.

But I reminded her that at least we worked with animals

and didn't have to deal with people.

She agreed, it was a better situation.

I left out what I was thinking,

That I'm 35 years older than her, so I didn't really want to hear how tired she was.

Yep, I hate to say this but it is REALLY getting to me.

Maybe it's the stressful situation happening here at home right now

that makes me so tired of it all.

I feel like my home has turned in a old dog nursing home.

I mean, I knew this day was coming but

I don't know...

Anyway, the other night as Ruby stood all wobbly at the water bowl,

she fell over

so I stood her back up.

and over she went again,

so I set her back up

and down she went.

I lift her up again and

finally she had her footing.

Later that night, after everyone had been out for their final nightly potty.

Claude just stood at the bottom of the three steps.

Staring at them and then at me.

It was like he needed a running start

and he just couldn't do it.

As I started to go get him, he walked away and circled around

and with great effort, hurled himself up the steps.

The next morning I let everyone outside and then when they were finished, I called them back inside.

Button was pacing back and forth along the fence.

She's totally blind now but usually knows her way around.

But she was confused out there and although I called out to her

she just turned around and listened, not sure where to go.

I went out and picked her up.

I reassured her and her tail was wagging like crazy.

And then there's Rosie.

Older than dirt.

Just two random snaggleteeth left on bottom of her mouth.

She's doing fine

but very quirky.

She has to walk against the walls

or along the furniture to go room from room.

She even squirms under the china hutch to get to the laundry room

rather than walk across the floor, out in the open.

Maybe she's not so dingy after all.

Maybe it's self-preservation.

After all, packs of dogs are known to take out the weakest link.

Although I would never leave her alone with the bigger dogs

where that could be a threat.

but she is very old.

So, I'm tired.

Which is why I recently turned down a Maltese dog.

I love Maltese's.

My first "little" dog, my first small rescue was a 10 yr old Maltese.

and this one is only 9 months old and deaf.

He's a boy dog. So there would be the potential of a leg lifting hassles.

Not all male dogs do that but some do.

But I don't have the energy

I'm trying to share info with them about deaf dog rescue.

So, no more animals are coming home with me.

Which reminds me

I need to do a post about my newest cat

that I got a couple of months ago.