S A D

First thank you, thank you VERY VERY MUCH for all the kind and caring comments.

I thought I was prepared for Griffin's passing, given his advanced age and recent health scares.

but NO.

I felt overwhelmed by sadness...

Sad over his loss and apparently still

S.A.D.

that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing I had mentioned before.

I had to work everyday this week, including yesterday morning so I've been mentally and physically exhausted.

This week one of my boarders, a little beagle, who has gallstones, stopped eating and turned very lethargic. Surgery would be needed and there were no guarantees on the outcome. The owners felt that at her age, surgery was not an option.

So they had decided to let her go.

Apparently they called and told the girls up front that they were bringing her in but they wanted her to think she was going to boarding.

They said they couldn't bear to stay but they didn't want her to be scared.

They wanted me to come get her and sit with her instead.

So I did.

When they arrived I walked up to them and scooped her into my arms, I didn't even try to stop the tears streaming down my face.

I just didn't have it in me.

The girls went into the Comfort Room with me and everyone stroked her body and gave her kisses as she was given a shot to make her sleepy.

I held her as she fell to sleep and was given the final injection that sent her to Heaven.

Yep, it's been one big party around here lately.

It's made me question if I should continue working at the clinic but then I thought of other employment that I've had.

Where else could I go back to my desk after my own personal loss of Griffin and sob as I held one of my cats?

Where else could I sit and comfort and be strong for someone else's pet that was in need of someone who really cared about them.

Yep, my heart has had a work out this week. But I will stay as I continue to work on a career creating Art.

So... I've been doing pretty well except for the other night when I went into the dark laundry room to grab a load out of the dryer. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Griffin laying in his bed. It was just a dog towel that I forgotten that I had tucked into it.

I started to cry again and when I walked into the living room, Blue was sitting up on his loveseat.

I picked up the camera, could he be feeling my sadness?

Was he feeling sympathy, empathy.

I know he didn't care about Griff. I doubt he even noticed him much.

But I FELT some energy coming from him and had to go sit with him and hold his big head against me.

I'm not surprised. Blue has so many times reflected my thoughts.
 

Yesterday morning as I mentioned before, I worked and then my sister and my youngest niece Lily and I went to an early movie.

A movie that I really wanted to see "Life of Pi".

I stopped at their house so we could all drive together and Lily handed me a wad of Kleenex as we headed for the door.

She said "Just in case".

What a visually beautiful movie. It's definitely one that needs to be seen on the big screen.

It leaves you to decide what really happened and I believe that I know but...
I won't spoil it here.

Anyway. Beautiful movie.

I came home, fed the dogs and fell to sleep on the sofa, something I never do. I woke covered in little dogs and got up and let everyone out for the last night time potty and then went upstairs to bed and slept more.

I can't believe I slept that much.

In the morning I noticed in the bathroom (which is currently crowded with container plants and flowers that didn't die outside) that a Gerber Daisy had bloomed!

I went downstairs and the strong sunlight on the snow was brightly shining in through the white curtains.

I made some coffee and started arranging furniture.

I do that often.

I sat down and wrote out on index cards the different areas of my life that need tending.

To help me focus and to kick this SAD crap in the teeth.

(I will share those in another post)

I got on the computer, which sits on my desk behind the loveseat and started surfing and then writing.

Blue raised his head from his usual spot and looked up at me.

"I'm OK, Blue. Don't worry. I'm fine"

and he laid his head and started his Sunday nap.

Yep. I'm fine.

and once again THANK YOU all so much for being there for me.

XOXO