Wednesday, October 12, 2016

How I am SNAPPING out of it.

The last few days I've felt rather...
I know I shouldn't be.
That it's very self-indulgent.
Things are better for me right now than they have been for quite a while..
My work load is lightening up.
A few vacation days are on the horizon.
I'm healthy.
I have a million creative ideas
and yet....
I've felt really

Usually when I felt like this, I started to count my blessings.
There are so many people out there with
I mean, how dare I!?

In the past I would give myself a few days.
Just wait for the feeling to pass.
And I usually start researching things
and looking at images that make me happy and feed me creatively.

I'm not the most tolerant of self-pity
and those who prefer to embrace unhappiness.
Someone I know is always posting on Facebook
about how her life sucks and how everything happens to her
and she's exhausting.
I tried commenting and leaving her encouraging thoughts
but she's like -
"Nope, I'm miserable".
I just backed off and didn't bother to comment further
although I wanted to say -
"And that is how you will stay."

My own father suffered from depression
and let me say right now, I was not IN a depression.
Just "feeling" depressed and kinda down.

So yes, for me, time always helps
and SIGNS.
I always think that The Universe puts a sign, a message into my path
to take care of the feeling.
To motivate me, to make me

So why was I feeling depressed?
Well, the usual things.
Things going wrong around the house.
Things breaking and the irritation of having to figure out how to fix them and pay for them.
Unexpected bills.
Just the stuff that life is made of
and the downside of being a responsible adult.

And other stuff.
Stupid stuff like dealing with clutter
and just making myself get rid of it.
I mean how stupid is that?
That clutter could overwhelm me
when in reality it's something that could be easily remedied.
Trash it or donate it or....
Put it in my booth, when I get my booth.

Is my booth a good idea?
Jeez, now after a long post about the excitement of getting a booth
I'm questioning it already?!?!?
Should I take my name off of the waiting list?
I had started writing down everything I wanted to do and BAM!
When am I going to have time to do EVERYTHING?
What's most important to me?
When am I going to write?
When am I going to illustrate?
When am I going to learn watercolor?
When am I going to Blog?
Wow, WHT is wrong with me?

Reading over some of the comments left for me,
while they are all so super supportive, I feel like they mostly were
urging me to set up my shop or at least list my items somewhere online.
Rather than have them at a random booth in the middle of the Midwest....

I found this quote and WHOA!
This is TOTALLY me! -

I'd be long squished by now.

And then there were much MUCH bigger things.
The recent death of another person I know to cancer
and now two more people, both beautiful and kind women with families, one being the best friend of someone I'm very close to and another is someone I knew when I was young, both are dealing with terminal cancer.

Usually news like that immediately pulls me out of my "woe is me" mindset.
The realization of MY good fortune to have good health
kicks me in the butt and tells me to KNOCK IT OFF!
I mean, really!
How dare I whine about anything!
But instead I felt overwhelmed with sadness and the anger at the unfairness of it all.
Why is Cancer still here?
Why can't they find the cure?
Why does it take these wonderful people!?

Then I finally got to thinking about how time is precious
and how things can change in an instant,
and how I needed to pull myself out of this stupid tailspin.

Of course there was SOMETHING ELSE that occurred that also caused me to feel so down.
It was a blog post that I had written a long time ago.
I hardly ever go back and read my posts,
but apparently I should.
I had gone to my STATS
and saw that most of my "views" actually were coming from Pinterest!
If I had any common sense at all, I'd be setting up shop on Etsy or somewhere
and then tagging them on Pinterest.
I mean, DUH.

Then I went to see what my most popular post was
or at least the one with the most views and this was it:
So far it has a total of 17211 views!
Now I realize that most people probably found it while searching for:
Bike riding.
Biking with dogs.
Vespa's with sidecars for your dog.
5 year plans.
House fires.
or something else, rather than my birthday.

But this was a post from FIVE YEARS AGO!!!
with my plan on where I'd like to be in FIVE years otherwise known as -
And that's when I got depressed.
Real depressed.

Not much has changed from then.
I've just been spinning my wheels
and going nowhere?!
I'm doing better than 10 years ago but....

So, that's what really did me in for awhile.
It stepped on some of my fingers hanging onto the ledge
as I dangled over my Pity party.
The feeling of all that wasted time.
And the feeling of time running out.
The realization again of my mortality.
And... the feeling that my best days are behind me.

Then I found this:

Helen Mirren at 71.

Thank you Helen.

and this:

''I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.''
~ Brené Brown
Thank you Brene Brown.

I needed that.

Time to stop THINKING and just start DOING.

In closing, I'm sorry my Blogger friends.
I know that I can be exhausting and majorly repetitive.
Thank you for your patience and kindness.
I hope you are all happy and celebrating Autumn.
I hope you have your lives together and figured out and all is going well.
But if you don't, know that you are not alone
and feel free to share and/or give suggestions on how you SNAP OUT OF IT!

Thursday, October 6, 2016


The Universe hears what you think about.
And delivers.
Sometimes you wish for something
and when it happens, you get scared.

Or maybe that's just me.

So, FOREVER I've been wanting help and relief at work.
I do have some very good help
but they are part-time and they all work full-time jobs elsewhere.
So that has still left me working 6 days a week.
Well... Not anymore!

I've hired someone who is an adult.
Someone who has known Doc for a very long time,
although he had no idea that she was looking for a job.
She had told our Hospital Administer that she was looking for employment.
The H.A. knows her because they are both dog breeders.
One of the vet techs knows her very well also,
because she is a breeder too.

I must mention here that they are all legitimate breeders of Show Dogs
and not the backyard variety.
Anyway, apparently dog breeders are a community and all know each other.

So I hired this woman who cares for her own multiply dogs daily.
So she knows hard work.
She's had to administer drugs to them, so she has no problem giving medications.
She's somewhere in my age group
and she loves dogs.
She's very nice and pleasant.
So what more could I ask for?

Now I have Wednesday's off!
Can you imagine me having two days off in one week!?
I'm in Heaven.

So I had yesterday off and I had a lot of plans for my day.

First I met my friend for an early (6am) breakfast
and then I came home to tackle 2 BIG projects.
Since Thursdays are trash day, I decided to pick up a little bit around the house first
so I could get rid of some things.
Somehow I ended up sorting through and rearranging two rooms!
I worked on it all day and had a HUGE contractor bag full of stuff for the trash.
I've decided that on Wednesday I will always spend a little bit of time to throw away a few things.
And also load a few items in the car to donate.
I felt good even though I had not gotten to the 2 BIG projects!

So I returned to work today and had my usual notes
and several phone messages to return
and reservations to make and...
Then I noticed a note of my desk.

The new woman had made a boarding appointment in the computer
and asked if she had done it right and if so, could I call and confirm with the client.
I had not taught her this step yet.
I looked at the reservation and it appeared that she had done everything right.
But how had she done it ? and who had taught her?

I went and asked the Hospital Administer if she had come to her for help
while I was off but she was surprised and said No!
The H.A. asked how did she know the program for it?
I shrugged and went back to my area.

Later that morning the new woman dropped by.
She had an appointment for one of her dogs but wanted to know
if I had seen the note and if had she done the reservation right.
I told her Yes. She had done it correctly but how did she know how to?
She replied that she just figured it out! LOL!
I said if she had down it wrong or messed up the schedule I might have been upset
but since she did it right, that everything was fine and then I kinda laughed.

A little bit later I went up and told the Hospital Administer that she had "just figured it out"
to which she replied "Wow!"
I said "Yeah, I know!"
and then (although I've had this in the back of my mind since Day One)
I said "Yeah, and she tidied up the area next to the cabinet where everyone tosses stuff!"
I paused and then added -
"Yep! She's after my job and but she can't have it!"
Everyone laughed and I went back to my area.

A half hour later I went to get my hoodie
but it wasn't jammed on the shelf by my desk.
I looked around and there it was! Hanging on a hook!

Later when I had to go back up front to the office area with some files
I walked over to the bin and put the files in it and turned around and said
to the Hospital Administer and the other office girls -
"She hung up my hoodie!"
and as I walked away as they all started laughing.

But to be honest,
it's a good thing.
I was scribbling down ideas all day on scratch paper and post-its.
Ideas of things I want to do and create.
All plans for my Art.
News ideas and game plans.
The Universe has sent me just what I've been needing.
I've been putting everything BEFORE my Art and I need to re-focus.
My Art needs to more important.
I've been on the edge and I just needed a push.

Sunday, October 2, 2016


On the day that Blue had his surgery, something happened that I didn't share.
Something kinda funny.
It had nothing to do with Blue
but just something that happened that day when I went out for lunch.

That day we were taking x-rays of Blue hourly.
It was nearing lunchtime and
I was waiting for Doc to look at the latest x-ray taken
but he had several appointments left to do.
So I decided to run and get something for lunch and get some gas.
I thought I would have Blue with me when I went home that night
and I don't like stopping anywhere with him in the car.

So I went and got gas and saw a long line at my usual lunch drive-through
and decided last minute to go to another place.
As I drove back to work, I decided to take the backstreets because that route would be less busy.

As I travelled up the road I noticed that the driver ahead of me
had pulled over suddenly.
I slowed up as I passed her and glanced over and
I saw she was leaning over a dog
So I pulled over  and stopped a little bit ahead of her.
I got out and she had a hold of the dog's collar.
She looked up at me and asked me if it was my dog.
I replied, No and that I had just stopped because I thought she might need some help.

So, she's holding onto this dog and said -
"I saw him in the middle of the road and he was on his back and I thought he had been hit by a car!"
Then she continued and said "But apparently there's a dead squirrel here in the road and he was just rubbing his back on it!"
We both kinda laughed and she said he had a tag with his name and a number.
I went and got my phone and called the number but no one answered.
I left a message.

So she was looking around for a moment
and I said "Well...
I could take him with me to work, I work at a vet clinic not far from here."
She was very relieved as it turned out that she was on her way to pick up her kid from the daycare center on the corner of the block.

So I took ahold of his collar
and I looked at his name tag.
"Come on Champ" I said.
He didn't look at me but just walked with me to my car.
I opened the passenger side door and he jumped in.
I walked around and got in my side.
He sat like a person and silently looked out the window.
Looking at him made me kinda laugh as we drove back to work.

I had a spare leash in the car so I looped it around his head when we got there
and lead him inside and then out to the potty area in boarding.

I called the number again, no answer but I left a message as to where Champ was.

A few minutes passed and his owner called.
He was up on his roof working but he would drive over shortly to get him.
In the meantime I got Champ some water.
Soon his dad arrived and thanked me.
He said they lived right on the corner where we found him
and that he had just been in the yard moments before I called.
I told him how the other driver had seen him
in the middle of the road and had stopped thinking he had been hit.
Then I told him about the squirrel.
He laughed and thanked me again
and said he was glad Champ hadn't gotten hit by a car
while rolling on a squirrel.

"Especially on National Dog Day!" the owner exclaimed.
I had forgotten that, what with all that was going on with Blue.

So I went and got Champ, who was instantly happy to see his owner.
He jumped up on him and his tail was wagging like crazy.

I'm glad that it all turned out so well.
Then I went up front to see what Doc thought about Blue's latest x-ray.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016


My email total just hit 6666 today.
Yep, before long it would be 7000.
I just know it would.
I used to hang on to paper, bills, receipts
and now it's email.
I started to go through them but...
I just bit the bullet and deleted them ALL!
I really hope there wasn't anything in there that I need because it's GONE.
I also deleted, the deleted.
I should feel good about it but...
I kinda feel sick.

Sunday, September 25, 2016


Someone that I know, a client from the clinic, asked me to something with a photo of her two dogs.
They are both in Heaven now,
So how could I refuse?
I sent this to her for approval -

Her response was that she was crying.
Crying happy tears.
Her husband liked it too.
Especially their eyes.

Instead of my usual 4x4 size
This one is 5x7 and I've mounted it on a 1 1/2 inch thick canvas with the sides painted black.

While I was at it, I did Doc's two dogs.

I watch them whenever he goes out of town
so I took the opportunity to take their pics.
I'm giving them to him as a small token of my appreciation for him saving Blue.
So, THESE might actually be the last ones in this style.
Maybe, I mean who knows. I might do more if there was a special circumstance.

Other news, the place that I gave notice at?
She's currently using my prints as a header on her shop's Facebook page.

Yep. Too little too late for me though.
I did get a phone call from her yesterday in regards to someone asking if I'd give a discount if they purchased 10...
Or maybe even 20!
I had already dropped the price to $10.00
(For Halloween pieces only)
But I went ahead and said yes.
I authorized a 25% discount if he purchased at least 10.
The owner said she'd call me later so I would know what he had bought and what I would need to replenish.
She never called so I stopped down to look for myself today.
Turns out he hadn't purchased any of them.
Oh well.
Definitely time to move on from there.

Sunday, September 18, 2016


I've written a few posts.
I just haven't published them.
They seemed dull and whiny.
I need to tweak them up a bit.

I actually have a lot to write about but
just can't seem to get it together.

I've been thinking about A LOT of things.
About the future,
about maybe moving someday.
Just lots of things but I won't go into that now.

Rather, I'm going to talk about my ART.
Things I've been working on.
Mistakes that I believe I have made
and some changes I'm going to make
and just Follow my heart.

So, let's start with my photography prints.
That's kinda backfired on me.
I'm selling them at the Art and Antiques place downtown.
Well, they are for sale
But none have sold.
The last two months I had to PAY for my space and made ZERO cash.
In the hole.
Materials and time spent have not been recouped.

At my work place, the vet clinic, I've sold a couple
but mostly I've sold commissioned ones of people's pets.
I don't mind it too much at first.
I would take the photos
and alter them and everyone was happy.
But then people have wanted to supply me with THEIR photos....

It's not MY photography, and I felt like a glorified photo editing person who mounts prints on canvas.

While I do need the dollars, I have come to realize that -
This very afternoon, I should be working on such a project and I'm dragging my feet.
Add to the fact that I'm charging such a small amount....
Yep, I'm kinda done with it.

But my illustrations...
I need to get back to THOSE.
I want to experiment more with layered papers and things.
AND I bought a book about doing watercolor!
I'm not sure how to do it but I like the look of it so much.
Right now I do everything in Inktense pencils
or else in acrylic paint.
I'm self-taught but I really like this how-to book.
So I'm excited about figuring out watercolors!

Then there's the Art & Antique place where I have my altered photography and also my illustrations.
My sister and I meet for breakfast once a month and after breakfast last weekend
she went with me to set up my new Halloween display.
I had made several prints of my illustrations and also of some vintage Halloween photos.

I was pretty happy with my display and as I was paying up front for my last months rent
my sister milled around the place.
I joined her after I was done and we walked around looking.
My sister is very honest and would never say something just to be polite
but as she looked at the antiques and then the various Halloween displays,
she turned to me and said -
"I don't think your Art fits in this place".
She waved her hand at a display with plastic dolls and their handmade clothes that were for sale.
Then she nodded over at a booth full of antique knicky knacks.
Then she walked over to a display of various Halloween items and said -
"And obviously these things were purchased from a store and then just retagged and put in the booth space"
and she shook her head and said she had not seen one thing she would want to buy.

I told her I was rethinking it all.
Then I told her I hadn't had any sales for 2 months.
I gathered up a few of my altered prints to take back to the clinic but I gave her two of them.
They were of her own cats.
She smiled.

Later that night, I was on Facebook and I noticed that the Art and Antiques place
had posted on their page a video montage of all the Halloween displays.
I watched the video and then I text my sister with a link to it and asked for her "opinion" of the video.
She watched it and then text back -
"So she's included everyone's Halloween items but yours?!
You need to pull your stuff!?"
I told her I intended too.

The next morning I gave my notice, unfortunately it's a 60 day notice per my "contract'
but at least I'll be done by the end of November.

Then I called the place where I used to have my big booth
and sold a lot of my items that I had here at home.
I had given that up when I felt like I didn't have the time for it
and also when I got rid of my van.
A couple of weeks ago I had been thinking about that place
and I just randomly called and had them put my name on their waiting list.

So I called them and clarified to the exact size space that I wanted.
I didn't want the BIG 8" x 8' space that I had before but rather the 4' x 8' space.
I asked if there were a million people ahead of me and he laughed and said -
"Not a million but a few"
(Last time I had to wait a whole year to get in but hopefully it won't be the same again.)

So that's the other mistake I made.
Letting my space go at the big Antiques and Collectibles place.

So I text my sister that night.
Usually when I tell her a current idea, she will answer back with a single word.
Like - "OK" or "Good" or "Uh Huh"
I suppose it's exhausting to know me,
what with all my ideas.
But that night I text her and said - that I had put my name on the list at the old place and she said that she thought it was a great idea.
I told her I should have stayed with that place even if I couldn't move big things with my car.
I said I had been thinking about things I could make besides also selling things I still had in my house.

I wanted to paint Folk Art signs too,
and weather them outside.
I wanted to make weird primitive dolls like I used to make for her girls
and just really folk arty stuff like things I want to make for my own yard.
I wish I had photos of the old stuff but here are a couple cat dolls I used to make. They aren't the same as the dolls but they were also made out of cloth and painted. -

I have ideas like making peace poles
and eclectic painted fence pickets
and I said to her that I wanted to make the booth space like a "scene"  or a window display.
Kinda magical and things for the seasons.
I wanted to make one of a kind things so people would feel like they must buy it before its gone.
I  also would paint some furniture but just little pieces.

I also want to make some papier-mâché things.
I've done papier-mâché items years ago and they didn't look like papier-mâché.
I wish I had photos but one looked like a ship's figurehead.
It was the head of a mermaid that was made to look like it had been under water for a very long time.
She had her eyes closed and her mouth was open and it was very eerie.
I entered it in a Halloween Art competition downtown that was sponsored by  Midcoast Arts
and I won a prize!

I also made a 3 foot old mermaid and then her nose was accidentally broken off in a "cat versus space on the table top" incident and I still sold her for $80 and that was more that was 20 years ago.

Another time I made a life-size snowman shaped like a cat.
It had a tree branch going through it for arms and I made a papier-mâché bird to perch on it.
It was very detailed with a scarf and mittens and a big crafted carrot nose.
My friend had it displayed in her restaurant window for the Winter season.
Lots of people commented on it.

Yep, I feel like creating just very folk art stuff and selling that and different things I've collected and some signs that I will paint.
And illustrations. So that I can sell them as prints, cards and things.
I told that to my sister and
she thought it sounded like a good idea and it would be cool stuff for me to make.

So yeah, that's where my head is at,
for now.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016


Here's a funny thing I realized -
Someone asked me
"How's your dog doing?"
And I hesitated.
My dog?
I thought to myself.
What dog? Which dog? Oh wait! 
She meant how's BLUE doing!
I forgot that he's a dog! 
He'll be getting his staples out this Friday.
It's like it never happened.
He's 100 % again.

And I can never thank everyone enough
For all the emotional support,
The positive thoughts, 
The healing energy sent his way
And the financial help for his major emergency surgery.
My heart is full
And my eyes flood with tears
Because of the help sent out to me and my Blue.
You are the best!
I'm truly blessed.