Friday, November 21, 2014

A Moral to My Three Stories.

So I have been sick.
It totally wiped me out.
I still have a cough but feeling much better
I did miss a couple of days work and slept in until 7
I have a really hard time staying in bed, even when I feel horrible.
So I'd get up and stumble downstairs and let the dogs out and back in and then
collapsed in my big chair where I just dozed in and out all day.
I had no energy to do anything and I couldn't really get my thoughts together enough to form a sentence.
Finally the haze has lifted and I find myself really reflecting back on a couple of things that happened prior to my illness.

Halloween morning I was running a few minutes late on my way to work.
I hadn't planned on wearing a costume but the day before my co-workers had talked me into it. 
So because it was last minute I dressed as what most girls do when in a pinch.
I went as a black cat.
I wore ears and a tail and painted my eyes like a cat and drew whiskers on my face.
Doing this different make-up threw me off my normal routine of getting ready so I was hurrying to get out the door.
I jumped in my car and drove down my street, there wasn't hardly any traffic
but of course the light was red at the intersection.
I pulled up to the stoplight and waited for it to change.

There was a car to my left in the turn lane that was pulled up a few feet further than I was
and there was a car to my right also waiting on the signal.
At this particular stop there's a sign that reads "Obey your own signal" so no one turns on red there.

It was still very early, the sun was not completely up but it wasn't dark any longer either.
Just kinda of grey.
I sat at the light and reached over for my purse and double checked that I had my phone.
I did, so I set it back in the passenger seat .
Then the light turned green.
I stepped on the gas and out of the corner of my eye I saw something kinda flitter up to the left.
The car to the left had not turned although it was ahead of me and because of that flitter I stomped on my brake.
Suddenly there was a young girl, probably only about 12 or so, frozen in front of my car.
She must have realized my car was going forward and then for some reason just suddenly stopped in front of me. 
Her face was painted like a cat and the hood on her coat was down and I saw her black pointy ears.
She actually looked like I might have at her age. Her hair messy and her cheeks red from running.
She looked frightened and had that deer in the headlight look.
She stopped for that split second and then ran across the rest of the intersection.
There's a Middle School a few blocks further down, maybe she was late
although I thought it was too early for school to be starting.
I just Thank God that none of us in our cars had been in a huge hurry.
I drove to work so AWARE.
It was like someone had thrown ice water in my face.
In the matter of seconds and I could have killed her.
Her life could have been GONE.
Her family destroyed.
I don't know how I would have ever survived something like that.
Mere seconds and everything could have been so different. 
I couldn't help thinking there was something even bigger about all this that I needed to figure out.
That is was some sort of a sign, a lesson or maybe a moral. Something more than just  a reminder to drive very safely.

Then I started thinking about something else that I never shared here.
A couple of months ago I went in one of our exam rooms at work to say goodbye one of my boarders.
I had boarded this couple's two dogs, an old greyhound and a very old Whippet, for many many years.
Then the couple had adopted a younger whippet a year or two ago to kinda buffer the pain of the losses that they knew would soon come.
But last spring, their younger dog, the newest one, was diagnosed with some things that I won't go into here but eventually she was wasting away and they had to let her go.
They told me through tears that she was supposed to be their safety net. Their dog to help them through their grief
but instead they lost her first.
Now the greyhound who had been on almost a dozen different medications suddenly just couldn't go on.
He couldn't walk and he wouldn't eat and they had to let him go too.
They brought their ancient whippet along with so that he could realize what was going on.
They wanted him to realize that his friend had died so that he wouldn't be looking for him and wondering where he was.
We all sat on the floor and cried.
I said goodbye to the old greyhound and turned to pet the little whippet.
He had survived them all.
He looked at me hard. His gaze was intent and
I swear he was telling me with his eyes, "I'm still here!"

I suddenly thought of my grandfather.
He passed a few years back but I remember some 25 years ago rushing to the hospital when he had a heart attack.
Everyone was gathered around his hospital bed, so worried about him.
My grandmother didn't even know how to drive and was terrified of the possibility of a life without him.
My Dad talked about how my Grandfather needed to eat healthier from now on and
my Aunt was so shaken and shocked by the fact that she almost lost her Dad
and then...
One after the other, those three people have passed on and my grandfather lived many many more years.
He was retired but then got a part-time job, he dated several ladies and he even adopted himself a cat.
Yes, he's gone now too but who would have thought he'd be the last of them to go.

I'm boarding that little ancient whippet dog right now.
The couple has gone out and rescued two more whippets, both 9 years old.
So I actually boarding all three.
They all have fleecy winter coats that they wear outside in this bad weather
and today as I velcroed the old dog's belt around him, I looked at him at had that thought again.
He's 16...and I swear he has more spring in his step than ever. 

So what do these three tales have in common you might say?
Well. maybe it's just that you can't really plan anything.
That things will happen and not happen,
Life goes on.
Just because we are a certain age that may sometimes seem old to us,
it doesn't mean we might not have more years left than someone much younger.
Maybe the moral is that no matter what, what's going to happen it's going to happen.
Or not happen.
Maybe it's about fate, some cosmic plan or maybe it's God
Maybe it's just to say enjoy TODAY.

The other morning I was running a few minutes behind again and as I got to the bridge, the drawspan was open.
I had to turn around and drive to the other bridge, but I didn't hurry.
I just drove to work and didn't feel stressed
When I got to work, I was only a few minutes past the time I'm usually there, still earlier than almost everyone else.
I later told a co-worker that I think there was a reason for me being late by just a few minutes.
That maybe I missed something that I was suppose to miss.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

NO POST TODAY

I'm SICK 
and feeling -

futile


adjective
1.
incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful:
Attempting to write anything worthwhile by the sick blogger was futile.
2.
trifling; frivolous; unimportant.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN?!

I was so looking forward to this extra hour.
Daylight Savings Time, Wahoo!
How could I have forgotten that last year it took the dogs a few WEEKS to get into the time change groove.
At 4:30 AM this morning I could hear Blue pacing.
His nails clicking on the wood floor.
I felt, rather than saw him come to the side of the bed and stare at my face.
I couldn't open my eyes, if I did that, game over.
If he knew I was awake he'd gallop for the door and wake them all up.
So kept my eyes closed and tried to will both myself and him back to sleep 
but then he hit the door a couple of times with his paw.
Maybe he's got an upset tummy, I thought. 
Last night he vomited up his dinner but he seemed fine later..but maybe he was sick again.
Great Dane vomit. or worse yet, Great Dane poop would not be something I'd want to be cleaning up.
Especially at 4:30 in the morning.
So I sat up and everyone started barking in excitement.
Downstairs they ran and I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to bed.
Once I'm up, I'm up and besides it was actually 5:30 if not for the time change.
After everyone had pottied, they ran around the living room knocking down pillows and being rowdy.
I made some coffee and sat down to the computer.
A little bit later I look over and there they were....

Lazy bones!

I made some breakfast and answered early morning texts from other people who know I'd be up
and I cruised around on some new blogs.
The sun is coming in now and Charlie wants out on the porch that is crammed full of all the garden things that I dragged in from the yard.
That's my project for today.
To clear out the porch and to rearrange my furniture again.
I have so many plants that I've brought in from the cold and I need a place to put them until Spring.
When this chore is done I'm usually happy because my tiny space looks like a greenhouse
but placement is crucial so that the cats don't feast on them
or the dogs try to dig in the dirt.
Yep, that's how I'm spending this day.
And I have some wicked satisfaction of sweet revenge because Charlie keeps hitting the doorknob
in his effort to get out to the porch.

The sound of it is like someone trying to get inside
and it wakes the dogs!
Ha!

Thursday, October 30, 2014

PING PONG

I have a cabinet in the kitchen next to the windows.
The cats enjoy sitting up there and peering out into the yard.
There are birds to watch and the occasional chipmunk and bunny.
Once in a while the neighbors cat will appear in their window and they will have a stare down.
So I decided to put a basket on top of the cabinet with a little retro pillowcase inside.
Just something for them to sit in because cats like that sort of thing....

and apparently dogs do too.
Yesterday as I sat at the table "pinning" things on Pinterest on my laptop,
I looked over and there's Ping.
WTH?!
How did she get up there?
She was in the basket looking out the curtains.
I picked up my phone and said her name "PING"! and took this pic.
Yep, Ping once again, living up to her full name of Ping Pong.
She probably bounced up there.

Monday, October 27, 2014

HALLOWEEN PUMPKINS

A couple of weeks ago one of my co-workers brought in some pumpkins for whoever wanted them, from her garden.
I took a couple and then went to see what paint we had left over at the clinic.
Mostly it was just odd wall paint colors but I found some white and black and a green.
So I painted the pumpkins for some Halloween decoration for the clinic.

Then last Friday a woman came in and wanted to buy them.
I told her they had been out there for a few weeks and might be getting "soft" and I wasn't sure how much longer they might last.
Then she asked if I could paint one special for her, of her dog.
She was standing there with a nice looking Weimaraner and I could envision how easy it would be, so I agreed to do it.
Then she pulled out her phone and showed me the dog she wanted me to paint.
LOL!
I still said OK and that I would have it ready for her to pick up this Monday, today.
So here's her pumpkin -

She was happy, so I was happy.
I painted another pumpkin for our employee pumpkin carving/painting contest.
I'm no good at carving so of course I painted mine.
I thought I had my pumpkin secured in my vehicle but then I heard it rolling around and when I got to work, it was laying against the car door.
Yeah, kinda got dinged up! Oh well....
Here's my pumpkin - 
SUPERBLUE
(I suppose it's obvious that this one is mine! LOL!)

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

MY HOUSE

My home.
A port from life's daily storms.
Sometimes I will post tiny snippets of it
but I never share the whole thing.
Part of the reason is because I do want to keep it private but
mostly because it's far from being "done" and definitely doesn't measure up to the homes on my blog feed.
I'm slowly working on it but it's taking me forever.
It's due to lack of money and also time.
I work a physically demanding job and when I come home, I don't always feel like working on the house.
So it's taking me YEARS.
I know some people aren't concerned with such things 
but I'm obsessed with decor and design.
It's obviously not because I'm trying to impress people
because I basically don't let many people inside my home.
I know it's for myself, my own satisfaction and  the feeling of peace as I step inside the door to my private space.

Lately I feel like it's creating me stress.
Stress, because I've been a bit overwhelmed emotionally lately
(I'll share at a later date)
and it's been a struggle to just maintain order.
And also I'm having stress because I have a friend I recently reconnected with, after decades
and who wants to come to my home. 
I've said we should meet up for lunch but this friend is constantly requesting to meet Ghost
and Blue and....
asking how many pets I have 
and.....
I don't feel like it's mean spirited at all but it's freaking me out.
I've seen images of this person's home
and I'm thinking I could fit my house into the foyer of hers.
and...I don't want to be judged, critiqued or whatever.
I'm not saying she would necessarily judge me but we are now from two entirely different worlds.
This is my refuge, my safe place
and I don't need the pressure.
Some day I hope to have my house to a point that I won't be self conscious about every little thing
but it's not there yet.
I've tried to nicely convey my thoughts
and truly I don't understand why there is such a need to come here.
I've had been working hard on my home
but right now I just want to stop.
Relax and mess it up with art stuff.

It's nice that technology has enabled us to reconnect with people from our pasts
but hermits like me, are hermits for a reason.
That being said...
I love having people like my niece Lily over.
She comes over and flops down in my big chair and chats.
She opens my refrigerator and doesn't comment on the items inside but just grabs some cheese to munch on.
She eats the Halloween candy that's sitting on the shelf with my art supplies and
she looks at things I'm working on and gets excited.
She joins me on the patio and helps me scoop poop
and plays with my dogs.
She doesn't seem to notice that I still have sample paint colors painted on the wall in the kitchen
or that the bathroom still doesn't have the wallpaper done.
I've had other people who have come over and asked me to put my dogs outside
as they excitedly jump up. I've told them that my dogs are just happy to see them and will settle down in a minute
but I can feel my shoulders tense tight and I feel uncomfortably as their eyes scan around the room taking in the chaos.
I hear myself explaining how I'm doing laundry or working on a project or.....
The thing is, when you live in a teeny tiny house where when you walk in and you are instantly in the living room that turns into the kitchen that turns into the laundry room...
Well, yeah. It's all THERE
right in front of you.
Sigh....

So that's just a tiny bit of the stress that's been bugging me.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of defending why this or that isn't done.
I'm tired of saying I have no extra dollars.
I'm tired of having no energy.
I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me.
I'm tired of feeling like I must spend my time on projects on the home when I just want to work on my art/books.
and I'm REALLY tired of people asking how many pets I have and making jokes that I live in a zoo.
All my pets are very well cared for.
I make sure they have what they need even if it means I buy the special food for them and eat cereal for myself.
Besides, I love cereal.

It's easy for me to complain here but hard for me to convey that to the people who don't even realize how much their comments and requests stress me out.
So... I'm really thinking hard about how to deal with THIS
because I have some OTHER things going on that I have to figure out too.
My usual method is to pull out my big scissors and cut the ties, the strings that reach out to tie up my thoughts.

OK, I've got that off my chest!
and here's a photo I found over HERE.

Funny that I love white so much but this just jumped out and grabbed me.
It's how I truly want my home to be.
Warm, safe, comfortable and private....
and no concerns about keeping up with the Joneses, or whoever.