Saturday, July 26, 2014

ANONYMOUS comment, LYING and being INCREDIBLY SAD.

Anyone who monitors comments before publishing them probably has a lot of comments in their email from Anonymous.
It's kinda frightening how you can Google something and then you get some weird link in an email.
Not too long ago I Googled Tramadol. I actually just wanted to know that I was spelling it right.
(Tramadol is a pain medication used for dogs and I was sharing texts with someone and wanted to make sure of the spelling).
So, I've been getting strange anonymous comments on past posts in regards to Tramadol. I never click on them, I don't want a virus on my computer,
but sometimes the title of a particular post that I wrote, makes me want to go back and read it and see what I was writing about.
This morning the post that the comment linked to was:
http://oldblackcatboo.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-been-ugly-week.html
So I click on it and saw that it was from THREE years ago.
.............after reading it I thought, what the Hell is the matter with me?
Let me explain.
Thursday I was called into The Office.
Closed doors.
and told that apparently several people had said that I had looked at someone's paycheck and gone around the clinic and told everyone this person's wage.
I was in shock.
WTF? I mean Seriously.
Its always an effort for me to be "social" to some of these women and now this?
I did not do this thing, I was in shock and I quickly stated the I swore on Blue's life that it was not true.
ANYONE that knows me, knows that he is my most precious.
The fact that I could be fired over such a thing, made me sick.
and I do love my job.
I said to her that while I hadn't done this crime, I did know this person's wage because "Jane Doe" had come back to my work area for the specific reason to let me know that she had looked at the check on purpose and then said the wage.
So, without going into major detail, she was confronted again and AGAIN said she had heard it from ME.
Then apparently these OTHER people when asked again, said they had heard nothing from me but just from HER
and SHE had said I told her.
OK. Now I'm going to sound mean but I don't care.
This "Jane Doe" is a loud selfish little troll of a person that has no friends.
Everyone just puts up with her.
She is always repeating stories and embellishing them, inserting herself into them and making herself the hero.
Everything is always about HER.
When my one friend, a co-worker lost her little old dog and was so upset, she interrupted to say she knew exactly how she felt
because when HER dog had been sick and blah, blah blah.
Yeah, her dog had been sick and THEN got well and my friend's dog had DIED.
This same "Jane Doe" had also yelled across the clinic a very offense remark to my niece that was not true.
Supposedly she was talked to about that but there was never any apparent action taken and no apology.
So, because I am incredibly STUPID, I still talked to her and was kind to her.
Maybe it's because I always feel sorry for the Underdog?  or that I just try to consider the source and move past it.
But now I've had my integrity questioned and one thing I am NOT, is a liar.
I even stated such. In fact there have been times in my life where I got myself into trouble because I wouldn't lie.
So I was then asked if I was willing to do a meeting with "Jane Doe",  this woman, who I been a friend to
and the Doctor would moderate us.
I said "Gladly!".
The next day we meet and before we had begun "Jane Doe" said she wanted to first apologize to me
and then turned to tell the Doctor she was sorry she had lied to her.
We were kinda stunned that she finally admitted to it.
The Doctor was surprised as she had anticipated an ugly argument.
But I said that I was very hurt and that she had lost my trust.
To make a long story short, she was talking and laughing later in the afternoon.
and me?
I'm sorry but I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting.
I don't believe that I need to "forgive" for my own piece of mind and let it go.
This is a woman who loved on my Blue and who said if anything ever happened to me,
she would fix up her spare room for him to live in and now THIS?
She could have gotten me fired for her lie.
I have put up with a lot at this job, people who think I have it SO easy.
Yeah, I'd like to see them do my job day in and day out in all kinds of weather, dealing with dog poop stomped all over the kennel bars on the door and over the walls in the mornings and sometimes aggressive dogs and dogs who have so some many special needs.
I do this job week after week. Year after year and
These people grumble about the occasional dirty cage they must clean!
I have a lot of clients tell me that they only come and leave their pets because of me.
That if I wasn't there, they would find someone else.....and it's because I do TRULY love their animals.
I worry that if they go somewhere else, they won't be cared for properly.
and Of course I do have some wonderful days.
Days when I'm so happy being outside and caring for favored boarders.
To me, that's a balance but to others that's all they see and think it's easy.

This has hit me HARD.
It's weakened my spirit and made me question everything.
My life, my job, my future, where I live, everything.
And yet life goes on and that Troll walks around laughing her loud offensive laugh.
I can't leave this job
I have too much debt and I need the back-up of vet care for all my pets.
And... I have put so much time and energy into this.
I've gone from the old kennel at the old location where I dragged hoses up a hill
and had water buckets that would freeze and I was working in my winter coat.
Now at this new building, the work set up is so much better.
And I could be SO happy if I was just left alone.

On top of this, I turned 57 last week.
FIFTY-SEVEN. A friend of mine exclaimed that it's almost 60!
She kept saying that she couldn't believe I was so old and
told me I should be thankful that I didn't look it....
(I have some great friends don't I! )
and I don't feel like what I think 57 would be
but my life is certainly not as I had thought it would be at this point.
I didn't think I would be picking up dog poop with a knife in my back.
Yeah...lots to think about and figure out.
Sadly, nothing that could be done immediately.
I feel like a prisoner  digging a tunnel out with a spoon....
And several of my pets are very old.
Rosie is in sad shape...she's 15 and I don't want to think about that,
much less talk about it.
I guess maybe when most of them are gone
and I don't have to worry about caring financially for so many....
God, isn't that nice? That I have to think about them DYING to be free of this crap.
I'm so sad.
I could be happy doing what I do and doing things I love when I get home but,
to think that there was the possibility of people just thinking this about me and not being able to defend myself.
To lose my livelihood or have the Doctors just believe her and question my character and look down on me.
And then...I read the post that Anonymous left a comment on
from 3 years ago and remember that I was dealing with such mean hatefulness back then.
Truly, what the Hell is wrong with me?
I need to stop being complacent and figure this out.
But I'm NOT forgiving.
I'm not a Pollyanna or a Liar.
and to say I Forgive her would be a Lie.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Two VERY short videos of my ROADTRIP!

So I guess I took a blog break.
I didn't plan it, it just kinda happened.
I even have a lot to write about.
And lots of stuff not to write about.
By that I mean I went back to some of my old posts and read some
and I'm a broken record.
Yep, don't want to write the exact same thing I did last year
and the year before that and
Jeez. 
That's given me some pause.
Anyway...I had a birthday while I was gone.
Not really thrilled with getting older
but it's better than the alternative.
So, I can write about my thoughts on that...
but not today.
I also took a couple of days vacation...broken record again.
and then there's a dilemma of a dog needing a home, actually it's a pair of them
and I found a home for one but not the other.
I thought I had one but it fell through...
Another long sad story that I won't go into either.
Odd though, how it's breaking my heart
and the people that owned them just walked away.
Sigh.
But HEY! I went on a roadtrip!
Yep! the hermit climbed into a huge pick-up truck,
the kind you grab this handle thing and yank yourself into the air to get into
and rode along with a friend to Minnesota.
Illinois to Minnesota and back in a day.
To get a goat
or should I say a "kid".


My friend lives way out in the country and she recently adopted a baby billy goat
that had a broken leg (which she has been taking him to the vet for and he's almost 100% now)
and while acquiring this billy, a little white girl "doe" goat followed her husband around
and she came home with them too.
So apparently goats are like cats.
Once you get one, you need another
and another...
So now my friend owns 3 goats!

Monday, July 7, 2014

RED, WHITE and BOOM and a very short video of the FLOOD.

For the last 10 years there has been a Fourth of July celebration called
"Red, White and Boom".
They set off fireworks from a barge on the Mississippi so that both sides of the Quad Cities can enjoy it.
I live on the Illinois side but I work on the Iowa side of the river in Davenport, Iowa.
Due to the flooding they decided to set the fireworks off of the Centennial Bridge
but were unable to get permission from the D.O.T.
So it was cancelled. 
There were still many celebrations around the various towns,
to say nothing off all the illegal fireworks going off in the neighborhoods.
I stayed home with my stressed out dogs but I saw a few from my living room window.
I wanted to share this video that I came across of Davenport.
it's only 2 minutes and it focuses on downtown and the ballpark.
Under some of that water is the road that I usually drive on to get to work.
Yep, I've had to find a new route for the time being.
The last I've heard was that the river was 20 feet over flood stage.
But luckily it's been going down about a foot a day.
So here's the video, to give you a little idea of what it looks like where I live:


Quad Cities aerial flood footage from MotionSix Creative on Vimeo.

Friday, July 4, 2014

I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORD ...

aaaaaaah, I'm at a loss,
can't find the proper word.
A friend sent me an email the day after Ruby's passing while I was at work and asked me how I was doing  
and I answered back "FINE.... considering".
ok, THAT is not the right word, FINE... but,
I find grief is hard for other people to be around
so saying you are Fine is a good word.
I also told her that I just wishing I was at home
because it was exhausting to PRETEND to be OK.

She wrote back that she was sure that the people at work didn't expect me to pretend.
That they understood and were sympathetic.
I responded back to her that Yes, they were. 
That they all had been very kind and caring.
Very supportive. 
Very nice.
then I said...I guess that PRETEND wasn't the right word to use.
I couldn't find the right word to describe what I meant.
I wrote to her that I was searching for a word that meant
"Refraining from whimpering out-loud, non-stop".
Yeah, no reply to that email.
I told you, grief can be uncomfortable for other people.
So yeah, I'm fine.
And, in case you missed my thank you that I left on my prior post, 
TRULY...all the kind and compassionate comments/ condolences meant the world to me.
You are all the best.
XOXOXO

Saturday, June 28, 2014

I FOUGHT THE LAWN AND THE LAWN WON.


Summer is of course a very busy time at my job.
My Boarding Area is packed but that's good.
Busy + Waiting List = Job Security. 





But it does leave me exhausted and no energy to get stuff at home done.
I've shared photos before of my yard and right afterward I got a lot of it mowed down
but I didn't tackle the area of the hill.
Too Hot + Too Tired = No doing it.
And then it's rained several times.
A couple of days ago I walked down to the top of the hill again.
I just stood there looking at it.
I'm not even upset.
OK yeah, I WAS, but no, not any longer.
Nope, I'm NOT going to let it drive me crazy.
But..these weeds are TALL..
I mean like 4 feet.
This one is even taller than that.

So...I'm done.
My niece Lily is coming over tomorrow and we are going to clear just the top part.
Then we are putting up a fence.
Yeah, that's my usual M.O.
If I can't deal with something, then block it out and try to forget it.
I do have BIG plans for the top area now though.

PLAN C -
I'm fencing it in and lining it with flowers and making it into a big outside room.
Painted picnic table, birdbaths, fairy garden, fire-pit area...yep, things like that.
PLAN D -
Or buying a big discounted pool and surrounding it with pea gravel.
PLAN F -
Or maybe a horse trough/stock tank for a MODERN effect.

Maybe not.
But...I DONE with that damn hill.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

SUMMER IS HERE.

and it's HOT.
but I am NOT complaining.
I said if it would only warm up, I'd be happy.
So...
I've got the fans going and I made some new screens for my front storm door.
A very nice girl at the hardware store told me how.
I'm usually ignored at those stores or else talked to condescendingly. 
It was so very nice to talk to a helpful sweet person.
That motivated me, so she helped me pick out a screen door for the back of the house too,
and the hardware to go with it.
What I really liked about her was that she said to me - "You can do it!".
Yep, really nice to be treated with cheerful optimism instead of bored dismissal.
So today I will cutting down the screen door and sanding the edges and painting it.
This coming week is suppose to be more bearable, only in the low 80's.
I really hate to stick the window air-conditioners in if I don't have to.
But on THAT note, my gang was been getting their summer grooms.
Ping-

Vera- 

Louie-

I always take my Poodles in to be done because I want them to be pretty.
Sadly I do the rest of my little ones myself and it ends up looking like a real hack-job
so therefore, no photos!

I even got Nora shaved down.

She doesn't appear to be too happy about it
and she's terrified to be up on the chair where I put her for this photo.
I'm thinking her previous owners must have not allowed her on the furniture
because she was very afraid sitting there.

None of my other pets have that problem.

Then I gave Blue a good bath. 
I use that bluing shampoo to keep his coat snowy white
and I finish up with a creme rinse that I massage in and it makes his hair drop out in hand fulls.
Then I gave him several good rinses and towel dried him and then blew him out with the high-power blowdryer.
He doesn't mind the dryer like a lot of dogs but I suppose that's because he can't hear it.
I bet it feels good too, all that air blasting his hair free.

He feels SO SOFT!

So, everyone is done except Ruby.
I washed her face the other day and she went into a huge seizure fit thing again.
Her eys bugged out and her mouth and tongue went grey and she was drooling.
I really thought that was it. I thought she was passing as I held her in a towel.
She couldn't walk afterwards, so I just laid in her bed with her paws curled in.
Of course this happened just before bedtime and I sat with her until I couldn't stay awake
and then finally went to bed myself realizing she could be gone in the morning
or if she couldn't walk, well... I would probably have to have Doc release her from her little body.
But in the morning, she was trotting around the room like nobody's business.
Yeah, I might not shave her down
or if I do, just do a little at a time.
Maybe later today I will shave my long haired cats Harry and Charlie.
That's always fun.