I thought I had pulled myself out but... truth be told, no.
It's not because of Squeak, although his passing didn't help.
I need a change.
Or maybe just some sleep.
Or maybe just a new approach to life.
I seem to remember an episode of Seinfeld where George, whose life was always a major fail, decided to do the opposite of his natural instincts and suddenly everything started working for him.
Although I can't remember how it ultimately turned out for him, something must have gone wrong as he was back to his never-do-well life by the next episode.
Yesterday when I got home from work it started to storm.
Really high winds, over 50 miles an hour and then hail.
The weather people on TV were intense.
They had their jackets off and their sleeves rolled up and they were showing diagrams on where to seek shelter in your home.
Last year we had a tornado in our region, something rather rare here
and they told us to seek a safe place.
At that time, I went to the basement door and walked down a couple of steps and sat there, holding 2 of my little dogs, Poppy and Ping.
I had motioned Blue to the doorway, I knew he'd never go down the steps, so he sat there along with Nora and Jimmy. I called to the others, I called to my cats...but mostly I called my cats Harry and Ghost.
Strange how I made my Sophie's Choice....
I remember that I had thought if I heard a "train" noise as they predict, I would just set the two little ones down on the icky basement floor and tug Blue as far down the stairs as I could.
I would think if I did that, some of the others would follow him down too.
But last night, curled up in my big chair covered in critters,
I watched the Tornado Warnings and thought about my Dad.
When there would be storms, he liked to open the garage door and sit in his lawn chair and watch.
He never ever was concerned. He never told us to go downstairs.
Of course, the downstairs in my childhood home was nicer than the whole of my home is now.
And MY current downstairs is dark, damp with cinder block walls and it's filled with stuff.
Stuff being old furniture, cat carriers, Rubbermaid containers full of more stuff.
I really didn't want to go down there.
So I pulled up my ottoman and stretched out my legs and more little ones crawled on top of me.
Blue was laying on the sofa
and Nora was pacing.
Nora was the only one that seemed concerned so I called for her to lay down next to the chair.
I figured we'd just wait and see.
I was so tired that I started to drift off to sleep.
I remember thinking just before I drifted off that I hoped the hail didn't dent my car
and that if nothing happened to us, that I needed to pitched the stuff in the basement
and repaint the walls, maybe put down a piece of sheet vinyl flooring...
So, I woke up and the threat had passed.
Apparently 5 tornadoes had touched down in several areas.
Down on the far end of my street, a tree had come down and brought down power lines and people were trapped inside a restaurant.
I was lucky that we still had power in my section of town.
I got up and threw a load of laundry into the washer.
I let the dogs out to potty and the night sky seemed eerie.
They hurried back in and we all went to bed.
I got up this morning and went to work and I cried.
Nothing big really happened or anything but I just cried.
I don't think I'm alone though.
Many people that I work with feel the same way.
And there's other people I know, outside of work, that feel like crying too.
About different things
Maybe it's just the time of year.
Maybe it's that I get home and only have a couple of hours
to clean the house, sort through and get rid of the clutter,
do the laundry, feed the dogs, groom the dogs,
read the blogs and the books I want to read and
oh, create Art
and I need to get to bed and get some sleep.
Seems like I never have time to do what I want or the energy.
Maybe it's just that I feel overwhelmed.
Do you feel like that too?
Is it the weather? The time of year?
The horrible things in the News and on social media?
See, I told you I was in a funk.