Saturday, March 12, 2016


I hope people don't dread coming to my blog and reading sad stuff.
But I can't NOT tell you this and
I REALLY REALLY hope this is the last post of this type, for at least this year.
With a very heavy heart I had to let Squeak go to Heaven this morning.

When I wrote of Rosie's passing on January 28, I kinda hinted at how thin Squeak had gotten.
If you remember when I got him, he was rather roly poly.
I first wrote about Squeak in my "deja vu/longest post ever" post on 8/2.

At first the weight loss was a good thing.

I was measuring out his special urinary diet food and he was playful and would follow me everywhere, even up and down the stairs.
But as time went on he started to sleep more.
He no longer wanted to tackle the steps and was content to sleep with Rosie in the kitchen.
The food was helping with his stones and his urine was no longer pink/red.
He turned 14 but little dogs can live so much longer than that.
In fact several of my little dogs are between the ages of 12 to 14.

Then I noticed his one eye starting to cloud up a little,
like my little Claude's did when he started to lose his eyesight.
Then his appetite dropped off.
So I bought his special food in canned form and that worked for a while.
Sometimes he wanted dry and sometimes canned.
Sometimes he wanted a little warm water on it.
Sometimes he wanted it microwaved.
Sometimes he didn't want that either.
Then a few days ago he wouldn't eat it at all, so I fed him REGULAR canned, not the special stuff.
Doc said that was better than not eating at all.
I told Doc about how Squeak slept 23 1/2 hours a day

and Doc said he wished he could get that much sleep.

Last weekend I noticed that hair was stuck in his lower teeth.
I pulled out globby clumps of icky hair.
I wasn't sure where the hair came from. My floors aren't hairy.
I pulled out the sofa and all the furniture and vacuumed.
Maybe he got underneath the sofa and ate a dust bunny hairball.
The next day, more hair was in his teeth!
That's when I noticed that he no longer had  hair on top of his feet!
He was pulling out his own hair!

I debated as what to do next. Was it his time?
I don't care how many pets a person has to help pass over to the next world,
it's never easy to know exactly when... well, most times anyway.

Last night I came home and he was laying in his bed and had peed on himself.
I gave him a bath and dried him and then he just walked in big circles.
He walked to the water bowl but then turned away.
He refused food and just kept circling.
I had some puppy food for him, I was sure he'd like that, but No.
He refused that too.
Finally he wobbled into the laundry room and went to sleep on one of the doggie beds.

This morning at 3:30 or so he started making a noise.
Not a bark, not his usual squeak but more of a soft little cry. Just laying there crying in a slow rhythm.
I had to work today, so I just got up and got ready for work.
The clinic was closed but I knew Doc would be in to check on a blocked cat that he had kept for the weekend to monitor.
I swaddled Squeak up in a baby blanket that I had and laid him on my puffy coat in the passenger seat of my car.
He just laid there staring at me.
I drove with one hand on the steering wheel and one with my finger on his temple, making little circles. He closed his eyes.
I stopped at a stop sign and removed my finger.
He opened his eyes and I quickly continued.
I fought back the tears and told him it wouldn't be much longer.

When I got to work I laid him in a kennel with a big blanket and went to work in the boarding area.
Eventually Doc arrived.
I had written a list of everything going on with Squeak.
I read it off to Doc and he commented on how thin Squeak was and Doc shook his head over the fact that Squeak had pulled the hair off his feet.
He looked down at Squeak's frail body and agreed it was time.
As he got the injection ready,  I mumbled something about this being my 3rd pet that I lost this year
and he said that was because my "friends" were all getting old.

So... Doc released Squeak from his tired old body.
Doc is cremating him for me as he has for my other pets.
I plan to scatter his ashes, along with Rosie's in a special section of my garden
when the flowers start to bloom.

I'm going to miss that little guy, wobbling around after me.
I didn't even have him a year but I feel blessed to have had him for at least that short time.
Maybe it's wrong of me but I hope and I pray that Squeak's previous owners are paid back by KARMA in a big way.


Jan said...

So sorry you had to go through this again, Cindi. Poor little fella, he was lucky to come to you, his angel. We've been there before and we will be there again, it is never any easier but somehow is always worth it. Take care of yourself.♥

sassypackrat said...

Crying as I read this. Hugs girl.

Cindi Myers said...

Sorry to bring back sad memories.
I know how hard losing Binks was for you.
Hugs back to you.

Hartwood Roses said...

Sending a pet to Heaven is always hard and sad. My heart breaks for you.

Godspeed, Squeak.

Janneke said...

It is so terrible , Snarf only died a fortnight ago and now you lost your little one. Poeh, you does such good work for animals but due to it you have so many more losses, that's not easy.
Hugs, Janneke

tammy j said...

writing through tears streaming.
for tiny squeak. for you.
I just spent time looking at every instagram picture of yours
leslie had mentioned it in her post. I told her it was like medicine.
it should be seen every day. all those little beings of love.
squeak's pictures there.
oh squeak.
little beloved face.
what you do for them my darling friend... what you do.
as vicki said. you're one of the angels on this earth.
and we all LOVE YOU.

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you for your kind words.
You are so right, about being here before and how we will be there again.
I knew when I took Squeak into my family that this day would come and that it wouldn't be that far away.
I just hope that I didn't wait too long. I always worry about making someone suffer needlessly.
Thanks again.

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you!!!!

Cindi Myers said...

Yes, you are right of course.
With more pets, there will be more losses.

I've been thinking about you and the loss of Snarf.
My heart hurts for your loss, He was so so special.
Dogs like Snarf make everyday worthwhile.
Take care of yourself, I know how deep that grief is.

Cindi Myers said...

I was surprised to see my Instagram included on Leslie's list.
That was so kind of her.
I don't think I'm an angel, I have friends that live similar lives...
well, maybe not as many pets but still, they are doing the same.

I saw that a home in my dad's neighborhood was for sale and I instantly thought of the dog that had lived there and how I would go down and play with him when I was just a kid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, dogs have always been who I am.
Whether they are mine or not.
Thank you for sweet words and all your love.

CheerfulMonk said...

I'm sorry. It's so hard to:( know when to let them go. :(

Thank you for letting us know.

At Rivercrest Cottage said...

Oh Cindy, hoping you are aware of what a special person you are. When a person chooses to adopt the older "friends" that populate our world, loss and grief are sure to accompany the joy they bring to your life. Your older guys are lucky to have such a soft place to land on their way out of this world.

Cindi Myers said...

Yes, I just hope I didn't wait too long.
But at least he's not suffering any longer.

Thank you!

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you for saying that. That's very sweet of you but truly, I know others who would do the same, if they were able to.
You are right, I knew our time together wouldn't be long.
I was ready for it, I mean as much as a person can be but I still turn around and expect him to be toddling along behind me and my whole feeding routine of the dogs has changed. It's odd how a person falls into a pattern so quickly.
and thank you too for saying that he had a soft place on his way.

Debby said...

Don't worry about your blog being sad. I know you would never want to lose 3 sweet friends, sometimes there is no other way. I'm thankful for you! It takes a very special person to give your heart away over and over.

You did the right thing and the kindest act you could do.

My heart goes out to you.

Anonymous said...


I am so sorry about little Squeak. Even though his life was too short, you can take comfort in the fact that you made his last few months good ones for him.

I have 2 elderly dogs. One is 14 and the other will be 17 next month. The seventeen year-old has thick cataracts in both eyes and can barely see. She's also hard of hearing and gets confused very easily. Because of that, she will sometimes just collapse on the floor as if she doesn't have the strength or confidence to move. So, I often have to pick her up in my arms and carry her from place to place. She weighs about 30 pounds -- so, it's not a lot but I can tell that it bothers her that I have to carry her around like a baby. She had a vet appointment last week and I was overjoyed to hear the vet say that my dog's blood work and other tests showed she is in excellent shape.

We never know how long we'll have them. That's why I think it's so important to lavish as much time and attention as we can on them. They totally deserve it and they make our lives so much nicer. It sounds to me like you did everything you could for Squeak. He was luck you were there to rescue him when you did.


Doreen@foxdenrd said...

So sorry I almost missed this Cindi. My heart is heavy to learn of yet another fur baby's passing. It's so, so hard. You are an angel to these babies, and you blessed them with such love and care. They are watching over you, of that I'm certain.


Cindi Myers said...

Thank you so much for your sweet kind words.

Cindi Myers said...

You obviously know what it's like to care for senior little ones.
It does make it a tiny bit easier when they are smaller and we are able to lift them and help them along.
I worry about that sometimes with Blue, but I won't think about that right now.
Thank you for your words. I do take comfort in the fact that Squeak knew he was loved.

Cindi Myers said...

Oh Doreen!
Your comment has me crying again.
Thank you for those words!

leslie said...

clearly, i'm behind on my blog reading.

poor dear squeak (he was so very lucky to have found you). poor dear cindi. sending love.

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you Leslie.