Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Heaven has another Angel Dog.


I had to let my perfect little dog Vera Wag go to Heaven this afternoon.
I was lucky to have her for the last 8 years of her life.
She turned 13 this year.
I thought I would have had longer with her
but she didn't want to eat and worse than that, she was giving me this "look".
My friend/co-worker Katie, the one who went back and took care of Blue after his surgery,
talked with me about Vera and how she was feeling.
She came back to boarding this morning and I was holding Vera and I was saying how Vera was giving me this pleading look.
I turned to her and found her crying and Katie said that maybe I needed to tell Vera it was OK to "go".
So I told Vera that it was OK, that she could go to Heaven and she just stared at me with big frightened eyes.

We had our monthly staff meeting today over the lunch hour and afterwards Lily came back to see Vera.
She walked into the run and knelt down next to her bed and just started crying.
"Why are you crying?!" I asked as I cried too.
Lily said that she could tell that Vera was ready.
That she wanted to go.
I told Lily I wasn't sure if I was ready for her to go yet and Lily got up and told me to call her if I needed her.
(She had the day off and left.)

Katie had left early for the day and I texted her and told her about Lily.
She answered back that she thought that Vera was trying to tell me something.
She thought Vera's eyes were trying to send me a message.
That she was ready.
As I was texting Katie, telling her that I needed to call Lily, Katie walked in the door.
She had come back to work to help me and Vera.

I called Lily and she came back too, in just mere minutes.

I'm so thankful to these two wonderful girls who helped me accept that it was time to end Vera's suffering.
As I held Vera, Katie commented how she could feel the bones in her back and there was nothing to her legs, just skin and bones and
Just the huge tumor that bloated her belly.
Vera's little face stared up at me and Katie said
"Can you see it? The way she's trying to tell you that she's ready?"
Through my tears I said Yes.
The three of us went outside and sat in the grass with Vera.
Katie gave her an injection to relax her
and then she went and got the vet, not Doc but the newer woman vet who helped me with Stretch.
She came outside and knelt down in the grass with us and released Vera from her tired and swollen body so that she could go to Heaven.
I thanked her and she told me she was so sorry and went back inside.

Then Lily commented that now Vera would be with Raini,
my little cat that passed at the beginning of the year.
Vera loved that cat.
Lily said "Now Raini can give Vera massages in Heaven".
(Raini loved to knead on the dogs, especially Vera.)
That made me cry even harder but then...the thought of them together started to bring me some peace.
I thanked Lily for that, and for being there
and I thanked Katie for returning and helping me.

I held Vera for a few moments more, but she was gone.
I handed her to Lily and she said she'd take care of her and I left to go home.
I cried as I drove, I know it was for the best but...
life is so damn unfair sometimes. 

26 comments:

CheerfulMonk said...

That's so hard to do. I'm glad you had the courage to do it, and that you had support.

Lesley UK said...

There are no words to make things better, but I am just so, so sorry about your Little One. You will see her again. Of that I'm sure. Blessings sweet friend.

Summer said...

Oh no... I am so sorry ♥

Connie in Hartwood said...

What you did for Vera was the ultimate act of love, Cindi, dear. It is kindness at its highest level.

Fly free, Vera.

tammy j said...

oh cindi.
there are just no words of comfort. only my heartfelt tears now for your own tears.
sending love to you.
so much love dearest girl. ♥

Laura C said...

I'm so, so sorry! I know how much it hurts to lose one of your fur-babies!!! Please know many hugs are sent your way.

Cindi Myers said...

Jean,
Yes. So hard and just not fair.
She was such a sweet dog and should have had several more years.
:(
But I'm very fortunate to have wonderful people in my life to help both me and Vera.
Xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Thank so much Lesley,
I hope that some day that I get to see all my critters who have gone on.
That would surely be Heaven.
Xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Summer,
Thank you!
Xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you Connie,
I know now that it was for the best but it's just so hard.
I'm glad I had the girls support.
Yes, Vera is flying free!
Xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Tammy,
Thank you so much.
It happened so much quicker than I thought it would.
I hate to think she might have been hurting and I didn't know.
I'm trying to focus on the fact that she's not hurting anymore but I'm missing her sweet little face.
:(
Thank you.
Xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Laura,
Thank you so much.
It does really hurt my heart.
Thank you for the hugs and kind words.
Xoxo

Doreen@foxdenrd said...

I don't know what to say. I never do at times like these. It's just so freakin hard to let them go!

I'm so very sorry :(.

Cindi Myers said...

Doreen,
Just the fact that you left a comment and such kind words, is a comfort.
No other words needed.
Xoxo

Anne Specht said...

Cindi,
You are in my thoughts and tears. God bless Vera .Dog heaven has another much loved companion.
Anne

Cindi Myers said...

Anne,
Thank you so much.
I know you've been there and understand.
Xoxo

Vicki said...

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you
xoxo

At Rivercrest Cottage said...

when I saw your title I had a hard time clicking on it. It just seems we keep losing our pets in this past few months and it's so hard to take. In thinking about it, I guess that's natural when we have our animals for so long. The older they get, the more the chance that we will be losing them. Bless you for all the love and care you give to your menagerie of love bugs.

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

Your post has truly struck that cord in my heart and I have tears falling as I read this because I know the sadness you're feeling, and the pleading and prayers in your heart for your beautiful girl to stay a little longer. I truly am sorry, and so hope you continue to find peace and comfort in both your memories of Vera and in knowing that she and Raini are together again playing their games and causing lots of mischief at the Rainbow Bridge where you will see them (and so many others) again one day!! Again, I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Dear Cindi,

I am so sorry about your little Vera! I've been reading your blog now for couple years and I don't think that I ever commented, but reading about little Vera, and feeling your pain, I wanted to tell you that I think of you and send you positive thoughts so you find peace in your heart. You are such a beautiful soul Cindi!
Lots of hugs,

Ildiko

Cindi Myers said...

Sharon,
I'm sorry to remind you again of your sad losses. It's been a rough year for us both. Thank you for your kind words.
xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Kim,
Thank you so much for this comment as I know that you have gone through several heart wrenching losses yourself this year. You truly understand.
Thanks again, xoxo

Cindi Myers said...

IIdiko,
Thank you so so much for commenting and for your kind words!
xoxo

Debby said...

I'm so very sorry you lost your girl. You were both blessed to have each other for as long as you did. She was a perfect gift and you loved her, what more can you ask for.

My heart grieves with you as I lost my soul cat two weeks ago. I say cat because he was never a kitty. I was blessed with his love and knowledge for 17 and a half years. He was very dignified, wise and kind. A true warrior.

Yes, I understand your pain and loss.
Warm Hugs,
Debby

Cindi Myers said...

Oh Debby,
I am so so sorry about your loss.
I know what you mean about a soul cat.
My Boo was my soul cat and now my Harry, who's 17, is another.
I can't imagine life without that cat.
But... he's not really a cat but rather a person trapped in the body of a cat.
Again, I'm so very sorry.
My deepest sympathies.
XOXOXOXOXO