IT'S GETTING COLD OUTSIDE.

It rained on and off yesterday.

Not hard rain, just drizzles and spurts.

There was a cool wind that started to turn cold.

I worked a double, but it was OK,
not a lot of boarders so I got to spend more one on one time with the dogs

and a big sweet black diabetic cat.

Just a slow day.

Sometimes a person needs that.

A day to take it slow and catch your breath.

I couldn't leave early because of the diabetic cat. His insulin needed to be spaced out.

So when I left work, it was dark and windy.

There was a light rain.
Leaves were swirling a bit but then as it rained more, they would stick to the pavement and make it slick.

I'm glad there wasn't much traffic because I really had to concentrate on the black wet road.

It did seem magical, driving through the night and over the government bridge.

The clanging of metal against metal as I crossed it. The rhythm of it, like a song.

Rolling towards home.

I've been unhappy with my hometown but last night I had glimpses of what I used to like about it.

I liked the song on my radio and I felt peaceful as my vehicle came down road from the bridge into my city.

To the left of me is the renovated building that used to be the Illinois Electric Company.
Now it's pretty, and made into upscale apartments.

Ahead of me I  could see the cars at the stoplight. I'm always cautious at that stoplight because I've seen semi trucks take wide turns into the side lanes before.

Right on clue a huge semi rounded the corner and swung way into the lane.

It barely missed the cars at the light and I think that was because they quickly steered to the right.

The truck driver must have seen how close he came to clipping them because as if in slow motion, I could see him turn hard out of the wide curve he had made.
But that caused him to slide for a moment on the wet pavement towards me.
The side of the truck cab and the huge double tires were right there, in my peripheral vision.

It was just a moment.

A quick instant and he was past me.

I let out my breathe, I hadn't really realized I had been holding it.
Really, my only thought was - I hope this doesn't hurt.

A Moral to My Three Stories.

So I have been sick.

It totally wiped me out.

I still have a cough but feeling much better

I did miss a couple of days work and slept in until 7

I have a really hard time staying in bed, even when I feel horrible.

So I'd get up and stumble downstairs and let the dogs out and back in and then

collapsed in my big chair where I just dozed in and out all day.

I had no energy to do anything and I couldn't really get my thoughts together enough to form a sentence.

Finally the haze has lifted and I find myself really reflecting back on a couple of things that happened prior to my illness.

Halloween morning I was running a few minutes late on my way to work.

I hadn't planned on wearing a costume but the day before my co-workers had talked me into it. 

So because it was last minute I dressed as what most girls do when in a pinch.

I went as a black cat.

I wore ears and a tail and painted my eyes like a cat and drew whiskers on my face.

Doing this different make-up threw me off my normal routine of getting ready so I was hurrying to get out the door.

I jumped in my car and drove down my street, there wasn't hardly any traffic

but of course the light was red at the intersection.

I pulled up to the stoplight and waited for it to change.

There was a car to my left in the turn lane that was pulled up a few feet further than I was

and there was a car to my right also waiting on the signal.

At this particular stop there's a sign that reads "Obey your own signal" so no one turns on red there.

It was still very early, the sun was not completely up but it wasn't dark any longer either.

Just kinda of grey.

I sat at the light and reached over for my purse and double checked that I had my phone.

I did, so I set it back in the passenger seat .

Then the light turned green.

I stepped on the gas and out of the corner of my eye I saw something kinda flitter up to the left.

The car to the left had not turned although it was ahead of me and because of that flitter I stomped on my brake.

Suddenly there was a young girl, probably only about 12 or so, frozen in front of my car.

She must have realized my car was going forward and then for some reason just suddenly stopped in front of me. 

Her face was painted like a cat and the hood on her coat was down and I saw her black pointy ears.

She actually looked like I might have at her age. Her hair messy and her cheeks red from running.

She looked frightened and had that deer in the headlight look.

She stopped for that split second and then ran across the rest of the intersection.

There's a Middle School a few blocks further down, maybe she was late

although I thought it was too early for school to be starting.

I just Thank God that none of us in our cars had been in a huge hurry.

I drove to work so AWARE.

It was like someone had thrown ice water in my face.

In the matter of seconds and I could have killed her.

Her life could have been GONE.

Her family destroyed.

I don't know how I would have ever survived something like that.

Mere seconds and everything could have been so different. 

I couldn't help thinking there was something even bigger about all this that I needed to figure out.

That is was some sort of a sign, a lesson or maybe a moral. Something more than just  a reminder to drive very safely.

Then I started thinking about something else that I never shared here.

A couple of months ago I went in one of our exam rooms at work to say goodbye one of my boarders.

I had boarded this couple's two dogs, an old greyhound and a very old Whippet, for many many years.

Then the couple had adopted a younger whippet a year or two ago to kinda buffer the pain of the losses that they knew would soon come.

But last spring, their younger dog, the newest one, was diagnosed with some things that I won't go into here but eventually she was wasting away and they had to let her go.

They told me through tears that she was supposed to be their safety net. Their dog to help them through their grief

but instead they lost her first.

Now the greyhound who had been on almost a dozen different medications suddenly just couldn't go on.

He couldn't walk and he wouldn't eat and they had to let him go too.

They brought their ancient whippet along with so that he could realize what was going on.

They wanted him to realize that his friend had died so that he wouldn't be looking for him and wondering where he was.

We all sat on the floor and cried.

I said goodbye to the old greyhound and turned to pet the little whippet.

He had survived them all.

He looked at me hard. His gaze was intent and

I swear he was telling me with his eyes, "I'm still here!"

I suddenly thought of my grandfather.

He passed a few years back but I remember some 25 years ago rushing to the hospital when he had a heart attack.

Everyone was gathered around his hospital bed, so worried about him.

My grandmother didn't even know how to drive and was terrified of the possibility of a life without him.

My Dad talked about how my Grandfather needed to eat healthier from now on and

my Aunt was so shaken and shocked by the fact that she almost lost her Dad

and then...

One after the other, those three people have passed on and my grandfather lived many many more years.

He was retired but then got a part-time job, he dated several ladies and he even adopted himself a cat.

Yes, he's gone now too but who would have thought he'd be the last of them to go.

I'm boarding that little ancient whippet dog right now.

The couple has gone out and rescued two more whippets, both 9 years old.

So I actually boarding all three.

They all have fleecy winter coats that they wear outside in this bad weather

and today as I velcroed the old dog's belt around him, I looked at him at had that thought again.

He's 16...and I swear he has more spring in his step than ever. 

So what do these three tales have in common you might say?

Well. maybe it's just that you can't really plan anything.

That things will happen and not happen,

Life goes on.

Just because we are a certain age that may sometimes seem old to us,

it doesn't mean we might not have more years left than someone much younger.

Maybe the moral is that no matter what, what's going to happen it's going to happen.

Or not happen.

Maybe it's about fate, some cosmic plan or maybe it's God

Maybe it's just to say enjoy TODAY.

The other morning I was running a few minutes behind again and as I got to the bridge, the drawspan was open.

I had to turn around and drive to the other bridge, but I didn't hurry.

I just drove to work and didn't feel stressed

When I got to work, I was only a few minutes past the time I'm usually there, still earlier than almost everyone else.

I later told a co-worker that I think there was a reason for me being late by just a few minutes.

That maybe I missed something that I was suppose to miss.

METANOIA

 

I have to be careful what I write about on my blog. I mean, anyone can read it.
It's not like they need to be a "friend".

But I've never been big on "secrets". Probably because I was raised by a man full of them. Everything was a secret with him. Boy, I could really write quite a bit about that or one could ask my sister, she goes crazy on that topic!
But some things are best kept as secrets.
Such as salary. Sigh....
Yeah.
I was just rolling along with my life, not ignorant of the fact that I am probably a member of the working poor but...
Hey! things could be much worse.
I could not even have a job.
Or I could still be working at the "bank".
Now THAT was awful.
Awful to wake up each morning and feel every joint in your body be heavy with dread.
It was a physical effort to sit up and rise from bed and go to work. Then to sit in a windowless room and research the mistakes that other people had made. Only to almost always find another that had to be corrected too. I look back on that times and wonder how I made it through those years where I felt like my life blood was being drained slowly out of me....
and I didn't even have a dog.
I suppose the fact that I had a part-time job all those years that was a polar opposite of the bank, helped me get through that time.
That and the fact that I was so very busy working.
Now I have a job that I don't hate.
I get to go outside.
I get to care for creatures that I mostly love. I won't lie here, there are the occasional annoying untrained or nasty boarders but I do my best to view them as a challenge.
A challenge to connect with them and get them to settle down and be happy.
So...
the other day when I came into work after taking a day off to try to stop being sick, I just needed to get some rest before the big holiday and get some energy back. I was pleasantly surprised when the vet tech who had covered for me and cared for the ONE dog that was in my boarding kennel (and the room of cats) told me that she is amazed how I do all the work myself every day.
She commented about how caring for, medicating, cleaning. doing laundry for one dog had kept her busy all day.
This Thanksgiving I will have more than 30 dogs and several more cats to care for and she shuddered at the thought.
I thanked her because most people think it's a "cushy" job (as my boss has stated) and they don't stop to think how keeping a level of concern and commitment and most importantly care for YEARS is not always easy.
But because I am a fanatic about it, I can't let myself ever lower my standards.
So.... it made me feel GOOD, kinda warm and fuzzy that someone GOT it.
I felt happy, almost contented
Then I walked up front, the boss hadn't arrived to work yet and I found there is a feud going on over salaries.
I was told that one person had told another person what yet another was making.
They were mad and angry.
One talked about the dollar amount and how they had a raise this year and hoped for another in January.
I felt like a balloon that someone had just blown up and then let go.
My air rushing out and my head sailing around the room.
It's been 3 years since I have gotten an increase and I've been employed there for over 10 years...
and most of these people have just started working there....
their $ amounts are evidently very close to mine.
Or more.
I walked back to my area.
Tears in my eyes and went outside with my little boarder and leaned over and scratched the top of her head.
I stood up, threw the rope toy and watched her race after it
and I questioned what I'm doing with my life.

 

I guess I'll go paint something.