Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Doctors Visit

Every year I go to the Doctors Clinic and get my annual tests. Poked, probed and squished.
I HATE it. But I'm pretty sure that no one actually LIKES it.
I always put it off as long as I possibly can and to be honest I think the worst  part is actually talking with the Doctor.
The clinic that I go to have several on staff and they always ask if I have a request.
And I do. Someone different from last time.
I prefer to go to a woman doctor, someone who actually has "experienced" all the stages women go through. Someone that knows that one day I might cry about anything and the next day I am irritated by everything.
So yesterday I went in an irritated mood.
I already had several tests done and just needed to go over the results and also get my blood pressure taken and be weighed.
Monday nights are the only nights they are open later and after working both inside and outside all day in the heat, it started to pour down rain. I left for my appointment without an umbrella and I was drenched.
Then I ended up sitting in the waiting room for quite a bit while pretending to read "InStyle" magazine. There was a couple there in probably their forties and he had to fill out new forms. The wife would read the questions like "Do you smoke?" and he said no. "Have you ever smoked? and he said "Yes". "No you haven't!"
Yes I did, in my twenties!"
"Well, that's 20 years ago, it doesn't count!"
"Yes it does! the question is "have you EVER smoked!"...  and that was just over one question. You should have heard them when she asked "Do you exercise?" and when he said "Yes" I thought I felt my chair shake!
"You DO NOT!" she practically screamed.
Thank God I had my magazine.
A woman came out with a nurse and the nurse pointed to some vitamin packets in a basket on the table next to me. "Here" the nurse said and handed a packet to the woman. "Take some of these, they are free". So the woman took one, stuck it in her purse and left and the nurse turned and went back to work.
As I read my interesting article on how to spend only $1000 on 4 pieces of clothing, I could see in my peripheral vision the woman across from me, get up and get a packet. Then the woman next to me took one and then someone else. Then the first one took another. I kept reading.
FINALLY the nurse came out and called my name.
I set down my magazine and the woman got up again and took another packet.
When I got in the exam room the nurse took my blood pressure and counted my heartbeats by the clock on the wall. She asked how I was feeling and I said fine.
She left and then the Doctor came in.
I guessed her to be a little bit older than me. I looked at her long blonde fluffy hair
and had a debate in my head about what age a person should cut it shorter. I go back and forth on that one. I just decide that it's not age appropriate and then I see someone older with gorgeous long hair
and change my mind...
So the first thing she said was "I LOVE your purse!" I said thank you. I thought about telling her how I got it for $1.88 at Goodwill and how I had washed it in the washing machine at work to get rid of "cooties" and I was so happy that it came out looking like new again.
But I was tired, so I didn't. She sat down and flipped through my file. "57" she said (The year I was born) "Oh! that was a good year! My husband was born that year! He's older than me."
Now THAT irritated me.
Was she just absent-mindedly making conversation or wanted me to know she was younger.
But she was smiling. Maybe she didn't mean it to come out that way. I was probably just very tired, that and I hate going to the doctors.
Then she commented on my weight. I know I'm too fat and she said. "Now you probably like french fries! and it's OK to have a couple but then just throw the rest away!"
I looked at her and nodded.
I think french fries are OK. I can take them or leave them. THEY are NOT my downfall.
I love CHEESE. Cheese and Chocolate.
and High Fructose Syrup filled Fruitista Freezes from Taco Bell and Mocha Frappes from Mickey D's.
Then she said that my numbers were PRE-diabetic.  (I called my sister when I got home and told her my numbers and she said to ignore her, they weren't that bad.)
Then the Doctor asked if I had access to the Internet? I smiled and said "Yes". She said to go to the American Diabetes Association website. She said I would become addicted to it. It's such FUN! and has SO many great recipes. I nodded OK. She said to also check out the American Heart Association website, I would LOVE that too!
"Well..." I said, "um, I don't really like to cook".  She looked amazed. "Well, it has alot of helpful information!"
I said "OK".
Then she said "Now, you need to start walking." and I said I would.
"No! Really now, you need to walk at a fast pace."

So I said I would really try. It was just that I am on my feet all day long working and I come home exhausted and then I work in my yard or take care of stuff that needs to be done around my house and I'm just tired...but I would really make the effort to start.
Then she said "Too bad you don't have a dog to walk with!" and I smiled and replied "Oh, but I do."
But she was off rambling about her neighbor. She was saying that "You should SEE this guy! Here's this BIG guy being walked by his 130lb St. Bernard!" She said it was SO funny!
I mumbled that my dog was actually bigger.
"What!?" what is it? she asked.
"A Great Dane, a Great Dane mixed with maybe lab?" I answered.
"Oh MY!" She sniffed, "I told my husband that only LITTLE poops are allowed at OUR house".
In my head a voice was yelling "Oh NO you Didn't! You didn't just disrespect my BLUE! This woman had just crossed the line. She could call me old and fat but how dare she say something against my BIG OLE BLUE or any big dog for that matter.
I asked her if she didn't need to fill out one of those pink slips for my thyroid test? and she got flustered and said Oh, yes! and then I said I needed the prescription for the statin I'm on and she scribbled that out for me too. I said "Thanks! and I left and next time...
I'll ask for someone different.


Sandy Mastroni said...

you're just too funny

I haven't been to a doctor since 1986 .... ha ha
I hate the small talk , I don't need to hear them say go for a walk , lose some weight .... I say that to the mirror everyday
Your stories are fantastic ..... you're my erma bombeck
[ better than her ! ]

Nita {ModVintageLife} said...

That sounds absolutely awful. But I've noticed this too that I go to the doctor and hear then go on and on about their lives. Isn't this suppose to be the one time a year that it's all about me? I'm glad all was good. Last time I went to the doctor because I was feeling kind of woozy. He looked at me and said..."Well, I'm sure you have diabetes. We'll test you for that." I told him I didn't think I did. So they do all the tests and no I didn't. Turns out I was just getting too hot because my air conditioning was broke in my car and I was driving around in a hot car and it was making me feel sick.

I think it sounds like you get quite a bit of excercise with all the stuff you do for the dogs and then gardening. Truth be told you probably get more than her!

tina kirk said...

How funny! How true! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I just love to listen to couples like that :-) :-) :-) Time goes so fast then and I get a lot of good laughs :-) :-)

But it isn´t a bad idea to take a look at that diabetes site. It is now when we risk getting it and it is always best to be prepared to be honest. I know its not fun :-) but it is wise :-)

Have a great day!

Robin Kent said...

I agree with Sandy. Your post are always funny. It's great to get to know you. Sorta penpal-ish? (with illustrations.) I think we're all in the same boat. Maybe I should get a dog!

Robin Kent said...

PS Happy birthday (some time around now). I also try to get to my annual Dr visit around my birthday. (After the cake.) Boy, what a lousy present.

Anonymous said...

LOL, what a fabulous story! I work in family practice and can relate. Enjoy the rest of your year!