Wednesday, February 27, 2013

R. I. P. GRIFF... 1997? - 2013

5:10 this AM
got up and went down to let dogs outside.
Laundry room covered in dog poop, vomit and Griffin had it all over his back.
He was in a panic running back and forth and the other little ones sitting in a scared little bunch.
I quickly let all dogs outside and cleaned up the room.
Griffin continued his panicked circles out in the snow.
I let everyone back inside and grabbed Griff and carried him to bathtub and cleaned him up.
I took him downstairs and he ran away from me terrified.
He's been doing that a lot lately, looking at me and running away like I'm some stranger he's never seen.
In tears I took him to work with me and left the others at home.
He ran around the back of the van and would come up between the seats and stare at me with big wide eyes.
We got to work and I let him outside.
He ran around stumbling into snow banks and banging into the fence.
I text my niece Lily, the one who has grown up with him and who he adored and she him.
I told her that I thought it might be time to let him go.
I didn't even give her details, I just asked if she would be OK with that.
She said that she wished that she could tell me NO!, Don't do it but...
she thought that he was already GONE.
She said that he no longer had any idea who she was and she agreed that it was probably best for him to let him go.
Everyone at work agreed.
But still, my heart feels like someone is squeezing it tight and won't let go.
I want to throw up.
I text my sister afterwards, after he was gone
and she replied back -
"He's not confused anymore. He can see his way out"
That helps me a bit, to think that he can finally see his way out.
But right now...I just can't stop crying.
I need to take a break...I'll be back later when I can think straight.
read here for more on Griffin:
(Old photo of him sleeping in Blue's old food bowl.)


An Urban Cottage said...

It's such a feeling of helplessness to know one of your animals is in distress and they can't tell you what's going on. It never seems fair that we have to make that decision but the little guy is at peace now. You were a great mom!

Mary Helen-Art Saves Lives said...

I have been there and I am crying as I type this response. My Rosie is sometimes confused and he was terrified when he broke house rules... He looks a lot like my Rosie. I am sending you loving hugs and I wish I could be there to share a pot of tea and tell love stories! I wish you Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

Sandy Mastroni said...

Oh .... I'm sorry Cindi
It's such a hard thing to do , takes so much courage to do
but it is a loving thing to do when it's the right time
I miss my Juliette still ... missing her doesn't go away , but it was the right thing for us to do too
I hope you feel better soon

sassypackrat said...

My heart aches for you! Take all the time you need.

Jan said...

I don't believe I have visited your blog before but I saw a link on Yoborobo side bar and had to pop over and say how sorry I am that you had to go through this but I hope you can find comfort knowing your little guy is at peace now. My poor old border collie is getting close to this point. I hate having to have them put down but a day comes when we know in our hearts it is the most humane thing to do. You did the right thing but now you are the one in pain. So sorry, it'll get better. I'm glad you still have some other dogs to help you.

I'll try to stop by on a happier post. Hugs to you.

denise said...

So sorry. It's one of the hardest things animal owners bear. I love what your sister said.

yoborobo said...

Sending you hugs, my friend. xox

Pam said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I know that he knew love and kindness during his time with you.

Gillian, @look_mama said...

Oh Cindi, that is very sad. I know all the good things are true about what a great life he had and you did the right thing but this part is still so sad.

I wish I could give you a hug.


Robin Kent said...

So sorry to hear this. Hope you have some comfort knowing he's in peace now. That has to be better than state he was in. You gave him the best last gift - the kindest thing.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry! It's never easy is it.


Nita {ModVintageLife} said...

Oh...I am so sorry. You did the right thing. I too had to decide with my dog Puddin that it was time. She had had a couple of strokes and the last one she cried out and looked at me like "Make it stop!" So I did. Like you I had this terrible feeling I might should have waited but at the just seemed like the best thing for her. I know how dear he was to you and your niece. He was such a cute boy. You were the very best Mother to him. He knew that...he knows it now. He's running around with my Newman now. But oh....I know the know that my dear friend. I'll be thinking of you.

barbandemily said...

Thinking of you today. Sending comforting and healing energy your way!