Sunday, March 3, 2013

S A D

First thank you, thank you VERY VERY MUCH for all the kind and caring comments.
I thought I was prepared for Griffin's passing, given his advanced age and recent health scares.
but NO.

I felt overwhelmed by sadness...
Sad over his loss and apparently still
S.A.D.
that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing I had mentioned before.
I had to work everyday this week, including yesterday morning so I've been mentally and physically exhausted.
This week one of my boarders, a little beagle, who has gallstones, stopped eating and turned very lethargic. Surgery would be needed and there were no guarantees on the outcome. The owners felt that at her age, surgery was not an option.
So they had decided to let her go.
Apparently they called and told the girls up front that they were bringing her in but they wanted her to think she was going to boarding.
They said they couldn't bear to stay but they didn't want her to be scared.
They wanted me to come get her and sit with her instead.
So I did.
When they arrived I walked up to them and scooped her into my arms, I didn't even try to stop the tears streaming down my face.
I just didn't have it in me.
The girls went into the Comfort Room with me and everyone stroked her body and gave her kisses as she was given a shot to make her sleepy.
I held her as she fell to sleep and was given the final injection that sent her to Heaven.

Yep, it's been one big party around here lately.

It's made me question if I should continue working at the clinic but then I thought of other employment that I've had.
Where else could I go back to my desk after my own personal loss of Griffin and sob as I held one of my cats?
Where else could I sit and comfort and be strong for someone else's pet that was in need of someone who really cared about them.
Yep, my heart has had a work out this week. But I will stay as I continue to work on a career creating Art.
So... I've been doing pretty well except for the other night when I went into the dark laundry room to grab a load out of the dryer. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Griffin laying in his bed. It was just a dog towel that I forgotten that I had tucked into it.
I started to cry again and when I walked into the living room, Blue was sitting up on his loveseat.
I picked up the camera, could he be feeling my sadness?
Was he feeling sympathy, empathy.
I know he didn't care about Griff. I doubt he even noticed him much.
But I FELT some energy coming from him and had to go sit with him and hold his big head against me.
I'm not surprised. Blue has so many times reflected my thoughts.
 
Yesterday morning as I mentioned before, I worked and then my sister and my youngest niece Lily and I went to an early movie.
A movie that I really wanted to see "Life of Pi".
I stopped at their house so we could all drive together and Lily handed me a wad of Kleenex as we headed for the door.
She said "Just in case".
What a visually beautiful movie. It's definitely one that needs to be seen on the big screen.
It leaves you to decide what really happened and I believe that I know but...
I won't spoil it here.
Anyway. Beautiful movie.
I came home, fed the dogs and fell to sleep on the sofa, something I never do. I woke covered in little dogs and got up and let everyone out for the last night time potty and then went upstairs to bed and slept more.
I can't believe I slept that much.
In the morning I noticed in the bathroom (which is currently crowded with container plants and flowers that didn't die outside) that a Gerber Daisy had bloomed!
I went downstairs and the strong sunlight on the snow was brightly shining in through the white curtains.
I made some coffee and started arranging furniture.
I do that often.
I sat down and wrote out on index cards the different areas of my life that need tending.
To help me focus and to kick this SAD crap in the teeth.
(I will share those in another post)
I got on the computer, which sits on my desk behind the loveseat and started surfing and then writing.
Blue raised his head from his usual spot and looked up at me.
"I'm OK, Blue. Don't worry. I'm fine"
and he laid his head and started his Sunday nap.
Yep. I'm fine.
and once again THANK YOU all so much for being there for me.
XOXO

13 comments:

Mary Helen-Art Saves Lives said...

You will be fine...the beautiful pink flower is giving your radiance! I wish you Peace along with Blue! Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

An Urban Cottage said...

I truly believe that our pets feel and understand our emotions. And they know how to comfort us without saying a word.

Is Blue's eye okay? I've seen his pouting lids but the one seems really irritated.

Cynthia Myers said...

It's his food. He's very prone to allergies. You should see the pads of his feet right now. They are very red from his licking. There was a time that his belly and inner thighs were very pink and his skin had tiny flakes to it. He's been on antibotics and even had injections to battle it. I had him on a very expensive holistic fish and potato food that seemed to help some but not completely. I tried "cooking" his food, making a mixture of chicken and rice and green beans and...he vomited on that. So I changed him to another brand and it seemed about the same. It was less expensive, which makes a big difference considering how much he eats in a day. Then I tried another food thinking it was better and hoping it would help but it didn't. Obviously it's no good at all. The bad part is that none of this happens over night so now I have to start the process all over again and put him back on the "better" food and continue the seach for something that will hopefully give him complete relief. Yeah, his eye is irritated and I'm putting drops in it (something that I have to do whenever the allergies really flare up) and he hates it. I have to catch him off guard or he gets up and runs and crounchs under the kitchen table. It's always easier during the week when I have him at work and there's people to help me.

Nita {ModVintageLife} said...

I was glad to read this post. Yes, Blue is worried about you. He can tell when you are out of sorts. That is how my Newman was...he'd come to comfort me whenever I felt bad. I don't really have that now. Sally is oblivious. Violet is not concerned. Harvey is too much of a baby. And Franklin is too young...he might develop it but so far not. He's a sweetie though. He snuggles up tight to me at night. But oh...to have one that knows what you are feeling...that is so special.

Robin Kent said...

I know when my late cat, a stray, had sinus problems (yuck) the Vet put her on 1/2 Chlor-trimton tablet (same allergy medicine I used to take as a kid because I was allergic to cats, but wouldn't give mine up!). Guess what comes around goes around. What would your vet say about that? Any help?
I bet the daisy flower was sent from Griff as a thank you. Things like that happen, in my book. Pets do know what's going on in the house; no shielding it from the kids.

Cynthia Myers said...

Oh Robin! I never thought about the flower that way!
Oh, now I'm crying again.
But a good cry, to think of him sending a flower. :)
and thanks, I will ask my vet about that medication!

Abi said...

Oh Cindi, I am so sorry. It sucks. Big time.
I love Robin's thoughts - the daisy sent to you by Griff.
And Blue is feeling blue, because you are blue?..bless his heart.
I love the thought of your job Cindi, but I can imagine the immense fatigue you must feel on a regular basis.
Hugs to you my precious friend X

Gillian, @look_mama said...

That flower is a gift. It's saying "see what I can do". And you can too.

Some weeks certainly are better than others.

Have been thinking of you and hoping you are okay.

xx

yoborobo said...

Blue is such a sweetheart. He's keeping a close eye on you. :) I know that feeling, when you walk into a room, and you think you see an animal that has passed. Or when Opie died, I kept thinking I heard him because he 'hung around' my chair that i write in. It's such a hard thing, and I know you have had a terrible time lately. Sending lots of love & strength - xoxo

Jan said...

We can never be ready for their passing, no matter how ready we think we are. It still can hit us like a ton of bricks. Here is my blog post when my boy passed last year...no, on second thought I won't share it, it will just make you tear up again. Glad you have good friends who help you through this, your 4 leggeds and two leggeds.
Consider giving Blue active culture yogurt. It helps some dogs immensely. Take care.

thecottagebythecranelaketwo said...

You've had a toigh time lately but just think how safe and loved that dog felt when she fell to sleep for the last time.

It happens that I still call for all my old dogs to come in in the evenings :-) I know they are gone since long but something made me think I saw them :-)

I hope You don't have to go through any more tough times for a long while!

Christer.

leslie said...

just now catching up on blogs. so sorry about griffin, and the beagle, and SAD, and blue's allergies.

so glad for your blog, and for thoughtful people like you who make the world a better place for animals, and for the beautiful gerber daisy, and that we change clocks this weekend.

Ricki Jill Treleaven said...

It's so hard losing a pet. I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's so sweet how Blue is comforting you. :D What a blessing!