Thank you, a REVEAL and WTH?

First, before anything else.
THANK YOU for all your kind and compassionate words about Rosie.
They meant so much to me.
I have had, but not DIRECTLY said to me...
a few not kind people make a side remark, to others...
who then let it travel back to me that-
How can I care so much about all my pets?
The fact that I have more than the norm apparently makes them question how I can care
SO MUCH.
Well, I do.
And I feel very VERY sorry for those that can't understand it.
How awful to go through life with such a selfish hard heart.
Of course, I DO have some that will completely devastate me when they finally leave.
Truthfully, I hate loving some of them as much as I do.
Without question my Blue.
(Wow, even just typing out that sentence, filled my eyes with tears.)
But there's my cat Harry... oh god, he must live forever!
And my cat Ghost, he has to sleep as close as possible to me.
To say nothing of my little Ping and Poppy... but they are both young.
And my faithful Nora
and even irritating Jimmy Chew.
Yep, all the rest of them have my heart too.
So there.
It's just the way I am.
I was told as a child that I was too soft-hearted.
As I got older, I was told I needed to harden up.
Recently I was told that I needed to STOP caring so much.
I can't. I won't.
and why should I?

OK, On to a much HAPPIER topic!
My blogger friend Sharon, finally got the piece of Art that I did for her,
so I can reveal it now!
I showed some WIP's on Instagram but never the finished piece and here it is!

She wanted it to be of Jimmy Chew
and also the bag of dog food that he knocked over.
Here are some close-ups of the details.

I did it on art board in Inktense.
Then I did Jimmy, the bags of food and the kibble on paper and Inktense and ink
and collaged it on.
The kibble actually took the longest as I drew each piece, filled them in with Inktense and then went over it with my waterbrush and then relined it all.
But honestly, it felt like a form of meditation.
I went into a Zen mode!
LOL!

Then I made a few more "pieces" of kibble and collaged them on top of it to give it a more 3D feel.
I also extended the images over onto the sides.
Usually I don't do that because then I wouldn't be unable to copy it and make prints.
But I knew this was not to be copied, it was just for Sharon.
It meant so much to me that she wanted Jimmy and that she believes so much in me.
Yep, Definitely a GOOD THING!

And finally,
while I don't REALLY care...
the other day I noticed that my "blogger" Followers dropped from 98 to 95.
While I secretly had a little thrill that I was about to break a hundred,
I also know that there's many ways to Follow and that number doesn't mean much.
That and the fact that I really only care about QUALITY over Quantity
and my blogger friends here are THE BEST.

Then the other day the number dropped to 91!
WHAT THE HELL!
LOL!
but really, WTH?
I hope I didn't say or do something offensive
or worse, BORE people.
OK, letting it go...
Deep breaths.
(by the way, I have corrected the links to Follow my Art blog via email and subscribing. Thanks to Anne for giving me a heads up on that!)
I'm still thinking that's a lot to ask and maybe I just need to keep it all over here in one place....
Any thoughts or opinions?

Finally, my credit card got hacked! or whatever.
Luckily they text me immediately of possible fraudulent charges to a Walmart in central Iowa.
Yep, NOT me.
So they had to shut down that account and open a new one
and put a fraud watch alert on my credit reports.
Right after that, TWO people on Facebook,
both who used to work at the clinic but have moved on, had the same thing happen to them!
And none of us go to any of the same places or live in the same town!
Scary stuff.
But we all are questioning using our cards at gas stations.
I hate to go inside and prefer to pay at the pump but this has me thinking.
Have you dealt with fraudulent charges?
Do you think it could be the scanners at the pumps?
I hate to carry cash but maybe I should.

I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORD ...

aaaaaaah, I'm at a loss,

can't find the proper word.

A friend sent me an email the day after Ruby's passing while I was at work and asked me how I was doing  

and I answered back "FINE.... considering".

ok, THAT is not the right word, FINE... but,

I find grief is hard for other people to be around

so saying you are Fine is a good word.

I also told her that I just wishing I was at home

because it was exhausting to PRETEND to be OK.

source

She wrote back that she was sure that the people at work didn't expect me to pretend.

That they understood and were sympathetic.

I responded back to her that Yes, they were. 

That they all had been very kind and caring.

Very supportive. 

Very nice.

then I said...I guess that PRETEND wasn't the right word to use.

I couldn't find the right word to describe what I meant.

I wrote to her that I was searching for a word that meant

"Refraining from whimpering out-loud, non-stop".

source

Yeah, no reply to that email.

I told you, grief can be uncomfortable for other people.

So yeah, I'm fine.

source

And, in case you missed my thank you that I left on my prior post, 

TRULY...all the kind and compassionate comments/ condolences meant the world to me.

You are all the best.

XOXOXO

S A D

First thank you, thank you VERY VERY MUCH for all the kind and caring comments.

I thought I was prepared for Griffin's passing, given his advanced age and recent health scares.

but NO.

I felt overwhelmed by sadness...

Sad over his loss and apparently still

S.A.D.

that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing I had mentioned before.

I had to work everyday this week, including yesterday morning so I've been mentally and physically exhausted.

This week one of my boarders, a little beagle, who has gallstones, stopped eating and turned very lethargic. Surgery would be needed and there were no guarantees on the outcome. The owners felt that at her age, surgery was not an option.

So they had decided to let her go.

Apparently they called and told the girls up front that they were bringing her in but they wanted her to think she was going to boarding.

They said they couldn't bear to stay but they didn't want her to be scared.

They wanted me to come get her and sit with her instead.

So I did.

When they arrived I walked up to them and scooped her into my arms, I didn't even try to stop the tears streaming down my face.

I just didn't have it in me.

The girls went into the Comfort Room with me and everyone stroked her body and gave her kisses as she was given a shot to make her sleepy.

I held her as she fell to sleep and was given the final injection that sent her to Heaven.

Yep, it's been one big party around here lately.

It's made me question if I should continue working at the clinic but then I thought of other employment that I've had.

Where else could I go back to my desk after my own personal loss of Griffin and sob as I held one of my cats?

Where else could I sit and comfort and be strong for someone else's pet that was in need of someone who really cared about them.

Yep, my heart has had a work out this week. But I will stay as I continue to work on a career creating Art.

So... I've been doing pretty well except for the other night when I went into the dark laundry room to grab a load out of the dryer. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Griffin laying in his bed. It was just a dog towel that I forgotten that I had tucked into it.

I started to cry again and when I walked into the living room, Blue was sitting up on his loveseat.

I picked up the camera, could he be feeling my sadness?

Was he feeling sympathy, empathy.

I know he didn't care about Griff. I doubt he even noticed him much.

But I FELT some energy coming from him and had to go sit with him and hold his big head against me.

I'm not surprised. Blue has so many times reflected my thoughts.
 

Yesterday morning as I mentioned before, I worked and then my sister and my youngest niece Lily and I went to an early movie.

A movie that I really wanted to see "Life of Pi".

I stopped at their house so we could all drive together and Lily handed me a wad of Kleenex as we headed for the door.

She said "Just in case".

What a visually beautiful movie. It's definitely one that needs to be seen on the big screen.

It leaves you to decide what really happened and I believe that I know but...
I won't spoil it here.

Anyway. Beautiful movie.

I came home, fed the dogs and fell to sleep on the sofa, something I never do. I woke covered in little dogs and got up and let everyone out for the last night time potty and then went upstairs to bed and slept more.

I can't believe I slept that much.

In the morning I noticed in the bathroom (which is currently crowded with container plants and flowers that didn't die outside) that a Gerber Daisy had bloomed!

I went downstairs and the strong sunlight on the snow was brightly shining in through the white curtains.

I made some coffee and started arranging furniture.

I do that often.

I sat down and wrote out on index cards the different areas of my life that need tending.

To help me focus and to kick this SAD crap in the teeth.

(I will share those in another post)

I got on the computer, which sits on my desk behind the loveseat and started surfing and then writing.

Blue raised his head from his usual spot and looked up at me.

"I'm OK, Blue. Don't worry. I'm fine"

and he laid his head and started his Sunday nap.

Yep. I'm fine.

and once again THANK YOU all so much for being there for me.

XOXO