ANONYMOUS comment, LYING and being INCREDIBLY SAD.

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Anyone who monitors comments before publishing them probably has a lot of comments in their email from Anonymous.

It's kinda frightening how you can Google something and then you get some weird link in an email.

Not too long ago I Googled Tramadol. I actually just wanted to know that I was spelling it right.

(Tramadol is a pain medication used for dogs and I was sharing texts with someone and wanted to make sure of the spelling).

So, I've been getting strange anonymous comments on past posts in regards to Tramadol. I never click on them, I don't want a virus on my computer,
but sometimes the title of a particular post that I wrote, makes me want to go back and read it and see what I was writing about.

This morning the post that the comment linked to was:

http://oldblackcatboo.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-been-ugly-week.html

So I click on it and saw that it was from THREE years ago.

.............after reading it I thought, what the Hell is the matter with me?

Let me explain.

Thursday I was called into The Office.

Closed doors.

and told that apparently several people had said that I had looked at someone's paycheck and gone around the clinic and told everyone this person's wage.

I was in shock.

WTF? I mean Seriously.

Its always an effort for me to be "social" to some of these women and now this?

I did not do this thing, I was in shock and I quickly stated the I swore on Blue's life that it was not true.

ANYONE that knows me, knows that he is my most precious.

The fact that I could be fired over such a thing, made me sick.

and I do love my job.

I said to her that while I hadn't done this crime, I did know this person's wage because "Jane Doe" had come back to my work area for the specific reason to let me know that she had looked at the check on purpose and then said the wage.

So, without going into major detail, she was confronted again and AGAIN said she had heard it from ME.

Then apparently these OTHER people when asked again, said they had heard nothing from me but just from HER

and SHE had said I told her.

OK. Now I'm going to sound mean but I don't care.

This "Jane Doe" is a loud selfish little troll of a person that has no friends.

Everyone just puts up with her.

She is always repeating stories and embellishing them, inserting herself into them and making herself the hero.

Everything is always about HER.

When my one friend, a co-worker lost her little old dog and was so upset, she interrupted to say she knew exactly how she felt

because when HER dog had been sick and blah, blah blah.

Yeah, her dog had been sick and THEN got well and my friend's dog had DIED.

This same "Jane Doe" had also yelled across the clinic a very offense remark to my niece that was not true.

Supposedly she was talked to about that but there was never any apparent action taken and no apology.

So, because I am incredibly STUPID, I still talked to her and was kind to her.

Maybe it's because I always feel sorry for the Underdog?  or that I just try to consider the source and move past it.

But now I've had my integrity questioned and one thing I am NOT, is a liar.

I even stated such. In fact there have been times in my life where I got myself into trouble because I wouldn't lie.

So I was then asked if I was willing to do a meeting with "Jane Doe",  this woman, who I been a friend to

and the Doctor would moderate us.

I said "Gladly!".

The next day we meet and before we had begun "Jane Doe" said she wanted to first apologize to me

and then turned to tell the Doctor she was sorry she had lied to her.

We were kinda stunned that she finally admitted to it.

The Doctor was surprised as she had anticipated an ugly argument.

But I said that I was very hurt and that she had lost my trust.

To make a long story short, she was talking and laughing later in the afternoon.

and me?

I'm sorry but I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting.

I don't believe that I need to "forgive" for my own piece of mind and let it go.

This is a woman who loved on my Blue and who said if anything ever happened to me,

she would fix up her spare room for him to live in and now THIS?

She could have gotten me fired for her lie.

I have put up with a lot at this job, people who think I have it SO easy.

Yeah, I'd like to see them do my job day in and day out in all kinds of weather, dealing with dog poop stomped all over the kennel bars on the door and over the walls in the mornings and sometimes aggressive dogs and dogs who have so some many special needs.

I do this job week after week. Year after year and

These people grumble about the occasional dirty cage they must clean!

I have a lot of clients tell me that they only come and leave their pets because of me.

That if I wasn't there, they would find someone else.....and it's because I do TRULY love their animals.

I worry that if they go somewhere else, they won't be cared for properly.

and Of course I do have some wonderful days.

Days when I'm so happy being outside and caring for favored boarders.

To me, that's a balance but to others that's all they see and think it's easy.

This has hit me HARD.

It's weakened my spirit and made me question everything.

My life, my job, my future, where I live, everything.

And yet life goes on and that Troll walks around laughing her loud offensive laugh.

I can't leave this job

I have too much debt and I need the back-up of vet care for all my pets.

And... I have put so much time and energy into this.

I've gone from the old kennel at the old location where I dragged hoses up a hill

and had water buckets that would freeze and I was working in my winter coat.

Now at this new building, the work set up is so much better.

And I could be SO happy if I was just left alone.

On top of this, I turned 57 last week.

FIFTY-SEVEN. A friend of mine exclaimed that it's almost 60!

She kept saying that she couldn't believe I was so old and

told me I should be thankful that I didn't look it....

(I have some great friends don't I! )

and I don't feel like what I think 57 would be

but my life is certainly not as I had thought it would be at this point.

I didn't think I would be picking up dog poop with a knife in my back.

Yeah...lots to think about and figure out.

Sadly, nothing that could be done immediately.

I feel like a prisoner  digging a tunnel out with a spoon....

And several of my pets are very old.

Rosie is in sad shape...she's 15 and I don't want to think about that,

much less talk about it.

I guess maybe when most of them are gone

and I don't have to worry about caring financially for so many....

God, isn't that nice? That I have to think about them DYING to be free of this crap.

I'm so sad.

I could be happy doing what I do and doing things I love when I get home but,

to think that there was the possibility of people just thinking this about me and not being able to defend myself.

To lose my livelihood or have the Doctors just believe her and question my character and look down on me.

And then...I read the post that Anonymous left a comment on

from 3 years ago and remember that I was dealing with such mean hatefulness back then.

Truly, what the Hell is wrong with me?

I need to stop being complacent and figure this out.

But I'm NOT forgiving.

I'm not a Pollyanna or a Liar.

and to say I Forgive her would be a Lie.

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