Saturday, July 26, 2014

ANONYMOUS comment, LYING and being INCREDIBLY SAD.

Anyone who monitors comments before publishing them probably has a lot of comments in their email from Anonymous.
It's kinda frightening how you can Google something and then you get some weird link in an email.
Not too long ago I Googled Tramadol. I actually just wanted to know that I was spelling it right.
(Tramadol is a pain medication used for dogs and I was sharing texts with someone and wanted to make sure of the spelling).
So, I've been getting strange anonymous comments on past posts in regards to Tramadol. I never click on them, I don't want a virus on my computer,
but sometimes the title of a particular post that I wrote, makes me want to go back and read it and see what I was writing about.
This morning the post that the comment linked to was:
http://oldblackcatboo.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-been-ugly-week.html
So I click on it and saw that it was from THREE years ago.
.............after reading it I thought, what the Hell is the matter with me?
Let me explain.
Thursday I was called into The Office.
Closed doors.
and told that apparently several people had said that I had looked at someone's paycheck and gone around the clinic and told everyone this person's wage.
I was in shock.
WTF? I mean Seriously.
Its always an effort for me to be "social" to some of these women and now this?
I did not do this thing, I was in shock and I quickly stated the I swore on Blue's life that it was not true.
ANYONE that knows me, knows that he is my most precious.
The fact that I could be fired over such a thing, made me sick.
and I do love my job.
I said to her that while I hadn't done this crime, I did know this person's wage because "Jane Doe" had come back to my work area for the specific reason to let me know that she had looked at the check on purpose and then said the wage.
So, without going into major detail, she was confronted again and AGAIN said she had heard it from ME.
Then apparently these OTHER people when asked again, said they had heard nothing from me but just from HER
and SHE had said I told her.
OK. Now I'm going to sound mean but I don't care.
This "Jane Doe" is a loud selfish little troll of a person that has no friends.
Everyone just puts up with her.
She is always repeating stories and embellishing them, inserting herself into them and making herself the hero.
Everything is always about HER.
When my one friend, a co-worker lost her little old dog and was so upset, she interrupted to say she knew exactly how she felt
because when HER dog had been sick and blah, blah blah.
Yeah, her dog had been sick and THEN got well and my friend's dog had DIED.
This same "Jane Doe" had also yelled across the clinic a very offense remark to my niece that was not true.
Supposedly she was talked to about that but there was never any apparent action taken and no apology.
So, because I am incredibly STUPID, I still talked to her and was kind to her.
Maybe it's because I always feel sorry for the Underdog?  or that I just try to consider the source and move past it.
But now I've had my integrity questioned and one thing I am NOT, is a liar.
I even stated such. In fact there have been times in my life where I got myself into trouble because I wouldn't lie.
So I was then asked if I was willing to do a meeting with "Jane Doe",  this woman, who I been a friend to
and the Doctor would moderate us.
I said "Gladly!".
The next day we meet and before we had begun "Jane Doe" said she wanted to first apologize to me
and then turned to tell the Doctor she was sorry she had lied to her.
We were kinda stunned that she finally admitted to it.
The Doctor was surprised as she had anticipated an ugly argument.
But I said that I was very hurt and that she had lost my trust.
To make a long story short, she was talking and laughing later in the afternoon.
and me?
I'm sorry but I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting.
I don't believe that I need to "forgive" for my own piece of mind and let it go.
This is a woman who loved on my Blue and who said if anything ever happened to me,
she would fix up her spare room for him to live in and now THIS?
She could have gotten me fired for her lie.
I have put up with a lot at this job, people who think I have it SO easy.
Yeah, I'd like to see them do my job day in and day out in all kinds of weather, dealing with dog poop stomped all over the kennel bars on the door and over the walls in the mornings and sometimes aggressive dogs and dogs who have so some many special needs.
I do this job week after week. Year after year and
These people grumble about the occasional dirty cage they must clean!
I have a lot of clients tell me that they only come and leave their pets because of me.
That if I wasn't there, they would find someone else.....and it's because I do TRULY love their animals.
I worry that if they go somewhere else, they won't be cared for properly.
and Of course I do have some wonderful days.
Days when I'm so happy being outside and caring for favored boarders.
To me, that's a balance but to others that's all they see and think it's easy.

This has hit me HARD.
It's weakened my spirit and made me question everything.
My life, my job, my future, where I live, everything.
And yet life goes on and that Troll walks around laughing her loud offensive laugh.
I can't leave this job
I have too much debt and I need the back-up of vet care for all my pets.
And... I have put so much time and energy into this.
I've gone from the old kennel at the old location where I dragged hoses up a hill
and had water buckets that would freeze and I was working in my winter coat.
Now at this new building, the work set up is so much better.
And I could be SO happy if I was just left alone.

On top of this, I turned 57 last week.
FIFTY-SEVEN. A friend of mine exclaimed that it's almost 60!
She kept saying that she couldn't believe I was so old and
told me I should be thankful that I didn't look it....
(I have some great friends don't I! )
and I don't feel like what I think 57 would be
but my life is certainly not as I had thought it would be at this point.
I didn't think I would be picking up dog poop with a knife in my back.
Yeah...lots to think about and figure out.
Sadly, nothing that could be done immediately.
I feel like a prisoner  digging a tunnel out with a spoon....
And several of my pets are very old.
Rosie is in sad shape...she's 15 and I don't want to think about that,
much less talk about it.
I guess maybe when most of them are gone
and I don't have to worry about caring financially for so many....
God, isn't that nice? That I have to think about them DYING to be free of this crap.
I'm so sad.
I could be happy doing what I do and doing things I love when I get home but,
to think that there was the possibility of people just thinking this about me and not being able to defend myself.
To lose my livelihood or have the Doctors just believe her and question my character and look down on me.
And then...I read the post that Anonymous left a comment on
from 3 years ago and remember that I was dealing with such mean hatefulness back then.
Truly, what the Hell is wrong with me?
I need to stop being complacent and figure this out.
But I'm NOT forgiving.
I'm not a Pollyanna or a Liar.
and to say I Forgive her would be a Lie.

15 comments:

Nita Stacy said...

Well, in the end it was nothing about you. Nothing at your job changed...you just had to deal with the consequences of a stupid girl. I don't know why they made such a big deal to you and then quickly let her off the hook. But you have to let it go. I like you befriend those who have no friends at work. I get warned not to do it. There is one old sales woman that everyone has told me to steer clear of. But I am still very friendly to her. Everyone says she will stab me in the back one day. I am friendly with her...but I am careful what I say to her too...I've seen her in action and yes...there is a reason why no one likes her.

We've almost made it through our birthday month. I'm only 53...ha! only....getting close to 60 myself. I never thought I'd be alone at this age...or rather...I thought I might be a widow by now...not a never married. My job is not the greatest either.

Hang in there. I wish we lived close to each other and could get together. I'd cheer you up and you could cheer me up.

CheerfulMonk said...

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. But bless you for caring for the animals!

Gillian said...

Oh wow! Why didn’t the liar get the sack? Who would want a mean piece of work like that in their place? I want to slap her face!

They all seem to come and go. One day soon all those wretched witches will be gone.

Good on you for facing up to her and calling her out on it.

Go buy a lottery ticket.

xx
Gillian

Patty said...

Stand tall. I can relate and this
post reminds me why I'm so glad I'm
retired. A toxic work place will
take the wind right out of your
sails. I've found that a happy cave
of making stuff is the best medicine
for me. You take care.

Cynthia Myers said...

Nita,
I adore you but everything has changed. Kinda like a relationship, or a marriage where something happens but they stay together and from the outside it appears to be fine but that intangile thing, that feeling in your heart, has been damaged beyond repair. Maybe because I view what I do as as who I am and not as a job, this has rocked me to the core. I suppose that sounds silly. After all, all I do is care for and pick up after dogs but...that's how I feel. So, I must figure out how to detach myself and find my way to happiness. And what brings happiness to people are different things. I look around me and see people stuck such as I am, but in marriages rather than a job and I much prefer my situation. At least I can come home and do as I please.
Yes, I thought I would have been married too. After all that is how we were raised, the ultimate goal. But I do not pine for it. I can't even imagine it. LOL! I doubt that the right person exists.
Actually I suppose I should look at all of this as a gift. A wake-up of sorts. Like Cher slapping Nicholas Cage and screaming "Snap out of it".
A thanks I needed that kind of thing.
and... I'll figure it out.
I just needed to vent, to think it out and as always, have my friends like you to support me.
Thanks for being there.
(And stay away from that woman, a scorpion is a scorpion and she'll strike some day.) xoxo

Cynthia Myers said...

Jean,
Thank you.
Yes, I must focus on the animals and put the rest out of my mind.
Thanks for commenting!

Cynthia Myers said...

Gillian,
First, I must let you know that I haven't been getting email alerts on new posts on your blog. So I lost track of you! I'm so glad you commented and I linked back to you and there you are! I subscribed again, but in the future I will keep closer tabs.
xoxo
I hardly ever buy lottery tickets. I think maybe 5 or six times in my whole life but yes, I must start skipping my Baja Blast Freeze at lunch time and buy a couple of tickets instead! LOL!

thecottagebythecranelaketwo said...

As Nita says, You have to let it go. Otherwise You'll destroy Yourself. Now they know You can be trusted and the awful one can't. If anything this has made Your cards better if You understand how I mean.

I think they must talk to You if anything like this happens, doesn't mean they don't trust You. I deal with things like this every week since I am the union man but thankfully everyone already knows what the other people at work makes. People started to slander workfriends, saying they earned much more than they did, that they didn't deserve it and they got that kind of money because they were ass-kissers.

So everyone agreed that there should be a list of what each and everyone earns at work and those doing the slandering almost lost their jobs.

You should by the way clean out cookies from Your computer, many of them spy on Your search words and then either the commercials on Your screen will show some of the things You'v e been searching for on the net or spam shows up on Your blog. There's also machines that search all web sites and spam You with what ever You have been writing about before.

So just don't care about this bitch, You came out stronger from this and she showed herself to be a lying bitch no one can trust.

Christer.

Cynthia Myers said...

Patti,
I wish I could retire now!
LOL!
Makes me think about taking retirement at 62...but social security doesn't pay much.
Yes, I need to figure out things.
They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
Obviously those "jobs" are not in the paper but rather what you create yourself.
Thanks so much for commenting!

thecottagebythecranelaketwo said...

By the way, love that white dog in the bottom photo :-)
Christer.

tammy j said...

i don't even know where to begin.
you literally are working everyday in a toxic place.

i'd say go into your inner place.
smile pleasantly to anyone. but do not socialize. if they try simply say "i have things to do."
but that's always easier said than done i know.

the dogs are your friends there.
not the people.

a woman lied about me in a job i had once. she knew. i knew. and yet the supervisor believed her.
i'd NEVER known an adult that lied before. talk about a pollyanna! i grew up fast in that job. and i've always remembered her face when she told that lie.
she looked right at me and smiled as she said it. an odd evil little smirky smile. cold to the core. and i thought she liked me!
and it was over something so stupid. and they all believed HER.

i wish you could have your own kennel and take all the clients with you.
actually... if you changed jobs to another kennel ... if it were close enough ... your clients would probably follow you.
you are VALUED.
never ever forget it.
you amaze the crap out of me.
and i just turned 69 this june.
and you're a mere baby. LOLOL.
i'm 12 inside.
that's only what counts.
don't you ever forget that either!
XOXO♥


Cynthia Myers said...

Christer,
OK third time is a charm.
I've tried answering your comment but my laptop keeps going black.
Apparently it's about to die. :(
anyway, Thanks SO much for your comment.
If they posted salaries at my workplace, I'm sure there would be some hair pulling.
When you mentioned slander, I wonder if I could sue her for that? My step-mom works for a law firm, maybe I should check that out! LOL!
It's just that I am SO tired of all this crap. I just want to do my job and be left alone. It's stressful enough trying to make ends met without all this BS.
and Yes, at least they know now but it's insulting to even be suspected.
I will never talk this woman again except professionally and I will never back her up or listen to her stories. I think that I can be a very good friend to someone but I think I'm a worse enemy in the fact that I will just cut her out of my mind and she will cease to exist for me....sigh.
It's just exhausting.
Oh and before my laptop went black I deleted my "cookies"! Thanks for that too.
(I agree about the dog. I used that photo because he looks SO happy!)

Cynthia Myers said...

Tammy,
Thank you for your kind words.
I used to be a Pollyanna and actually there are still times I'm shocked by other peoples behavior.
So many have no moral code nowadays it seems. Maybe it's always been that way and it's just taken me this long to realize it.
I grew up being taught that you'd get in more trouble for lying than for telling the truth. And also...how do people stand themselves being like that? How do they sleep? How can they be at peace with themselves. I guess that might be it. They are not. They are miserable human beings who want attention.
Anyway. I know 57 isn't old and neither is 69 but I'm just being realistic as far as being hired for something else. If I went back to school (and I hated school with a passion) I would be 61 at least by the time I graduated and 20 somethings have a hard time finding a job let alone people over 50.
As far as another kennel. I don't see me going some place else being the new person and not being able to run the place the way I think it should be.
And a kennel of my own?
No, because I'd have to be around almost 24/7. Also we have to call Doc almost every weekend it seems over some medical issue. But that's only because we board patients of ours who we already know have problems and they stay there because they know Doc is around to call.
So I won't want to have medical issues to worry about on my own.
Yep. I need to think and work on stuff and just keep paying my bills.
Although I might actually start buying those lottery tickets!

(I love that you are 12! I think I'm 34)
xoxo

Vicki said...

I had something similar happen to me. It's a difficult dilemma. And, is emotionally draining.
I hate workplace politics. So petty.

Wish I had good advice to give you. Every place and person is judged on their merits (or not). And, it's hard to find one's niche. But, the longer someone with ethics and honest standards stays at a place, the sooner "others" stand out for what they are - untrustworthy and vindictive.

Stand your ground, do the good work that you do, and keep a distance from people - until you find out who you can and can't trust.
It takes time.

Pity people aren't more like animals - you instantly know where you stand with an animal... especially dogs :)

Cynthia Myers said...

Vicki,
Thank you, you have given me good advice. :)
I couldn't agree more about animals.
If they don't like you, they let you know straight up.
Thank for commenting!