Sunday, May 8, 2016

Finding POSITIVES in the NEGATIVES.

Maybe I was mumbling this week because
The Universe was not getting my messages correctly.
Maybe I lost focus and somehow concentrated on the wrong things but
this week kinda sucked.

There I go again. I just focused on the negative!
I need to shake that off and look at the positives!
I tell ya, this is a real learning process.
I have to keep catching myself and adjusting my attitude.

OK, where should I start?
Here's a positive!
I had received several emails (FOUR) from VIDA about them liking my Art
and asking me to submit some artwork.
I looked over their website and it appeared to very nice high-end clothing
and I REALLY liked how they helped their workers to become literate.
They set the prices and handle all the production and shipping
and then I get 10% of the sells.
You can read about that HERE.

So I made an account with them and submitted some of my photos for silk scarves
and they were "pending" and then they evidently liked them and posted them.
Only problem was, they weren't a high enough resolution.
They asked me to correct that and I just don't think it's possible to get them to the pixels and dpi that they need.
Truthfully, I don't know much about that kind of thing and they suggest Photoshop, which I don't have.
I tried to change them in my "Paint" program but then it wouldn't let me open it up and do any other editing.
So I went to my account and took the images off.
I don't want someone to order one and for it not to be available.
I took some quick photos to show what it DID look like before I took it down-

So the Positive of this Negative is, they liked my work.
To be honest, I'm not that majorly bummed.
I mean I thought it was cool but it wasn't the direction that I dream of going towards.
I have THAT worked out in my head and will share for another day.

Kinda tied to that because it is computer related is the Negative that my older PC is done.
It started out with the cat puking on the keyboard and then another day he jumped on me while I was drinking coffee and it spilled everywhere.
Of course the fact that  he was always walking on it probably didn't help.
Then finally it just came on in the middle of the night and the screen was glowing and making weird sounds.
When it happened I woke up to this eerie light in the hallway and I walked out and down a couple of steps and peered through the banister at the computer screen and I immediately thought of Poltergeist and quickly ran down and shut it off.

My laptop has been on the fritz for a while too.
It was refurbished to begin with and it runs very hot and sometimes just blacks out and shuts down when it's not plugged in.
The Positive! - I can do a lot on my iPhone. It's hard for me to comment on other blogs sometimes but I can do partial posts on it and upload photos and sometimes I can use my work computer on my lunch hour to finish up stuff.
Another Positive is that I think by keeping it plugged and if I get a laptop cooling pad it will solve that problem.
So I'm optimist about that!

OK, here's another Negative -  this Shingles thing I have, maybe.
It's called Zoster vine Herpete and it's basically shingles without the rash.
I have all the symptoms, the burning feeling on the skin
not a deep pain like somethings wrong in my tummy or in my side.
But I got to thinking, maybe it's a pulled muscle.
I did try to move/lift some thing a few weeks ago that weighed A LOT.
(Probably 200 lbs at least)
and I did lift a couple of bigger dogs this week to bathe...

Anyway I'm really done with it.
I want it over and I'm sick of it hurting but
on the POSITIVE, if it's the Shingles thing, it could be the one with the rash and
it could be somewhere visible so I'm lucky it's not that and
if it's a pulled muscle, it will eventually heal
so I need to shut up about it and count my lucky stars.

Then... I hesitate to post this but I share everything here so....
GULP.
I have (had) a HUGE vet bill.
Doc is aware of it but has been tolerant of it because every dog bath I do,
the money goes directly onto my account.
Sadly I only make between $5.00 to $7.50 a bath so realistically I'd probably be dead before it got paid off
(if I just paid it down that way.)
So I've also made monthly payments to it too.
OK, so this is what happened -
#1 Mean Girl jumped my niece about her bill and made a HUGE deal about it at work
and then dragged my name and the amount of my bill into it too and then Doc walked into the room and she started ranting to him about it.
It kinda put him on the spot, as others do not have such a high balance.
In the past I've gotten my bill pretty low but then someone has gotten sick and...

Anyway. I didn't want Captain Mean Girl to make it into something REALLY BIG
and gossip to everyone about it so I went and took all my emergency money that I had (per advice of Tammy and Sharon) and
applied it all to my bill and put the rest on a super low interest deal that my credit card company was offering.
BUT the positive is THAT bill is gone and next time when they ask me to bathe a huge rowdy out of control dog who's sure to throw my back out or pull a muscle, I can politely decline.
In the past I felt obligated to do it because of my bill.
Another Positive is the fact that I have GOOD friends who had told me to accumulate a emergency fund and therefore I had it to use!
Another Positive is that I'm not worried about it.
I will make more Art and more cash will come my way and my bills will disappear!

Finally, my last Negative is... I realized this week that my Blue isn't young.
I mean, I knew that but this week it hit me hard and I'll tell you what happened to make me realize it but first I will share how the same thing happened to me with my Dad.
My Dad always looked MUCH younger than his actual age but we all do age.
It just happens, but sometimes it does it so slow and that it creeps up and you don't realize it.
Yep, that and a big heaping lump of denial stirred into all.
Anyway I had gone into a restaurant to pick up an order many years ago and a man walked in who I thought at first glance was my Dad.
Just as I was about to call out to him, I realized it wasn't him at all.
It was just an elderly man that looked like him.
I was depressed for days.

So...with Blue.
He hates nail trims.
He curls his lip and runs and hides under the kitchen table (or tries to but he's too big to get all the way under there) but he hides when he sees the nail clippers.
So I've always just taken him to work and they have him step on a "bale" that Doc uses for "big" chiropractic patients. (Huge dogs and horses).
When he was young it took a vet tech on each side of him and one behind him and me scratching his forehead and keeping him focused on me while a 5th person cut his nails.
Over the years, the number of people it takes to do the job keeps going down.
Now it's only two people.
So when I took him in this week to have them trim them, I took photos of him.
Later at home I looked at the photos and it hit me,
My Blue is an old man.

Then the night before last, he wouldn't eat his food.
If someone asked me about their own dog skipping a meal, I would say not to worry.
I'd say - Give it 24 hours and see if he just had an upset tummy, To let it settle.
Not to worry as long as his belly wasn't hard.
A hard belly can mean bloat and in that case you must rush your dog to the emergency vet immediately.
Anyway.
I felt his belly, it wasn't hard.
Then I called my sister and told her he wouldn't eat and then I burst out crying.
Finally she calmed me down and asked me what was wrong and I told her that Blue was old.
God, I'm tearing up writing that!
Jeez.
The Positive - The other morning I gave him special canned food and he ate it.
and last night he ate his regular food like no one's business.
The Positive - Blue is fine.

Yep, It's been quite a week.
I've struggled, I'll be honest.
I've gotten upset over the fact that I've only made a small dent in my clutter
and my vacation isn't very far away and I was feeling myself slipping.
I would forget to put it out to The Universe and to believe it.

But Hey! It will all work out because I'm focused again
and I'm SCREAMING it out to The Universe.
Things might take a while to come around but come around it will!

and then I read Tammy's latest post, about all those people losing everything in those horrible fires in Canada.

Whoa. What a reality check.
I'm so fortunate!
and I could hear my Dad's voice in my head.
His words he would always say to me when I would start to complain about anything.
Yep, I can hear my Dad telling me to "Quit your belly-aching!"

So I'm quitting my belly-aching.
I'm putting it out to The Universe.
I know everything will be fine and turn out as I dream.
But I just wanted to share all my Negatives
in case someone else is having a week that sucks.
There are Positives.
We just have to remember to look for them
and to THINK Positive
and count our BLESSINGS!
XOXOXOXOXO



19 comments:

tammy j said...

wow
first I love the new look of the blog!
second
you look like a film star from the golden age of Hollywood in that picture! cool! just beautiful. don't be embarrassed! it's true!
third
beloved blue. it must hurt them because I've never known one yet that likes having their nails clipped. once a tech drew blood on zekey and he forever after was panicked by it. blue is so sweet sitting there.
and
oh darling girl. that group you work with.
if ever you had a daily test of fortitude ... THAT place full of those women are IT. what a bunch of cruel jealous and toxic people!
oh my.
but you are overcoming it all.
I read a neat quote today that applies to them.
"nobody can make you feel anything without your consent!"
here's to your future. and your children's books! it's gonna happen!!!
XOXOXO♥

Jan said...

You are one tenacious woman! Making so many good choices and working so hard to improve your life and your perspective. I truly admire you! I wonder how you could create a higher resolution photo for Vida? Was the photo taken in a low resolution in the first place? Can't you take another photo in a high resolution and submit it? I don't have photoshop either, I just use Picasa for free and it has been enough for my small needs. It's a google photo editing program. I know there are others for free too. If you have time and inclination, you may want to continue to try and work with Vida because you never know where some exposure might take you.

Yes, Blue is getting old. It is so painful to contemplate, I can't bear to think of it and yet what an unimaginable life without them. I'll always have at least one dog.

Cindi Myers said...

Thanks Tammy!
I'm still working on the blog look.
:D
And thanks about my photo but it's really deceptive. I noticed other people had their actual photos so I used one from a couple of years ago when I first got this phone and I cropped out as much as possible! Believe me when I say it all goes bad below my nose! Lol! But thanks.
They have never cut Blue's "quick" until this time so I'm not sure why he's always been afraid. But he does love visiting!
Yeah.... Well, this last thing is all that they had. So, it's pretty much over.
There's a few other things I won't go into here but it's definitely done. Nothing left.
And Yes! I just don't care. I have bigger and better things to think about.
I'm only thinking ahead! :D
Thanks again!
Xoxoxo

shortybear said...

nice post

Cindi Myers said...

Jan,
Yes, I took it with my phone originally so it's low.
Usually that's not a problem but they want it to be a super high resolution.
I'd have to go back and look but I believe it was 10350 x 103500 and 300 dpi
I can't take most of the photos again as I'm not around some of those cats now. I was thinking of maybe getting prints of those photos, like I did for the mounted dog ones that you have, and scanning them on my own printer....
I don't know, I'll have to think about this some more.
I have a camera (somewhere) that I never use anymore because the photos I take with my iPhone come out so much better and I'm able to take them so much faster with the phone and catch more images and the editing is better than the one on my computer!
Sigh.

Yes... the worst part of having pets is that they don't live long enough.
I just want Blue to be around forever.
And I too will ALWAYS have a dog. If I get to be 100 yrs old and suddenly have no dog, I'll go to the shelter and adopt me a 100 yr old dog that they are going to put down.
Truly, I won't want to be around without a dog (and a cat).
:D
XOXOXOXOXOXO

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you Shorty Bear!

At Rivercrest Cottage said...

Now, I'm gonna yell a little:

1. Blue doesn't look old, he looks like he's become a gentleman! It really is all in your perspective.

2. The universe sent you a wonderful opportunity. Do you know of Vera Wang? She started out with scarves and became very famous and did lots of other stuff and her scarves are collectors items like Andy Warhol paintings are! Ask the universe to create an opportunity to do that resolution thingy. Is there a computer geek who has a computer who could assist? Can you pay to have it done?Come on, get creative!

3. When you go to bed, before you go to sleep, focus very hard on what you're needing. Keep putting it out to the universe over and over til you fall asleep. The answer will come to you very soon. Just keep on til you get the answer.

4. Why in the hell don't you write a children's book of Blue's adventures? You painted a picture with your words and I could see Blue plastered with people. So first book is about that and you illustrate it.

You are a one-woman dynamo of creativity. A beautiful person inside and out. Why do you insist on putting yourself down?

Butterfly 8)(8 Bungalow said...

There are a lot of positives coming to you and ones you are creating. It's wonderful. That's a sad dream. xoxo Su

Cindi Myers said...

Sharon,
LOL! I ADORE you.
You always tell me what I need to hear.
You're right, he's a gentlemen now.
:D
Yes! I know of Vera, my oldest poodle is named Vera WAG after her! LOL!
But I didn't know about the fact that she started with scarves!!!
OK, I'll send it to The Universe. xoxo
Thank you about the suggestion about focusing on it as I go to sleep.
I always read a bit before nodding off and instead, I will do THAT.
:D
My plan that I haven't really fully shared, is to finally finish the book that I started on Kanga. Once that's accomplished I want to write both a kids book and an adult book about Blue.
The childrens book, I want to be a series... and I have more plans along those lines too....I'll share that all VERY soon.
And lastly, I'm still working on the self image thing. I'm just so disappointed that I've let myself gain so much. Sigh. But Thank you.
Truly, thanks for the yellin'
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Cindi Myers said...

Thank you Su!
I'm working on them!
AND on ignoring the negatives!
XOXO

CheerfulMonk said...

I love that quote by Jon Gordon! I just came across this article. I don't know if it has any useful ideas, but I immediately thought of you.

That's so exciting that Vida likes your work, even though pursuing it right now would probably be distracting. As always, wishing you the best. Thank you so much for sharing your adventures.

Blue getting older is sad. Sammy, one of my granddogs, is now over 13 years old and is having health problems. All we can do is focus on the good times.

CheerfulMonk said...

PS Have you seen The 20 Essential Habits of Highly Passionate People?

Cindi Myers said...

Jean,
Thank you for those links!
So much to think about and yes, change how I'm thinking
and how I'm doing things!
Thank you so much for emailing me today and trying to work that resolution thing out.
It's maddening!
But I'm learning from it all.
and I will work on it some more after I finish the other projects!
You're the best!
XOXOXOXOXO

Anonymous said...

Cindi,

I'm sorry the VIDA thing didn't work out -- I really liked your scarf designs. I think you should work with a printing company to have those designs put on greeting cards. I would buy that!

I totally get how you feel about Blue getting older. Just in the last few months, my 17 year-old dog has become very needy and feeble. She has cataracts on both eyes and is practically blind now. For the past year I've been going home every day for lunch because she can't wait 8 hours for a bathroom break like she used to. I have this big playpen sort of thing that I have to keep her in when I'm not home because I'm worried she'll hurt herself if I let her have the run of the house. Before I started to keep her penned up, I would come home to find her stuck under the dining table looking scared and confused. She would go in between the chairs and not be able to figure out how to get back out. It was really pitiful. In spite of all that, I still believe she has a good quality of life -- she still enjoys her food and when she goes outside I can tell she gets excited hopping around on the grass. I will miss her when she's gone but at least I know she's had a very good life -- that's the only thing that keeps me from getting depressed.

I can also relate to your computer woes. My laptop is at least 6 or 7 years old now and I hate the thought of having to replace it anytime soon. Your story about your computer suddenly coming on in the middle of the night made me laugh though. I haven't had a desktop computer in a long time but if that happened to me I think I would start unplugging it before going to bed after that!

Repeat after me:
All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good.Out of every situation, only good can come. I am safe. (This is my favorite Louise Hay mantra.) I think you're doing great trying to stay positive -- especially when it comes to those toxic coworkers!

Grace


At Rivercrest Cottage said...

Cindi, so glad you took my nippy your butt so well. I'm a grabby old broad sometimes. My husband suggested you might check with a print shop in your area to have the formatting done for VIDA. If they can't do it, they may be able to suggest another source. You're only a few degrees of separation from the answer most times, you just have to start the ball rolling. The answer will come. It seems that VIDA would be a good source of passive income (they do the work after your initial submission, you collect after that) and also provides fans of your work for future endeavors. You might also check computer training classes because you might be able to do a one-on-one quick class using their training room computer to do the formatting. Like maybe find a computer shop to take a quick photoshop course and have the instructor show you how to do what you need done by doing it right there in a one-hour class. Or check with the BEST BUY geek squad to see if they have any ideas of who could do quick photoshop training. The idea is to use their computer (not yours) with Photoshop on it and do the project you need done in the session. Just start with one place and I'm sure it will lead you to what you need done. And, you might barter with a geek to groom a dog for them or do a picture of their animal in exchange for the photoshop help.

Cindi Myers said...

Grace,
I think I have it figured out!
The resolution thing... but I'm so tired I must get some sleep and explain later. LOL!
Thank you though and I do plan on making some cards!
XOXO

I'm so sorry that your dog is having a hard time.
Getting old sucks.
But I agree, if she's eating and hopping through the grass, it sounds like she's still happy.

I ordered an universal keyboard off of Amazon for only $15.00 and so far everything is working great! It must have ALL been the keyboard!
Finger crossed.

I love that mantra! Thank you!
I will remember that!
(Some day I won't have those toxic people in my life!)
:)
xoxoxoxo

Cindi Myers said...

Sharon,
Thank you for all those great ideas.
Lily's boyfriend works at Best Buy and I asked her today if he has Photoshop on his computer or if he knows anything along those lines.
She said she wasn't sure but he was taking Graphic Design in college before he dropped out.
WHAT?!?!?!?
Jeez, I didn't know all that!
Maybe he can help in the future but tonight I came home and was so frustrated that I just looked up stuff all night and
I FIGURED IT OUT!!!!!
But it's super late and I have to be up at 5 AM so I will explain later but I got the resolution up to what they needed AND the dpi to 300!
(I hope I remember tomorrow how I did it! LOL!)
Anyway, THANK YOU again!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
zzzzzz LOL!

leslie said...

elderly man: i so do this sometimes, too. my dad, stepdad, grandmother… who are all dead. so it really throws me.

mean girl: karma karma karma.

tech stuff: oh isn't mercury retrograde fun.

shingles: my friend had shingles. i never really knew about it, and then i saw how miserable it made her -- on top of going through chemo (c'mon, universe). i got a shot. which i then had a reaction to because i react to everything.

week(s): yeah. um. bad week(s). you are not alone.

Cindi Myers said...

Leslie,
Yes. Although I haven't written about this, I see an ex-boyfriend fairly often in the crowd and he's been dead for several years. It always takes a moment before I realize again that he's gone.

I don't even want to think about that mean girl but I hope Karma gets her before she gets me! LOL!

I don't know much about mercury retrograde but my oldest niece does. She didn't warn me!

I just went to Urgent Care and the Doctor thinks it's just nerve pain. How that happened, no one knows...
I still think it's Shingles without the rash but he wasn't listening to me since I found that on the Internet.

Yep, I'm having a bit of a rough patch, but I realize many others are too and I must focus on the good.
XOXO
Hope things are better for you!