Today is ...MY BIRTHDAY!

Whatever.

Actually, I HAVE been thinking about the aging process a lot lately.
Who knows how long we have.
Someone could be 80 years old and have 15 years ahead of them
and someone could be 19, and die in a car accident that year.
We just don't know.
I've already lived past the age of my Mom's passing
and if I go for Dad's age, I've got slightly less than 20.
But seriously who knows?
and why think that way?!

I got news recently from someone I was close friends with in high school.
I was close with the whole family.
I practically spent all my spare time there.
Their family was polar opposite of mine.
It was loud and rowdy and everyone was on top of one another.
They were outrageous and made messes and had so much fun.

Last year I heard that the oldest daughter had passed away from a brain tumor.
Now I heard that one of the sisters that I spent so much time with, has pancreatic cancer.
She's younger than me!
I haven't seen her in more than 30 years.
She got married and had kids and we just lost touch and now....
Her sister tells me that there's not much hope.

There have been many people over the years that are now gone.
People I grew up with and now, BAM! gone.
Most of my relatives have passed and several of my old boyfriends.
Two years ago, a woman who was my sister's best friend when we were all little,
was posting photos of herself and her fiance on this fun grand vacation they were taking.
Everyday there were photos on Facebook.
They were having so much fun.
I even commented on how she didn't seem to have aged.
So they came home from the vacation and that Sunday afternoon
she had a headache and went to take a nap and when her fiance went to wake her,
she was gone.

Everyone was in shock.
So I was thinking about her again,
as I thought about so many other people who are now gone too.
You just don't know.

So why do we count the years?
I wish we could just live and never know how old we were.
My sister once gave me a birthday card that said pretty much that.
It said something like -
"If you didn't know how old you were, how old would you be?"

I think I'm 36!
Hahahahahahahaha!
No, seriously.
36.

I do know that I appear younger than my age.
I get that all the time.
I contribute that to three things.
#1. Genes. My Dad looked way younger than he was until one day he didn't.
and
#2. It's my nose. I have a Sally Field type of nose.
and
#3 Fat. Extra weight plumps out the wrinkles.

Also, I like things from NOW.

I think that helps keep a person young at heart.

To be open to new things.
I like the current music.
Sure, I love some of the old stuff but I like new stuff too.
I hate when people my age, scoff and talk about the good old days.
There WERE some really GREAT old days
but I hate when people act as though the good times are behind them.
I hate when I hear "I'm too old for that".
I've caught myself saying something similar to it.
But it's because I'm tired, not because I'm old.

OK, ok. Maybe my joints and things hurt a little bit more now but...
I work with young people who complain more than I do about their aches and pains.

So... I'm hating putting a number on myself.
When I hear my new number, I'm shocked!
How can this be?

I've decided not to put things off any longer though.
This year I'm going to try to push myself out of my comfort zone,
which is ironic since I've been working so hard at creating my own little private sanctuary.

But I'm going to start putting myself first, or try to anyway.
I'm going to do it in small ways.
Today I actually bought some nail polish that I wanted.
Of course it's the cheaper brand ($1.66) but it's this lovely shade of blue.

seriouslyswatched.com

Not really navy and with a hint of lavender.
and I'm not too old for it!
I also picked out some lip stain ($4.79) from Burt's Bees.
It all totally up to less than $10.00 but I felt so extravagant!

and finally, I'm going to share what I did for myself that is BIG!
Well, to me it's big.
When I first heard this news of my old friend being sick,
when the reality of mortality hit me again.

We all need to treasure the time we have

And to be Happy!
I started to think about what made ME happy in the past.
Maybe not what would make another person happy but Me.
I wanted to start enjoying my life.
Then I got an idea but I didn't have the cash and that's when The Universe stepped in!

I never get tipped at work.
Well, I used to... by two different ladies who boarded their dogs with me
but both of those dogs have passed away now.
There was one year someone gave my hand lotion and gloves for Christmas!
but I don't get tipped like the Groomer at work does.
She pulls in a lot of cash everyday!
She has a tip jar stuffed with $5 and $10's!
She doesn't even know some of the pets names and yet some of them I have cared for,
for several weeks and fretted about their eating and playing with them and .... nothing.
Oh well!

So when I got my idea, a sweet older couple returned to pick up their 3 little dogs who had boarded with me for a couple of weeks
and they handed me an envelope.
I get cards all the time but this one had CASH in it!
I was so surprised and HAPPY.
That set it in motion.
Then I sold 3 painting/photos at work and that decided it!

I took my Lowes giftcards that I got from my step-mom and my sister for Christmas.
(I wanted to buy a cool faucet for the kitchen sink with them)
but instead I used them to buy fence pickets!
I already had the posts and had purchased the cement last Fall but never put the posts up yet.
I just couldn't figure out where I wanted the fence.
But now I had a plan!
I put in the posts and built the fence.
Then I leveled the yard behind it.
That about killed me.
The heat index was close to 100 that weekend but I had to get it done.
I actually had a 3 day weekend off! The Fourth of July weekend
and I was outside working hard for most of it.

Finally it was done.
Then I used all my money.
My money from the card, the painting money
and I bought a pool that I found on clearance!!!!
It's not huge but it's not tiny either.
The water comes to my waist and I can float on a raft
and I can swim three strokes across it.
Or swim like a goldfish around the side.
I'm out there splashing and paddling and I'm loving it SO much that it's ridiculous!

The other night I came home exhausted.
I let the dogs out on the patio and they laid on their chaise lounges
while I paddled around on the raft reading my book.
Then I laid on my back and just floated.
I felt like I was almost meditating.
After a while I gathered up my stuff and went in and feed the dogs and felt so much better.

Yep, I'm going to concentrate on just being Happy
and believing The Universe will help me find a way!
and I'm going to forget this age thing.
Not because I'm denying it
or want to pretend I'm younger than I am
but because I don't want it to define me.

So yeah, it's my birthday
but Whatever!