Sunday, February 21, 2010

Stepping Back and What's Really Important! And a Secret!

First, the Secret...it's not really a secret because everyone that knows me outside of the my "blog world" already knows this but it's something that I keep close to my heart because it means so Much to me. It's power is So great that it's terrifying. I haven't talked about her before but since this post is about what's really important to me... met Ruby. Now I love my dog Blue, with all my heart, but Ruby was here first and while I have this "herd" of pets that are my family, she is truly my #1. She stays at home everyday in the comfort of her fellow little housemates. I really don't think she minds when I leave everyday with Blue. She settles down on her warm bed and I have no doubt that she spends her day napping or playing with the other little ones in the laundry room while we go to "work" to earn the money to keep her comfy. She is a Huge source of Happiness and she sleeps on the pillow next to me every night and she is the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning. I have to lift her down to the floor every morning and she tiptoes daintily down the stairs to be let out. She has the ability to bring me make me smile like nothing else. And this week I haven't felt like smiling.
This has been a VERY long week. It seemed like it would never end. I have been in one of the worst funks.
As many of you know, my Day Job consists of running the Boarding Area of a veterinarian clinic that I work at. On Monday I noticed that a little elderly boarder seemed to be breathing very heavy and to make a very long story short, he was going into heart failure and after rushing him up front to the veterinarian, he was resuscitated only to end up being put back down after we called the owner to see what medical measures that they wanted us to take....to say it broke my heart would be putting it lightly. Yes, I know that he had lived a long happy life (and some people might have to point out the fact that he was a DOG, but please don't even go there with me.)
So mid-week, on my day off I sought refuge on the computer, visiting blogs and websites in an effort to brighten my week. Well, my computer went down and I spent the day first on the phone with my service provider and then transferred to Microsoft where we spent the afternoon talking me through the computer lingo. It got very frustrating at times because there was a bit of a language problem between the tech support and myself. I swear that I am getting hard of hearing and the fact that I know ZERO about computers wasn't helping. So now I am up and running but in the process I've lost spell check on everything! So be prepared for some very ODD words!
Anyway, I really have been feeling out of sorts and trying to figure out my life. One of my friends thinks it's the weather. We had some sunshine for a few days and temps soared to the high 30's but now there's another Snow Alert for tonight with only 5-6 inches to come. It's supposed to be a "heavy" snow so that might eliminate some of the blowing.
I digress, so I'm feeling blue, sad, whatever and then I see that some of my blogger friends are taking time off, Georgina to slay some dragons and Magaly is in the hospital in a frantic effort to blessed with a miracle to allow her to have a child. Then I read about Renee, someone I was not fortunate to have found before this time, only to discover this amazing woman is approaching her final days here on Earth and the only slightly positive thing about it is that she could be released from her horrible pain. I've had many people in my life and most of my family go through cancer and it's always been cruel and unfair. Reading these posts made me feel ashamed to feel anything but postive about my own life. How dare I waste the energy on such negative feelings. I want to spend my days enjoying every moment.
I've been told that I create my own stress, but that was by someone that doesn't share the same interests as me. They don't create (it's too messy) they don't garden (it's too expensive) they don't have all the animals I do (it's too hairy) so I find it hard to listen to that advice. I do think that I am always thinking about how I can make some money, add to my income or find a new career. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get everything done and I find it so hard someitmes. I am so far into the hole, if I add all the ART supplies up. I feel like I should just forget it all and just do it as a hobby and stop trying to figure out a way to make a living at my art. That way I won't be tallying up everything. Sometimes I regret staying single, it would be nice to have some one cheering me on AND the financial support. But since I never found THE person and I know too many women that are unhappily married, well, I would rather be by myself. Better to struggle alone than to struggle with someone that keeps pulling you down under the water with them.
So, I surf around the blogs some more and I read about an artist who is whining because she was denied into a class. A class taught by the very artist that she has copied so completely that it's hard to tell the faces from her work to the other artist. I'm not talking about similar styles, I mean the faces are exact. But of course, if other people haven't been following the other artist's work, they won't have any idea of the art theft. So I start searching and I find someone who has copied down the faces of yet ANOTHER artist, this one being the creator of beautiful cloth dolls. I realize there are fines lines when it comes to admiring someone elses work and trying their techniques but when you paint the eyes, nose, mouths identical to the original artists... well, come on!
I find this all very discouraging. You struggle to become a success and original and if you do then people with no artistic morals steal from you. Whoa! , I'm back to being a downer, maybe I should just delete this whole post. I think maybe I'll just focus on creating and not so much making a living from it. I think I will spend time working on and decorating in my home and when Spring comes I will enjoy working in the garden and not feel like it's stealing time away from me trying to build an art/craft career. I need to step out of myself and enjoy this precious life and take joy in every moment because it passes much too quickly. The amount of money I make has no real effect on my happiness. If I can pay my bills and feed my animals, if I can take a deep healthy breath, then life is good and I control my own happiness.

11 comments:

sassypackrat said...

Oh honey you need a hug!
There is plenty of drama and bad things going on if you look hard enough. Maybe take some time off and do something you enjoy so you can center yourself again.
Ruby looks like such a sweetheart, I know she would want you to be happy and I want you to be happy too!

yoborobo said...

Cindi - I have this feeling you and I should go have a glass of wine together. :)) I'm so sorry you had a crappy week. Mine wasn't crappy, but it has been so sad. I know that feeling, where you feel guilty for trying to make money from art, and then you feel guilty for spending the money on art supplies, and then you feel guilty for NOT trying to make money at art. You feel like you are wasting time, and you know time is so precious. It's like you're spinning in circles. I think you should garden like crazy (come on, Spring - we NEED YOU!), and have a ton of animals (like me! :) and make art because those things bring you joy. Those things celebrate life. If you make money with art, great. If you don't, that's okay, too. Sometimes I get all caught up in the "EEEK! I haven't sold anything in a long time!" deranged mindset and I start to feel bad about my art (or my writing) boo hoo hoo and then I think "So what? I'll just box it all up and it can live in the garage. I like making things. I like writing. The end." Oh, and I hate housework, so there is dog hair and cat hair and kid's socks EVERYWHERE and most of the time, I don't care. Sometimes, I feel like I should be better at everything I am trying to do, but you know, there are only 24 hours in the day. (I think I'm going off on a tangent - haha!). As for people who copy other people's artwork, well, I have seen someone who it doing that, and I don't like her stuff as well as the original. It does irk me, though. Yours rantingly, Pam xox

wyanne said...

Please don't be discouraged. I know how you feel. I have an artist friend who cannot understand why I would offer a class on how to paint "my girls". They were already being copied and imitated...so why not just put it out there for everyone. I knew it would also make me strive to re-invent my work, and it has. I always tell myself, "It's all been done before". Don't try to put pressure on yourself to be "original". If you just create from your heart...all will fall into place. It will always be yours...because it comes from a place that no one can reach except you. Play, have fun and create a little along the way. Take care of those wonderful animals and let them inspire you!

Love,
Wyanne

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog so I could follow the breadcrumbs back here!

I also have a dog (or, as he thinks of it, a dog has me) which completely rules the house. You'll meet him on my blog - I often post about Dusty. He's a big part of my life. He's still a feisty, fun, energetic 14-year-old Pomeranian. I know he will go someday, but I can't imagine a day without being irritated and then charmed by him!

Don't get me started on artists who copy others' work. Although, I also have my own ideas about people who teach others "how to" do their work - and/or sell print patterns. Sometimes I imagine a court case with Judge Judy, and after listening to the complaint, hearing her say, "helllloooooo. You sold the idea to the public. What did you expect? hellllooooo!" LOL

♥´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*´¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´♥ Tristan ♥

oldblackcatboo said...

Hey Everybody! I just got back from running out to get a few groceries because I noticed that the snow has really started to come down fast now. (I only had 1 can of cat food left! Yikes!) So I come back to the computer and find my wonderful blog friends have already stopped by to help pull me out of the dumps. Thanks so much for being there for me. Your kind and understanding words really do mean so much to me and help center me! I will take all of your advice to heart. Thanks again!
XOXOX - Cindi aka Negative Nellie

yoborobo said...

Hi Cindi - I came back this morning because I forgot to tell you how adorable Ruby is! I would love a little dog like her. :))) Well, I have a little dog, named Gizmo, but he sleeps with my 16 year old, and really is 'his' dog. :) And I hope I wasn't too bossy! xoxoxox Pam

Mundo Mundaca said...

Wow so cut your little dog!Reading your text is incredible as I identified with you with their afflictions and dreams.
I also have a lot of difficulty of taking my art before the.. not for lack of will or desire.. nor either for inspiration lack.. leaning me.
but it is that it is really very difficult in such competitive world that it is the arts get a sun flare and a place for us.
In the illustration for instance there is a lot of digital illustration that it is accomplished in just some hours with some to press of buttons and..... voal√°.. this ready one!
very difficult è to compete with that.. for me that make everything what demands very more time manually.
I also have hours that me of the will of to give up of everything and to be devoted only and exclusively to any formal and bureaucratic work but that pays my bills.
to have dreams is beautiful.. but doesn't give to live of them... unhappily.
The thing that more I want in my life.. just as you it is to live with safety and peacefulness and to have it to my side the affection of my faithful cat.
As the subject of the you copy is really something disturbing.
I don't believe that some exists artist to make something totally unpublished and free from any another influences artistic.
To not to be the great masters of the antiquity.
But yes I agree with you when you affirm that should just be source inspiration and reference and you don't copy whopping that for better done that they are are shameful robbery.
Each artist should make they interpretation of they imaginary world.
Be which is the result will be beautiful why they essence will be and that that matters.
xoxo!!

oldblackcatboo said...

Pam! No way were you bossy, you are a great friend to me and help me get my head on straight and to realize that I am not alone in this creative world. Thanks so much for always being there.
And Yes! LOL! Isn't Ruby the cutest! When it comes to her I am shameless. Her mother was a pure Brussels Griffon (like the dog in the movie "As Good as it Gets") and her Dad is a pure Papillon. The breeder of the Brussels was dog-sitting the Papillon (but obviously not very well!) and what she didn't want turned out to be my greatest treasure!

oldblackcatboo said...

Thank you Yasmin! Yes, I need to remember that it's impossible to be totally original and that everything created before and by other artists influences our work.
I guess it just had all been building up inside of me and I needed to get it out so that I can start fresh again. Thanks so much for being a follower and a friend, you know I LOVE your work, you are amazing.

oldblackcatboo said...

Wyanne, as always, your words mean so much. I will try to remember your kind words and calm down and just create!

Sassy! - Thanks so much, it's so nice to know that you are there, being my friend and wishing me happiness.

ODD imagination said...

Those are some very deep thoughts and feelings you laid out and I am glad you did. I have been through the struggle of feeling down, trying to sell my art, getting frustrated at what people make or actually "buy", the whole nine yards. I think you summed it up perfectly in the end and I believe I will join you in the garden...