A FUNNY TALE TO SOME

but not to me.
Before I begin this tale I need to give a little background story about some of my quirks.
Yes, apparently I have some quirks. Or at least that is what my friends and some of my co-workers tell me. I personally think that I am completely normal and it's just that other people don't get it.
So here are some of my "issues".
I hate white soft bread.

That soft stuff that sticks to the roof of your mouth just gags me. When I was a kid living at home, my sister would have bread balls for an after school snack. She would pinch off the crust and roll the white doughy WonderBread  between her hands into balls and gnaw on them like a rabbit. I couldn't stand to watch her. Gross. I preferred dark rye and pumpernickel.
Then there's the whole milk thing.

I hate milk. Especially WHOLE milk, the thick the grosser. I only like fat-free and ice cold and then only on my cereal. Actually Vanilla Soy would be my first pick.
Yep, a BIG glass of milk to me sounds awful. The only thing worst is if it's in a plastic glass. When I was a little kid and someone would ask if I wanted a drink of something, I ALWAYS said "Yes. please. In a glass-glass please". Something about the feel of plastic on my lips. I also have a HUGE problem drinking after people, Actually I don't do it. OK, there have been a FEW times when I have felt "forced" to do so and then if it was someone like my sister or one of my nieces, my family, I would wipe off the spot on the glass and take a drink. Or I would just ask for my own glass. But if it was a social type of thing and I just couldn't find a way out of it gracefully, I would subtly "turn" the glass so I wouldn't sip from the same spot.
The girls at work laugh at me because there was a woman that used to work at the clinic who I couldn't stand to eat lunch with.

She would microwave her lunch and sit down at the lunch table and "blow" on her soup or whatever and blow on me. So if she was microwaving, I would sit at an angle to her rather than across from her. I hated the thought of her "blowing" on MY food. But then she started bringing her milk in a Tupperware container with a cap on it and would sit there drinking it out of plastic. My good friend would sit there and give me the EYE and smile. She KNEW that it was bugging me. But then the woman would end her lunch with her big last gulp and hold it in her mouth and puff out her cheeks and swish it around in her mouth. I just couldn't take it and asked her "WHAT are you doing?!" and she would reply that she was swishing out anything that might be stuck in her teeth........my friend would try to control her laughter but I had had it. I might pick up dog poop for a living, I might assist in a surgery where they remove an eyeball and I've seen some disgusting exploratory surgeries but THIS turned my stomach so much so that I just started to run "errands" on my lunch hour or else sit at my desk and look up "stuff" on the computer.
OK, so now you know about some of my "quirks" or what I view as normal.
So now for my tale.
I have decided to try to "treat" myself more. I think nothing of picking up a new toy or cute collar or whatever for my dogs. But I tend to be very frugal when it's something "personal" for myself. So, one day I'm at the check-out counter and I need some Chap-Stick. In this dry cold weather my lips are always getting chapped so I reach for it but then I see Burt's Bees chap-stick

and it's tinted in a berry color. It's a bit more expensive but I figure Hey! I'm worth it and besides it will give me a little color without being a heavy lipstick.
So I buy it.
I keep it in my winter jacket pocket, a place to easily grab it when I'm outside watching the dogs.
So chap-stick, gloves and car keys are in my pockets.
The other day I run over to Target on my lunch hour. I was lucky. I got the first parking spot in one of the rows right next to the snow covered grass median. I get out of my van, pull my gloves out of pockets and put them on and lock the van.
I ran around Target quickly and grabbed what I needed and came back out to my van. There laying in the snow I see my Burt's Bees chap-stick. Crap! To think that I almost lost it! I pick it up and wipe the snow off of it, pull my keys out of my right pocket and get in my van. I flipped down the visor and look in the mirror. Yep, I need some stick on my lips. I carefully smear it on and then replace the cap and put it in my left pocket.
Wait a minute, what's in my pocket?
I pull out my glove and MY Burt's Bees!
If anyone was walking by my van at that moment, they probably thought that I was having a seizure of some sort.

AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!
I then start furiously rubbing the stuff off my lips. I know subconsciously that it's too late. I've already got someones "COOTIES". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooties : •Cooties is a non-scientific term in North American English used by children for an imaginary "disease" said to infect through contact.

I go back to work and tell my co-workers that they won't believe what happened to me at lunch!
And THEY all thought it was hysterical.
Me? Not so much.